Two into One
by casfics
Summary: (Prev. called Let Me In) Iain and Lily grow closer whilst figuring out if each other is worth the risk. It's not all straightforward, and everything seems to be getting in the way of their happiness together.
1. chapter 1

**Hi all, new story. I decided to delete Don't Let Go because I wasn't really sure where I was going with it, and I struggled trying to use four main characters and make it good at the same time. Had this idea only recently, but have been wanting to write about Lily and Iain for a while - they're one of my favourite ships! My updates are likely going to be frequent but short for this story. I don't know how far I'm going to take this, it depends on what people want and how many ideas come to me! Suggestions are always always always welcome :-)**

The room spun. Lily bolted upright, breath coming in gasps. She squeezed her eyes closed, just a dream. No car anywhere. Just a bed. Her bed. Familiar, yet weirdly unnerving all the same. Her mouth felt uncomfortably dry. Water. She reached for her phone on the bedside table to check the time. Not even 2 in the morning. She sighed, as the illuminated screen faded to black. Deciding the drink couldn't wait any longer, she made her way through to the poky kitchen. It was relatively modern, but all the same, Lily struggled to operate the tap in the dark. She'd only recently had building and plumbing work - two days before her accident, in fact. She'd been working solid for the days since and hadn't really had time to get used to the amendments, especially not in the dark. The tap seemed to be on a sensor, but it was dark, and she had no way of knowing what was hot or cold. She couldn't help but feel annoyed - a tap, for God's sake. The most easy thing, and she couldn't do it. Too weak, too tired. She was so busy trying to work it out that she had no idea a figure was behind her.

She saw the shadow on the material of the blind and jumped, water flying everywhere. 'Lily?'

'Shit! Iain!' Lily hissed.

'Don't swear,' He replied, but couldn't help chuckling. Bad language just didn't sound right coming out of Lily's mouth. Iain had agreed to stay a couple of nights, pitched up on the sofa, just so Lily had help should she need it. She tried to turn it down, but he was insistent. She'd eventually given in, it was no use fighting a losing battle.

'I'll swear as much as I wish. I have spilt the water everywhere, including down myself! What were you even doing, anyway?' She snapped.

'Getting a drink, just like you.' Iain replied, his calm attitude contrasting with hers. There was an inflection in his voice that led Lily to believe he was amused. This just made her even more mad.

'Well, don't let me stop you.' She spat, moving out the way with a glare that she wasn't sure he'd even see. The reflection of the moonlight that filtered through the blinds wasn't providing much light. She didn't know, truthfully, if she'd wanted him to see or not.

'Ladies first.'

There was a brief pause.

'I don't know that I can make the tap work again.' Lily finally admitted.

'Should've said.' Iain leaned and twisted the base of the tap. Sure enough, water started to flow.

'Is it cold?' She asked.

'Nah, hot. The way most people drink their tap water.' Iain replied. She rolled her eyes and gave him a scathing look. 'Ooh, if looks could kill.' He passed her a glass, full to the brim.

'Grown men who prat about in the night would be dead.' She shook her head, hair bobbing against her shoulders. She flounced off without a backward glance. Iain couldn't help but smirk. Even when ill, she could, without fail, sass him down to the ground.

After being settled a few minutes, Iain couldn't help but think of Lily. He kicked himself for not checking how she was. He stared at the ceiling, sick of the same boring patterns he'd watched for the past three hours. He'd stared that long, that they seemed to have faces. Either the insomnia or the events of the past few days had finally pushed him over the edge into delirious mode. Without a further thought, he rose from the sofa and went to knock on the door of her room lightly.

'Sorry, did I wake you?' Iain asked, as he stood in the doorway.

'No...' Lily lied, not managing to suppress a yawn.

'Look, I just wanted to check you're okay, and that you're settled, you know.' Iain nodded.

'I'm fine. Honestly.'

'Good. If you need anything...'

'Actually..' Lily sighed, voice a whisper.

'Yeah?' Iain replied quickly, all too ready to accommodate whatever request she had.

'Stay.'

Iain hesitated, dithering in the doorway. 'I don't want you to think I'm coming on to you, I'm more than happy on the sofa. I just couldn't settle knowing I hadn't asked you how you were.'

'I... I had a dream about the car again.' She whispered faintly. 'Before I came for water.'

'Oh, Lily, I-' Iain was interrupted again by Lily.

'Don't talk. I'm tired. Just, please stay.'

Neither of them knew if it was the helpless plea in Lily's voice, or the fatigue in them both, or even Iain's own feelings that swung the decision.

And he stayed.


	2. chapter 2

It was a Sunday morning, and everything was still. Iain had woken up beside Lily, who was dozing. He glanced over at her and smiled, blinking his eyes closed again.

Too many mornings to count had he woken up alone. Not counting Gem, of course. She was always in another room anyway and he still felt sort of alone. The feeling he felt in that moment was far from alone. In fact, he felt as if he had all the company he ever needed. He wasn't bothered that she'd woken him up twice more in the night, or that all the duvet and blankets were draped over her. It was nice to wake up and have nowhere pressing to go.

Half of Iain hated the fact it was morning. Although it was a lovely feeling waking up beside her at first, he was snapped back in to reality. It meant they had to talk. Talking might have meant consequences that neither of them really wanted. Talking meant doing something. He didn't have one ounce of strength left in him, and he partly hoped Lily didn't either. It would give him more time to put off a discussion about what they were. What were they? Oh, god.

Lily stirred not long after, and Iain had made her a cup of tea. She sipped at it gingerly - tea wasn't her favourite but she drunk it to be polite. 'How you feeling?' Iain had asked her.

'Achy.' She replied.

He puffed out his cheeks, exhaling.

'Want any paracetamol?' He asked.

'I've had 1g orally in the last four hours, I perhaps shouldn't. Thank you though.' She said, quietly.

'Alright.' Iain nodded, working out that she'd had two paracetamols. He wondered why she didn't just put it normally, then remembered it was Lily. Everything had to be medical jargon.

'I wonder how Ethan is...' Lily said, snapping Iain out of his thoughts.

'Don't you worry about that. He's got Charlie and Alicia looking after him.'

'Yeah, but it's awful, Iain. Awful.' Lily shuddered visibly, clutching the mug with two hands after propping herself up by shuffling to sit against the pillows.

'It is, yeah. So scary to think.' Iain agreed with her.

'I ended things on bad terms, we snapped at one another, it was the strike..' Lily remembered, shaking her head as the words came out.

'You can't think like that. He had nothing against you, and vice versa, he knew that too.' Iain comforted, as he sipped his own tea. It burned the back of his throat but he didn't even wince.

'But... we shouted. And he saved my life. And I never even got to say thank you.' Lily shook her head again, tears spilling down her cheeks.

'Hey. Don't work yourself up... you've been through enough. None of that matters now. What matters is, that you find a way to thank him. Like, when you're mended, focus on becoming an even better doctor and perhaps by that, you'd save more patients. That's showing him your gratitude...' Iain said.

Lily just nodded, absorbing all his advice.

She dabbed at her eyes. 'Yeah, you're right.'

Iain just sighed. 'Look, how about you try and have a girly day today? I don't know, message Connie. See, I don't think she's working if I remember rightly. It'd do you good to get out. I'll even drop you off.' He smiled now.

'Thanks Iain, but I'm tired..' She sighed.

'Yeah. You must be. Well, it's just a suggestion.' He got up to take the mugs away.

When he came back, Lily was on the phone.

'Yep, yep. Okay. See you then.' She put the phone down quickly, greeting Iain with a small smile. 'That was Connie. We're meeting for a coffee.' Lily gave a smile.

'Good! Good. I know you feel a bit weak, but you can take your meds and escape the four walls of this place for a few hours. Don't get me wrong, it's a cracking apartment, but you will go stir crazy if you're stuck here any longer.' Iain communicated with enthusiasm.

Lily managed a smile. 'Yeah. Okay.'

 **Connie features lots in the next chapter! Thanks for reading Xx**


	3. chapter 3

Connie sat by a wooden table, dressed smartly. She took regular sips from her coffee. Lily approached with a smile.

'Hi!' She exclaimed.

'Hi darling.' Connie gave her a welcoming smile.

Lily pulled out a chair and sat down carefully, smoothing out her top. 'I wanted to thank you, you know. For saving my life.'

Connie gave Lily a look full of sympathy yet warm too.

'I am a doctor. We make better.' Connie nodded.

Lily just smiled.

Lily had gone up to the counter to purchase a drink and the two had been chatting for at least over an hour. The coffee shop they'd chosen was a five minute walk from Lily's flat, but Iain wouldn't let her walk it and insisted on driving. The car had brought back memories and almost caused her to break down, but Iain had helped her through it. He was working through the afternoon into the evening though, so it did seem a shame to stay in the apartment.

The buzz of the Sunday lunchtime chatter set the atmosphere of the café alight. Couples chatted, friends laughed. Children in buggies strained on the straps and poked at the chairs. Babies sat on their parents' knees, grasping bits of whatever food was on the table. One on the next table was bashing his fists on the table, squeezing the orange segment he'd been given to a pulp. Lily winced as she observed this. Connie just smiled, looking on. 'I tell you something. I sometimes used to think I wouldn't ever miss those days with Grace. Right now, I'd do anything to get her back to that. She'd have to do as she was told, for starters.' Connie rolled her eyes, clearly struck by thought now.

Lily just nodded. 'How is Grace? Has she come round to speaking to you?'

Connie just shook her head. 'No. She wants to be with Sam, which, is understandable. I mean, I caused all her health problems. If it weren't for being chased by Steph...' Connie trailed off, looking at the coffee in her cup.

'That was not your fault. You mustn't feel that way.' Lily assured her.

'What a year it's been, hey?' Connie just sighed.

'Yeah. It has. It really has.' Lily fell quiet.

'Anyway, you and Iain then? Romance on the cards? I've always thought it to be fair, ever since last summer.' Connie smiled now, trying to gauge her reaction.

Lily opened her mouth, then closed it. She opened it again.

'I... I'm not entirely certain. He is staying over. He didn't want me to be alone in case I was in pain or anything.'

'I put my month's wages and my job as clinical lead for the next year on a bet - you two.' Connie smiled again.

Lily looked horrified. 'Oh, I don't know. I'm pressured now!' She laughed.

'Seriously though, Lily. You know the signs.' Connie raised an eyebrow.

'Hm. I was thinking of coming back to work tomorrow.' Lily said.

'Tomorrow?!' The shock was obvious in Connie's voice.

'Yes. I want to get back to normal, treat some patients.' Lily told her, fiddling with the serviette.

'Well, that's perfectly understandable. I suppose. I did want to do the same. Only if you're one hundred percent sure though. And you must take it easy.'

'I will. Thank you. I'm doing okay. On more painkillers than I care to imagine though.' Lily sighed.

'I know, I prescribed them!' Connie gave a short laugh.

People filtered in and out of the café but there was an ever growing queue for tables, suggesting more people were coming in than going out. Lily suddenly felt conscious of this.

'It's been lovely,' She told Connie, as she stood up to leave. 'Give my love to Grace.'

'Okay. See you tomorrow, if you decide to come in.' Connie said kindly.

Lily just nodded and smiled, before beginning to walk off.

'Oh, and Lily?' Connie called.

Lily spun round.

'It has been nice. Really nice to see you.'


	4. chapter 4

It was the evening, and Lily had showered and was sitting on the sofa. It felt oddly empty and still - everything was quiet. No roar of traffic. No loud music from the apartment next door. No telly, no chatting. No Iain. She flicked through the photo album she'd found in a cupboard a few days previous. She'd left it on the side and never quite got round to looking.

The first page. Baby Lily, all smiles, playing in the sand. Lily reminisced slightly - it was rare that her parents had ever taken her on days out. When she was a baby, they would, but as soon as she turned three she went into education. Starting her early, they thought. Long term, it had its positives, as she'd been able to secure a good career and be part of a valuable profession. She couldn't help but feel like she'd missed out on her childhood. She flicked through a few pages and found a photo of her at high school. First day of Year 8. It would've made her about twelve. She carried two massive folders and wore glasses with huge lenses. Next page. Her 20th birthday. Ethan and Cal were in the background. She did a double take. Things had changed so much. Ethan had visibly longer hair and was standing in the corner, and Cal had a girl. Lily smiled again and remembered the more things change, the more they stay the same.

She shut the book, small tears filling her eyes. She vaguely remembered having put the album together with her favourite photos when she was in med school, but that was years ago and her memory was fuzzy at the best of times. Reaching for her phone, she gave a sigh. Scrolling the notifications, she saw two messages. One from Alicia, one from Iain. She read Alicia's first.

'Hey. Thinking of you. Pop round some time, Ethan is in need of company. If there's anything I can do, just let me know xx'

Lily smiled, feeling somewhat less lonely than she had before. She opened the next one.

'How's the ice queen doing? You're on my mind today x'

Her chest ached. She typed out a reply quickly.

'As cold as ever. How's work?'

She sent it quickly, without a kiss. She did deliberate over it, but decided against it. Less than two minutes later, a reply pinged in.

'Busy! Busy busy busy. RTCs coming out my ears. Don't wait up tonight, could poss be late. I've a key x'

Lily tapped out a response quickly and then sent it.

'Clearly not busy enough, Mr Dean. Get to work x'

She shook her head with a small smile, and got up to go to bed.

Iain decided showering and changing at work would cause the least disruption, so by the time he got in, it was after 11. He went straight through to Lily's room. The lamp was dimmed but still switched on. Lily was asleep, hair splayed out on the pillow. She'd curled it again and so the image reminded him of when he went to see her on the ward. It wasn't unsettling though unlike the hospital visit he'd made, because there was no harsh bleeping and no machines, no wires sticking out of her skin. She looked the picture of innocence, and he smirked at this. Her attitude all gone, just simple and sweet and asleep. She'd left the covers pulled back, so he climbed into bed aside her and settled onto his back. He shook his head lightly and rolled onto his side so he could see her. 'Hey, Lils.' He whispered. No response, except her steady breathing.

'You look like butter wouldn't melt.' He said, voice still quiet. Iain glanced down the moment that Lily stirred. 'And I'm sorry that you don't know where we stand. It's... it's hard... but in case you can hear me. I wouldn't put it past you actually... I think you're amazing. And I meant what I said on the ward - you probably didn't hear that either. I'm rambling on. I'm tired. But...' He was broken off by Lily clearing her throat.

'Oh, you're kidding me.' He groaned.

She giggled lightly.

'I genuinely thought you couldn't hear that. Genuinely.' Iain screwed his face up in embarrassment.

'It's very cute.' Lily smiled in the darkness.

'I shouldn't have put it past you though. You know everything.' He rolled his eyes.

'There are some things I don't know.' She said quietly and deliberately.

'Aw, no. No. Do not make me do that again! I sound like a right soppy bugger!' Iain exclaimed.

She gave a chuckle.

'I love you.' He breathed, finally.

Lily held her breath, smiling at first. She'd waited so long for someone to say those words, for her to hear those three words and feel like they were genuine. She allowed herself to experience the moment, but forgot it had fallen silent. A rising, tightening feeling suddenly squeezed her chest. Fear. Panic.

Moments had passed.

'Lily?'

She let out a choked sob, and the tears begun to flow.

'Lily, Lily, Lily..' He sighed, and reached over. She resisted him yet he managed to hold her anyway, and placed his lips to her forehead, a desperate yet patient attempt to calm her. All to no avail. The more Iain comforted her, the more agitated she seemed to become.

'Look. I'm going to sleep on the sofa, again. You know where I am. Might be best if I go home tomorrow. Perhaps we need to think.' Iain said, flatly, climbing out of bed.

'You shouldn't have to...' Lily said, feeling her throat close up.

Iain didn't answer her. She was right. He shouldn't have to. For God's sake - it could have been so perfect. He started to feel angry, but tried to brush it off. He needed to be understanding and as painful as the lack of response and rejection had been, he knew she had reasons. He couldn't resent Lily, she was troubled. Her abusive father, Archie, all men who had consistently let her down. He didn't get it, but he did all at the same time. It just hurt.

'Iain...' Lily whispered.

He closed the door.


	5. chapter 5

**TheBeautifulNerd: Thank you! So glad you're liking it. Comments are very appreciated, hope you like the update(s) :-)**

 **Angel2021: Thanks! Me too at first, but the more I write, the easier it is to really get used to/like the characters. Will be updating quite a lot.**

 **I've been on a plane, hence all the frequent updates! Nothing else to do! Going to try and update quite frequently. Again, if anyone does have any ideas then feel more than free to share.**

Iain had stewed over things all night, and he hated how Monday morning was so awful compared to Sunday. He felt the familiar feeling of tired surge through his body, weakening his muscles. On checking the time, it was 7. He knew Lily would be awake, as she was a morning person. He didn't know her plans for the day but he felt exhausted at the mere thought of any more interaction. He was helpless in the situation, and he'd done everything he could.

Lily was ready by six, in her uniform, ready to work. She emerged from her room and left Iain sleeping on the sofa. She left a note:

'Have a lovely day.'

Iain deciphered her scrawly handwriting and scoffed. It was just like Lily to go on as if nothing had ever happened. He felt a new sense of anger. How was he supposed to even have a decent day? He got his phone out and dialled her number.

'Lily. You're not at work are you?' He asked, an edge to his voice.

She was quiet. 'Yes, I am. I will go easy though.' She said.

'Right. I see. Well, what now then? Am I staying or am I leaving?' He asked her.

'Only you can decide that.' She replied.

'Lily, look, I don't blame you for freaking out. It's just, wanting to know where from here is reasonable surely?' He asked.

'Maybe it's best that you leave.' She said, quietly.

Iain felt offended. He'd hoped for the other response.

'You're clearly so independent, going back to work, you don't need anyone anyway.' He replied.

She picked up on his tone now. 'I'm not an invalid, Iain. I got run over and I am fine. I apologise for last night, okay?' She whispered. Iain held the phone more tightly.

'Yeah. Whatever. Before you go out getting any more muffins and coffees like usual, that's not going to wash this time.' He spat.

'Iain, please don't be like this.'

'Well I don't know what you want, Lily! You practically get me to confess and declare my feelings and then burst into tears. How do you think that makes me feel?' He said.

'I don't know what came over me.' She replied, upset.

'Me neither. Look. Maybe we can talk in a few days. Look after yourself and don't overdo it.' He told her, trying to keep the wobble from his voice.

'Thank you.'

The line rang dead and Iain turned to face his things. He gave one shake of the head, sighed deeply and bent down to pack things up.

'Jez, I need some advice.' Iain sighed, as he leaned against the wall watching the younger paramedic play basketball.

'Aw, what now? Feels a bit like role reversal.'

'Tell me about it. Alright, listen. It's about Lily.' Iain confessed, looking to his feet.

'Lily! Finally, man. What about her? How is she?' He bounced the basketball into the net and whooped.

Iain couldn't help but roll his eyes.

'She's.. well, no, she's not fine. But not because of the incident with the car.' Iain sighed.

'Then what, bro?'

'I've been staying at hers for the last couple of nights. Just while she gets better, if she needs anyone, you know. On the sofa.' Iain lied.

'Right...' Jez held the ball still.

'Problem is, I sort of admitted I liked her last night and she freaked. She's been flirting back for ages now but it was just really unexpected.' Iain looked troubled.

'Freaked how?' Jez frowned.

'Well, cried. Got upset. Stuff like that. She freaked, Jez. Surely I don't have to spell everything out...' Iain begun to lose patience as Jez continued to play basketball.

'She probably just got scared. Girls do sometimes. When something, comes as a surprise, or if they're not entirely sure how they feel. Or even if they've got other things on their mind. Their past, maybe? Bad relationships? Although I can't really see Lily would have been in that many relationships.' Jez sighed.

'Yeah, I thought of that. I don't know. I'm worried about her. She's still not right after this accident and I should have known better.' Iain berated himself.

'No, Iain. This isn't your fault, man. Believe me. I think she'll come round. It's Lily. Have faith.' Jez said.

'Thanks, Jez. Faith. A convincing principle to base all your actions around. Faith.' Iain sighed, derisively.

'Works for me.' He bounced the ball again.

Iain watched how childish Jez behaved.

'Yeah, I'll bet it does.' Iain replied.

'Honestly though. Don't sweat it. Leave her for today. Call her tomorrow.' Jez advised.

Iain just nodded and climbed into the ambulance. Jez seemed to ignore this.

'Jez! Christ! We've got a call, hurry up.' Iain yelled.

'Since when? I didn't realise.'

'You wouldn't have done, you've not been listening to me.' Iain sighed, starting the engine.

'No, I have, I swear, I just didn't realise we had a call.' Jez said, apologetically giving Iain a smile.

'And you thought I'd climbed in the ambo for fun?' Iain shot back.

'You never know with you.'

Iain just shook his head. 'How's you and murderer's brother?'

'Micky's good, thanks. We're good. The sex is great.'

'Woah, Jez. Too much.' Iain puffed his cheeks out, widening his eyes. Jez smirked beside him.

'Seriously, his brother doesn't even bother me though.'

'Good.' Iain mumbled, not listening, thinking of Lily.

'Good? You change your tune! Seriously though. I wish people could just be accepting.' Jez sighed.

'Mm.'

They drove to the house they'd received the car from.

'This is a nice gaff.' Jez commented.

Iain ignored it yet again. The car journey with Jez had been a long and boring one. Jez wanted to go on and on about Micky the entire way; Iain's mind had been on other things. Jez never shut up at the best of times, and the weather was ridiculously warm. Iain felt sticky with the heat and he was losing patience fast. The last thing he needed was further irrelevant comments - they had a job to do now.

'Right, this is Hannah Stephens, 9 years old. At approximately 11:33 she fell from a tree in the back garden, lacerations to the left arm sustained. Query fracture. She's also complaining of pain in her neck. GCS 15, BP 130/80, pulse 86. Stats 96%. 500g of paracetamol and 5 of morphine given at the scene.' Iain explained as both Connie and Lily nodded their heads.

'Bay 3 of paeds resus.' Connie instructed, and both paramedics wheeled the child in.

'Okay, Hannah, I'm Dr Chao. Is there anywhere else that hurts?' Lily immediately became professional, ignoring Iain. A sigh escaped Iain's lips as he stood and watched, almost frozen to the floor, transfixed.

'Iain. We've another call. Hello?' Jez waved his hand in front of Iain's face.

'Yeah, alright. Just checking we've... handed her over.' Iain nodded.

'She's in good hands. Come on, kids injure themselves all the time. When I was 7, I fell out a tree too. Broke my leg. It was my sisters' fault, they would've been like 5 and 11 at the time. Aliyah had gone up first, she was good at climbing though. She must've been in the last year of primary at this point. Ace climber. Professional, almost.' Jez and Iain walked out of the hospital building as Jez continued to talk.

'Yazmin next. Yaz was little and Ali wasn't watching her properly, so I decided to go up after her. It looked like fun anyway. Anyway, we went over this wobbly branch, I climbed on too, and it just snapped with the weight. We were home alone. Ali rang the ambulance, but it took ages to come. My leg was bent funny. It was just... so weird.' Jez winced at the memory.

'I never knew you had sisters.' Iain said, giving Noel a wave on the way out.

'Yeah. I've two nephews now. Cameron and Kian. They're 5 and 4. Super cute. I'll have to bring them to see you at some point.' Jez smiled.

'Aw. Yeah, that'd be nice.' Iain gave him a smile as they climbed back into the ambulance. He soon fell quiet, and Jez gave him a puzzled look.

'That kid will be fine, Iain.' Jez's voice was laden with comforting tones.

Iain still didn't reply.

'There's more to it than that, isn't there? Don't tell me you're still thinking of Lily.' Jez sighed.

'Yeah, stupid isn't it.' Iain shook his head as if he'd just awoken from a trance.

'Nah. You need a distraction. Come out for drinks with me tonight? Max is coming. Noel probably will, maybe even David and some of the other guys. Could be a laugh.' Jez offered.

'I shouldn't. I need to catch up on sleep...'

'It's not like you to turn a night out down. Think of the drunken photos and kebabs. If nothing else, to show Lily that you're not hanging round.' Jez nudged his shoulder.

Iain sighed. He liked nights out, but he liked nights in more. Going out with the lads just seemed like a chore more than anything else. His limbs ached and he wanted to sleep. And think. Alcohol would only cloud his mind and his liver. He stopped to think again. Life's too short.

'Go on, what time?' Iain asked, glancing to look at Jez.

'Ahh, that's more like it! Knew you weren't a lightweight! We're meeting at 7 at the Hope and Anchor.'

'Okay, okay. You're coming to the kebab shop with me in the early hours, or it's off.' Iain raised his eyebrows.

'Of course, old man.'

'Old man?! Bloody cheek.' Iain shook his head. 'I'm like, 5 years older than you. Maximum.'

'Yeah, what I said, old man.' Jez smiled again, while Iain just shook his head. As much as Jez annoyed him, it was nice to have banter. It was nice to think of something different, just for once.


	6. chapter 6

**My phone's been playing up a bit and some reviews haven't loaded/loaded with the wrong names, so apologies if I've not seen yours or used the wrong user when replying! I am appreciating the comments and taking them on board when I see them though. C6 up now. This took ages to write as I felt a bit stumped for ideas. It's quite a long one though - hope you like :-)**

The weekend rolled round before everyone knew it. Life seemed like one mundane cycle of work, sleep, the occasional drink. For Iain, he spent all week thinking of Lily, who'd failed to get in touch. They bumped into one another outside of the hospital. 'Ah. Working again?' He asked her.

'Yes.' Lily just nodded.

'Well... how are you finding it?' He tried to make conversation, but cringed at how the words sounded when they came out his mouth.

Lily just nodded. 'Yes. Good. Nice to be back into a routine.'

'I'll bet. Look. I was going to see Gem later. I don't know if you wanted to pass on a message.' He sighed.

'Give her my best. Tell her to keep her head high.'

'Will do.' He nodded.

'Actually, I might pop down with you. If you don't mind..' Lily said.

'No.. yeah, that's fine. If you're sure? It was only last week though, Lily. I don't want you upset.' He said.

'No, she saw me on the ward anyway. It will be nice to see her. I have wondered how she's been.' Lily said, nodding her head, then looking towards her feet.

'She saw you on the ward? Well, okay. I'm going to go at 4ish.'

Lily ignored the comment about the ward. 'I finish at 3:30, so that's fine. I'll walk to your flat.' Lily said.

'You've just had an accident, that's not wise. I'll pick you up from the hospital.' Iain said, face still serious.

'Yes.' Lily said, and awkwardly brushed past.

'Gemma.' Iain acknowledged, when they sat down in the chairs.

'Hi bro...' Gem gave Iain an uncomfortable smile. 'And.. hi Lily.' Gem looked up at her.

'How are you, Gem?' Lily spoke first.

'Me? Oh, I'm good. Yeah. Well, as good as I could be in this place.' Gem looked grimly at the walls and then at the burly guards who were standing in the exit, stopping the teenagers from escaping in case anyone made a bid for freedom, like they often attempted to. Gem knew she wouldn't run away, she was better than that. That didn't mean to say she liked it.

'You didn't have to hand yourself in...' Lily said.

'I wanted to. It would be unfair to expect you to keep quiet.' Gem chewed a nail now so Iain batted her hand away from her mouth.

'I would have done. Iain.. would have done. Look, I'll do what I can to make sure you don't have to serve long. I promise.' Lily took hold of Gem's hand in her own now, which made Iain surprised.

'I want to. It'll teach me a lesson. Lily, I knocked you over.' Gem sighed.

'Alright, we all know what happened.' Iain butted in now.

Lily glanced at Iain. 'It's not a lesson you need to learn, Gem. You are a lovely young woman. So much potential. I'm going to help get you back on track and it starts with getting you out of this place. If it takes a few months, so be it.' Lily said, firmly.

Gem's eyes filled with tears. 'I don't know what to say other than... thanks. You really don't have to.' Gem shook her head.

'Yeah, you don't.' Iain gave a concerned look at Lily now, but she was focused on Gem.

'Anyway, Gemma-' Iain started.

'Gem.'

He glared. 'Gem... I was wondering if there's anything I can bring to you? Perhaps I could take you out one day, could go to the beach or somet.' Iain nodded.

'I want Lily there too.' Gem said, voice wobbly.

Iain and Lily made eye contact now for the first time since they'd got there. Lily lowered her eyes first, feeling intimidated by the situation. She felt her cheeks tinge pink.

'Ah.. well...' Iain started.

'Oh my god, you're not together are you?' Gem asked, voice incredulous.

Iain just gave a short laugh while Lily looked around the room, close to tears.

'What's happened? Iain, she's upset?' Gem hissed at Iain. Iain ignored this.

'Nah. Yeah, Lily can come. If she's up for that.' Iain said, with an edge to his voice.

Lily just gave a nod, all too brief.

'I just, need the toilet. If you don't mind.' Lily grabbed her bag and walked over to the door, briefly giving a smile to the security guard and exiting down the steps.

'That's not like Lily.' Gem frowned.

'No, I know. Don't go blabbing it back to her.

'To be fair though, Iain. She's just had an accident and she's not sleeping with all the work she's putting in. When you're knackered, it does stuff to you. Makes you act all.. weird.' Gem explained.

'I know all that. How do I make it better though? She's just flounced off.' Iain sighed.

'She needed a wee!' Gem argued.

'I know Lily Chao.. She's left the situation because of how she feels. She does that. Avoid avoid avoid. Avoiding me, mainly.' A sigh escaped his lips.

'You need to talk to her.' Gem said.

'I've done that, Gemma. Doesn't work.' He muttered, as Lily walked back in.

Gem gave him a look as if to say 'I told you so', and met Lily with a smile.

The bell rang soon after, alerting everyone that visiting hours were over. Gem rolled her eyes.

'Hey. Behave. I'll be in touch with the workers and we'll sort a day out, yeah?' Iain said.

'Thanks for coming.' Gem leaned to hug him, and then leaned over to hug Lily too.

'See you soon, Gem.' Lily said, quietly.

As the heavy metal door slammed shut, Iain looked at Lily.

'We should be off then, I guess. Unless we want to sit in the visiting room all day.'

Lily just nodded.

All the way home in the car, Lily was silent. It put Iain on edge and he felt unsure what to do other than drive. He paid attention to the road, keeping his eyes straight ahead.

'Are you working tomorrow then?' Iain finally asked.

'No.' Lily replied. 'Are you?'

'No. It'll be my second day off in a row.'

'Me too. Back on Sunday.' Her voice quietened. 'Why do you ask?'

'Making conversation, Lily.' He smiled grimly.

'Right. Sorry.' She answered.

'Don't apologise. When can we talk? That's what I was getting to.' He sighed, trying to keep the frustration out his voice. Making conversation with Lily when she was a certain way out was like pulling teeth. She'd give yes/no answers or stay quiet, and it was tiring.

'I'm busy today.' Lily replied.

'Alright. Tomorrow?'

'I have a lot of work to do, Iain.'

'When do you not?' He sighed, looking over at her when they reached the traffic lights. Her facial expression remained indifferent and she stared straight ahead.

'Are you really sitting these exams?' He asked. She didn't reply again. 'Lily?' He asked her.

'Yes.' She snapped back.

'Is that the best idea?' He asked.

'It is what I want. I have always dreamed of becoming a consultant ever since I was a child.'

'And you're sure that was your dream?' Iain put emphasis on the your, intentionally so.

'Don't start that again.' She shook her head, still refusing to look at him.

'You're making yourself ill.' He was blunt now.

'That's my problem.'

'Except it's not only your problem, it happens to be mine too. And all the patients you're treating. You are recovering and you are tired. I had you down for more than putting patients at risk.' He said.

'What is this, some attempt to guilt trip me?' Lily replied, upset.

'No, I'm trying to make you see sense Lily!' Iain was angry now.

'I can see more sense now than ever before.' She answered.

'Oh, and what's that supposed to mean?' He shot back.

She didn't answer him now. She was angry but she knew she shouldn't say anything she regretted, not to anyone, not to Iain. She knew he cared and she couldn't push that away, no matter how heated the moment got.

'No, nothing.'

'Lily...' Iain sighed. 'I want to talk! I want to talk about you. About your week. About what you said in the prison. About Gem. About me and y-'

'Maybe some other time.' Lily climbed out the car as they pulled into the hospital.

'Can you not even spare me half an hour?'

'It's not that. I- I need to study.' She looked visibly upset.

He opened his mouth, then shut it. He just nodded.

'Yeah, alright.' He said, the words barely even coming out. He couldn't do anything except watch her walk away, across the car park. She was in pieces and he didn't know how to build her back up. The first step was her co-operating, which she wasn't doing. He switched the engine off and sat quietly in a bay, watching as the raindrops splat on to the windscreen. Jez's words popped back into his mind. Faith. Ha, that was a joke in itself. He just shook his head gently. Faith had never seemed less real. Plus, he thought, you could have all the faith in the world, but if someone keeps slamming doors in your face, there's nothing more to be done.

He shook his head, still engrossed in thought. How could it possibly work? They had such contrasting ideas about what it meant to live. Lily would always prioritise her job till the day she died. Even if they did get into a relationship. Years down the line - time off work. Iain would plan a nice day out, and Lily would be physically there. She'd be plagued mentally by thoughts of work and her job and she'd never fully relax. Getting married. Lily wouldn't even want a honeymoon, she'd just be anxious to get back to work. Having children. Lily would be back at work at the next opportunity, leaving Iain at home to change nappies and wipe tears. Maternity leave wouldn't exist in her world. Retiring. Lily wouldn't until she physically couldn't work. Iain would be left in a bungalow, all alone, day in day out. Counting the hours till she came home, and even then, she'd be so knackered that she'd want to go straight to bed. They'd make a cup of tea and the cycle would begin again. He'd plod round in his slippers and tend to his garden, watching others live and love, while he was stuck alone.

Such thoughts of the future were obviously drastic and he knew that things could always change, but another part of him knew he'd just fully realised what he could be getting himself in for. Love was not meant to be a chore or a drag. Love should set you free, open up your freedoms and possibilities. Enhance your life. The true love Iain craved should never leave you alone. Even on your darkest of days, it should always be there. There as a light shining, there to pull you through. There, by your side.

Lily was a perfect storm. Indestructible yet fragile, a law unto herself. He'd seen sides to her that not many people had seen and he'd fallen in love with that. Being a doctor was Lily's world, and he did admire her dedication to saving lives combined with her love of science. He just didn't know if it was a world he could be part of. Waiting around for someone who didn't make you their everything would not be a way to live.

With this thought, he put the keys into the engine and drove home. The radio drowned out his thoughts.


	7. chapter 7

Iain's eyes opened to the buzz of his mobile. 3. Three in the morning. He slid his finger across the screen and held it to his ear.

'Hello?'

'Iain?' Lily's voice came down the phone. It was quiet and she sounded teary, although Iain didn't know if he'd picked it up wrong.

'What's wrong?' Iain said, instantly.

'Can I come over?' She asked.

'Uh... well. What's wrong? I'll come to you.' He replied, eyes wandering to his clothes on the back of a chair.

'I'm outside now.' She said. She sounded upset and Iain became worried, despite his earlier thoughts. His concerns were not dampened when he learned she was outside his flat. In fact, he felt something rise in his chest. Anger? Panic? Relief?

'Let me buzz the door. Hold on.' He walked over to the door, holding the button down.

Within the space of ten seconds, Lily was upstairs.

He opened the door and took one look at her. Her eyes were more tired than usual, dark shadows highlighting them in the worst way. She wore her glasses, something Iain wasn't used to seeing. Her hair was matted and scraped back, in place only by a plastic hair grip. She wore no makeup and was in joggers and a hoodie. He felt angry at her for making her own way to his flat - in the middle of the night - alone. However, he knew being angry wouldn't help her open up, nor would it change anything.

Iain just shook his head, in semi-disbelief and sadness too. He just held the door open wider. She made her way in. 'I'd offer you a coffee but I think you need to sleep.' He said, quietly.

Lily just nodded. 'I couldn't. And then I got worried as I haven't slept in ages, Iain. Not in ages.' Her voice wobbled.

'Understandable.' He nodded.

Her face screwed up in angst. Iain understood now.

'You will be fine, though.' He said. He didn't convince himself by this, but Lily just needed to hear someone sound sure - the conviction in his voice, however false, would be reassuring enough.

'I've heard all sorts of things about what can happen if you get too fatigued...' Lily started. 'And earlier when you said..' Her face was a picture of worry and distress.

'Right, well ignore what I said. You're the expert out of the two of us, hey? What would I know? Besides. Nothing is going to happen to you. You'll just be a little tired.' Iain comforted.

Lily nodded, taking shaky gulps of air. She'd started to shake a little bit, noticeably so.

He frowned now. Panic attack. He'd recognise it if ever he saw one, with having PTSD and being in the army for so long.

'Alright. Sit down.' He soothed. He did worry for a moment he was being too bossy, but remembered she needed someone to look after her in the moment - and there was no one else to do it but him.

A few minutes after, it had subsided, and Lily was sitting on Iain's sofa, upset still.

'Look, Lily. Hey. Lily, look at me darling. You're going to be fine. Okay? You won't be ill and you won't have anything awful happen to you, or anything like that. Maybe you should just have a little lie down. Physical rest, if nothing else, is good.' He told her.

'But my work, I didn't finish the report on leukocytes and their functions-' Her voice sounded strangled, coming out in whispers.

'Sod your work. Listen to me. You can do that tomorrow, if at all.' He muttered the last part.

'I'm running out of tomorrows!' She sounded panicked. He ignored this.

'Look. I promise you there will be time, Lily. Time to do it. Time to do everything you want in the world. You've got to trust me.' He moved to give her shoulder a comforting rub. She rested her face in her palms and started to cry again.

Iain knew how she was excessively overtired, but managed to refrain from making any more comments about that. It would just cause her to become more and more agitated, and he had neither the ability or energy to deal with an even more upset Lily.

'Let's have a lie down.' Iain sighed, looking at her with pity in his eyes.

'I'll stay on the sofa, I'm not even tired..' Lily whispered, but her voice cracked as she said it.

'Now you are being daft. You came over here for a reason, didn't you? You didn't want to be alone. The sofa would be no different from just staying at home. And, look, I want to sleep. Even if you don't plan on it, you can keep me company.' He told her, being careful to persuade her with his language. It seemed to work.

She nodded now. 'If you're sure, after the other night and even yesterday when I just left and-'

'We'll talk about that another time. We've.. well, we've lots to discuss, haven't we? Even so. No rush now. He comforted.

She just nodded and let him guide her to his room, mumbling the odd sentence that was indistinguishable and completely incoherent. He exhaled slowly. He started to realise there were more layers to Lily than he first imagined there were. He switched off the light, just before catching sight of her glasses on the bedside table. Things were oh so simple yet oh so complicated. He sighed again, thinking back to earlier. How was he supposed to know what to do? He took solace in the fact that she was beside him - maybe they would get the chance to discuss further in the morning. Maybe they'd get somewhere. Maybe his hopes were up too high.


	8. chapter 8

**Thank you to everyone who's following, liking and reviewing! All appreciated. Lily may just get her cuddle this chapter... though I'm not sure it's my best write ever /**

Lily stirred and awoke after 11. Iain let her come round in her own time. She stumbled out of the bedroom, still tired.

'Morning.' He looked up from sweeping the floor.

'Hi.' She said, quietly looking at her feet. She stood in the doorway, as Iain continued to clean, wearing his Batman dressing gown.

'You were out for the count.' He said.

'Yes, I feel lots better now. So.. thank you.' She gave a nod of the head. 'Oh, and.. sorry I woke you. I shouldn't have done.'

'No, I'm glad you did. Whenever you need me, yeah? Or anyone else... just don't be by yourself Lily.' He put down the sweeping brush to look at her. She just stood in the doorway, loosely picking at a thread on her jumper.

'I have lost sight of a lot of things. I don't know who I really even am...' She said, voice hoarse.

He hated seeing Lily, or anyone else, in a state where they felt so helpless. It made him feel helpless too. All he wanted to do was fix and make better, and it didn't even seem possible.

'Course you know who you are! Oh, Lily. Come here.' Iain said, voice gentle. Lily didn't need to be asked twice and took a few steps into his outstretched arms. 'Come on, now.' He was gentle but held her firmly against him even so. She took uneven, shaky breaths in intervals so irregular that Iain's concerns were far from eased. 'Maybe you could do to take a little time off work. You could study at home then, think about that!' He said. Truthfully, he didn't really think she ought to or needed to study anything, but he knew such a compromise was more likely to persuade Lily than telling her she was ill and must take time off.

'Maybe.' She whispered back, which took him by surprise. He didn't think he'd managed to convince her enough. It was then that he realised the extent of her injuries and subsequent mental health - never did he ever think he'd see a day where Lily Chao would be persuaded to do something like have time off work. It would be wrong to feel a sense of accomplishment, but he couldn't help but feel relieved.

Lily continued to be held. Her face was buried in the material of Iain's dressing gown. She'd try to thank him every so often, but it would be muffled. He didn't want her thanks or her gratitude. It wasn't even about that.

'My feet are aching. Been cleaning all morning. Come sit on the sofa and we'll have a chat there.' He broke them apart gently.

'So...' Iain handed Lily a plate of toast. He'd cut it into triangles without her even having to ask. As infantile and silly as Lily knew the belief was, squares did not taste the same as triangles. Triangles were always better.

'One positive about this morning. You get to experience my breakfast.' He smiled.

'It's nice. Thanks.'

'It's just toast, Lily. You're so well-mannered, bless ya.'

'No, it's.. it's nice toast.' Lily said, voice faltering unintentionally.

They both let out a short laugh. It sounded ridiculous. It was ridiculous. Lily knew Iain was right, it was just toast. Talking about breakfast though felt loads easier than talking about what they knew they had to discuss. It looked so silly in comparison, Lily thought. Are we together vs. thank you for putting butter on bread well? She cringed inside.

'Right, okay.' They both said, at the same time. Iain's eyes widened and he smiled, while Lily just smiled coyly, looking down.

'Go on, you first.' He said.

'I don't really even know what I would have said, I was just filling the silence..'

'Yeah, me too. Me too.' Iain furrowed his eyebrows, and plumped a cushion to transfer his awkwardness into a distraction.

'So, anyway. I'm going to just be upfront about it because playing games is silly, you and I both know that for sure. Neither of us know what we are.' Iain stated.

Lily just nodded slowly.

'But I think... we'd, well, I'd definitely quite like to know.' He breathed in, making eye contact with her now.

'I'm sorry about the other night... Iain. I am. All I can think about at the moment is these exams. I can't be anything to anyone while I'm working so intensely.' She shook her head.

'Yeah, but you were up until the wee small hours. If you don't want to get into anything, then fine, but go easy on yourself. I've said that already.' Concern was evident in his expression.

She just nodded. 'It won't be for long. Five more days.'

He just sighed. 'Yeah, okay. No more 3am all nighters, though. I know what happened... happened. I won't put you on the spot again, with hindsight, it perhaps wasn't fair of me to. But maybe we can review all this after your exams. You don't need anything else to think about right now.' He breathed.

Lily shook her head, small tears forming in her eyes. He was so understanding, so considerate. She didn't deserve it.

'Thank you, Iain. I... I appreciate everything.' She looked down once more.

'Yeah. Look, I know I left the other night, but I'm thinking I should come back to yours. That way, I'm there if you need me. Or vice versa. Or... you could come to mine at a certain point to get out of your studies? That might be better.' He said.

She didn't react, staring at the carpet.

'Or... I don't know. It was a suggestion. Whatever you want to do, it's-'

She gave a small clear of the throat, and he fell silent.

'Yeah. If you don't mind.' She nodded.

'Okay? Good, good. Well, we don't want to be playing musical flats. I'm happy anywhere, I know you like a routine a bit more.' He said, glancing at her.

'Maybe getting away from the books isn't such a bad plan.'

Iain gave her a warm smile. 'Good, Chuckles. We'll have a laugh. You'll soon be sick of me.' He said.

'Ah, I don't doubt I will.' She gave a small smile back. She was still standoffish, unintentionally so, but Iain let it slide. It was progress. Hopefully.


	9. chapter 9

**Bit of a filler chapter :-) hope you like.**

It was a muggy day, and everyone in the ED was grumpy to be at work. It was a Monday, the least favourite day of the week. The heat was an additional annoyance. Wearing dark green shirts and heavy uniform probably wasn't helping Iain's cause. He sat in the ambulance, scrolling his messages. One from Lily.

'Hurry Jez along, it is a busy day today. Not many beds.'

Iain was puzzled. Why didn't she walkie talkie? It was weird for Lily to have her phone out on shift. He put his phone away, having still not heard from Jez.

Ten minutes later, Jez came bounding along across the forecourt. Iain's eyes widened in disbelief and anger too.

'Of all the stupid things, Jez.' Iain shook his head at the sight of the small child attached to his colleague's hand.

'Aw, come on. Ali had to work. Kian doesn't go to school yet, he starts in September.' Jez explained.

'Well, that's just great. Who normally looks after him?' Iain asked.

'Our mum, or Ali's ex's mum.' Jez shrugged, not getting the point.

'So why can't they today?'

'One's on holiday, one's got the flu. I agreed to have him months ago but forgot I was working.' Jez said, eyes pleading with Iain.

'No way. No way?! Jez. You can't bring him here! Have you lost your mind completely? You're going to have to take him home and we'll call in another paramedic.' Iain sighed.

At that moment, Alicia ran out into the ambulance bay.

'Iain, we really need you to set off to that call now... as a matter of urgency. It's been like-' Her voice stopped suddenly when she saw the child.

'Jez!' Alicia exclaimed, her eyes widening.

'I know it's not ideal.' His facial expression turned to an apologetic one now.

'Well, you've got that right.' Alicia eyed the child. 'Wha... well... look. I'm going to get in trouble if you're not out on a call, the pair of you. I don't want any more grief today from anyone, so I'll take him. What's his name?' She asked.

'Where will you go?' Jez asked.

'I don't know, family room? Staffroom? On call room? I'll have to think of something, won't I..' She chewed a lip.

'If you're sure. Thanks, Lish, I'll make it up to you. Drinks or something.' He smiled.

She raised an eyebrow. 'Whatever. What's his name?'

'Kian.' Jez replied, and then knelt down to his nephew. 'Kian, you're going to spend the morning with Auntie Alicia. She's very silly but she's fun. You'll love that.' Jez gently gave Kian a push on the back.

'When will you be back?' Kian asked.

'Oh, very soon, mate. Soon, little man. I promise.' Jez was already in the ambulance, slamming the door behind him.

'Thanks, Alicia. Godsend.' Iain gave a smile.

'Yeah. Something like that.' Alicia looked down at the child she'd acquired responsibility for. 'Right, dude. Let's go do something!' She took his sticky hand and led him back into the hospital as Iain and Jez drove off.

Lily sighed and shook her head. Alicia was no longer strictly her mentee, but it didn't mean that Lily didn't look out for her. She never seemed to be where she should be - with the patients. 'Louise, can you look out for Dr Munroe please?' Lily called.

'Yeah, sure. I'll call her into cubicles when I can.'

'Thanks.' Lily nodded. Something caught Lily's eye as she approached the relatives room. 'Actually, never mind.'

She opened the door to see an array of colourful pictures littering the floor. Paint was all over the paper, shades of red and blue and yellow. Alicia, sure enough, was sitting frog-legged on the carpet, paint down her scrubs. 'What is this? Who's this?' Lily asked, eyes goggling at the small boy with curly hair.

'This... is Kian.' Alicia looked up to meet Lily with a smile. 'He's four.'

Lily just nodded, eager to intervene. 'No, I mean... whose is he then?' She asked.

'Jez's nephew. Found him in the ambulance bay with the lads. They needed to go out, didn't they, so I took him.' Alicia said.

'Very good of you. What about your shift?' Lily asked.

'Well, I'll clearly stay on, won't I? I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, Lily. Either I told Jez to go home and get in trouble, or-'

'Bring a stranger's child into a hospital which just so happens to be your work place and fail to tend to patients all morning. So you, obviously chose the latter.' Lily snapped.

'I've been painting with Auntie Alicia...' Kian walked up to Lily with a smile, hands outstretched.

Lily looked in horror at the approaching child, as his hands were covered in paint. 'So I see. Lovely pictures, Kian. Well done. Would you like me to put them somewhere safe perhaps so that you can take them home and show mum later on?' Lily asked.

Alicia glared at her, cottoning on to her motives to tidy up the mess.

'I'll clean up, Lily. It doesn't matter.' Alicia mumbled.

'I will do it. Kian can stay with Noel, he's not too busy. You need to get back to work.' Lily raised an eyebrow.

'But Lily, I did-'

'Go.' Lily said. Alicia bent down in front of Kian.

'See you soon, buddy. I loved painting. We'll have to do it again. Lily will take you to find Noel now.' Alicia gave him a warm smile, and stood up to glare at Lily once more. Lily ignored this.

As Kian picked up his pictures, Alicia sighed. 'This kid is being passed from pillar to post today, it's not fair.' She shook her head.

''That's Jez's problem, not yours. And it's certainly not mine.' She shook her head and gingerly took Kian by the wrist, leading him towards reception.

When Iain and Jez got back to the hospital that evening, it was getting late. Well past five. Lily sat and typed up reports and documents while Kian sat on her lap, sleepily sucking his finger. Iain couldn't help but let out a laugh as he saw them, nudging Jez and pointing.

'About time, boys.' She looked up for a second, then turned her attention back to her monitor.

'Has he been good?' Jez asked.

'I don't know, Jez. I've only had him for the past hour. Ask Alicia, and Noel, David and Max too.' She replied, coolly.

'Ooooh! Someone is in a moo-oo-OOD!' Jez cackled with laughter and Iain smirked too.

'It's not funny, Jez. I suggest in future you remember to check the work rota. This cannot happen again.' Lily gently moved and slipped the 4 year old off her lap, before Iain really had chance to take in the scene.

'Okay, I will, I will. Come on, my man.' Jez outstretched his arms and Kian willingly ran to him, clutching his legs. He bent over to scoop him up.

'Where's your other nephew? Callum, did you say?' Iain asked.

'Cameron. He's at an after school club, I need to pick him up actually.'

He checked his watch. 'Shi- sugar. Ta again Lily. You're a star.' Jez broke into a dash out the doors, the child in his arms.

'You've had quite the day then?' Iain asked Lily.

'Mm, you could say.' She sighed.

'Beats thinking about them exams too much, right?'

'No. I would rather have three hundred exams in one week to sit than look after somebody's else's child in my own workplace. The ED is no place for a child.' She answered.

Iain laughed then. 'Only you. Childcare's a doddle. Kian's good as gold, bless him.'

'Well-behaved or otherwise, it isn't exactly my favourite pasttime. And it's certainly not what I'm paid to do.' She didn't look up from her computer screen this time.

'Easy shift then really, get paid for doing what you're not supposed to...' He gave her a shrug.

'Not in the slightest. Like I said. I would have rather treated patients. I would rather Alicia had done the same.' She answered once more, logging the computer off now.

'Well, you can tomorrow can't you?' He said.

'Yeah. Aw, his drawings, he didn't take them...' Lily sighed, as she caught sight of the striking, clashy patterns she'd hung to dry hours earlier still in the exact same place - draped over the cleaning trolley.

'It's fine, I'll put them in the staffroom now and Jez can pick them up tomorrow.' Iain walked over to them, picking them up and observing them.

'This looks a little too advanced for a four year old..' He observed. 'Been playing with the paints Lily?'

'Ha ha... Alicia's I presume. She was meant to be in cubicles but chose to do finger painting instead.' Lily shook her head, as if this was alien to her.

'Nowt wrong with a bit of painting. Bet you confiscated them, didn't you?' Iain asked.

'No..' Lily said, but her eyes shot down at the same time.

Iain's eyes widened. 'You did, as well! Didn't you?' He gave a laugh.

'They were getting them everywhere. He'd done four paintings already. Alicia was just getting carried away.' Lily argued.

'You don't have to justify yourself, Lily. I was just teasing. Anyway... I'll go put these to dry and then get off, if that's alright with you. I'll put something in the oven though.' He nodded.

'Okay.' She gave him a smile then.

'See you in a bit.' Iain returned the smile and took the paper in the direction of the staffroom. He didn't hear her when she whispered 'see you' to his back.


	10. chapter 10

Lily arrived at the flat later than both she and Iain had anticipated. Iain had waited up, sitting on the sofa, eyes staring blankly at the TV screen, an empty beer can on the cabinet next to him.

'You'll get square eyes.' Lily said, hanging up her coat.

'Evening, Chuckles.'

Lily just smiled. 'Sorry. Got caught up in writing up notes. What time is it?' She asked.

'Twenty to ten. You've worked four hours over your shift.' He raised an eyebrow.

'The life of a junior doctor in today's healthcare system.' She replied.

'Right, remember what I said about not overdoing it though?' He sighed.

'I will be fine.' She answered, still lingering in the doorway.

'Hm. Come sit down.' He patted the sofa, so she obliged, sitting up straight, almost as if she was still at work.

'You can't be comfy in them stilettos.' He shook his head.

Lily smirked. 'Stilettos! Oh, Iain.'

'Well! If I were you, I'd be in my trainers.' He said.

'It's a good job that you're not me, then.' She looked at him, a smile escaping her lips.

'You used to wear your trainers, what happened?' He asked.

'Back before I realised I needed to be taken seriously, yes.' She replied, decidedly.

'In trainers or feet killers, nobody could ever not take you seriously.' He said.

'I'm trying to work out whether that was meant as a compliment, or as an insult.' She looked thoughtful now.

Iain just chuckled, turning his attention to the TV. The Chase was playing in the background.

'It's great, isn't it?' Lily said.

'What?'

'The Chase...' Lily gestured towards the telly.

'Oh. Yeah, it is.'

'Never had you down for a quiz-fanatic, though.' Lily said, turning to watch his reaction.

'That's how I win all the pub quizzes. My secret.' He raised an eyebrow.

'Well, educational. I suppose it's better than those silly action movies.' Lily smiled now, as if she knew a secret herself.

'They are not silly, they are amazing! Wait, how do you even know about that?' He said.

'Hahaha...' Lily smiled.

'Lily Chao. Tell.' Iain demanded.

Lily just sat with a smug expression on her face.

'I'll resort to measures you'll regret.' He warned.

'Oh, like what?' Lily said, beginning to enjoy herself.

She squealed when Iain jabbed her playfully. She attempted to jab him back, a decision she went on to regret a couple of seconds later.

He shifted on top of her and pinned her wrists above her head with one hand. He was gentle still yet applied enough pressure to stop her from moving.

'Tell me! It's not much use wriggling, Lily, is it? Iain teased.

'Okay, okay.' She whined. No sooner had she said this, the tickling subsided.

'Action films.' She whispered, and was subjected to another merciless attack of tickles.

She giggled now, sides hurting. 'Gem may told me when I was tutoring her.' Lily peeked out of one eye to see his reaction.

'That sister of mine.' Iain shook his head, and sat back on the sofa. Lily sat up then, hair sticking up in all directions, frizzy.

'It was interesting, learning lots of little secrets.' Lily smiled.

'I'm turning the telly off, the team are losing anyway.' Iain tossed the remotes aside in what Lily could only imagine was embarrassment.

'Yeah. It's always boring when the Chasers win.' Lily commented, thoughtful now. 'Who's your favourite Chaser?' She asked.

'Ha. Easy. The Beast. He's the mastermind.' Iain nodded with conviction. He paused. 'Bet I know yours, and it's not even the most obvious. Now. Someone who didn't know Lily would say, surely the doctor Paul is her favourite. But... I think you're more like Anne.'

Lily just rolled her eyes. 'You would have been correct first time. I'm not that cold you know. I could get a complex.' She sighed.

Iain put the remotes on the cabinet and stretched. Lily took the hint and stood up, finally kicking off her heels. Once they got into the hallway, Iain glanced down.

'Lily, your feet. They're red raw. So, not only do you choose to squish your toes together all day, but they also dig in? You're a doctor yourself, you should know about how they can misalign bone structure!' He said.

'I'll be fine. They'll go down soon.' Lily sighed, looking at the swelling around her toes.

Iain just shook his head at her. 'You've still not eaten, either. I've plated up some of the dinner for you, I made curry if that's alright. Well, when I say made, Uncle Ben did his share where the rice was concerned.' He said.

Lily smiled then. 'Thank you. I'll pop and eat it now.'

'Want me to keep you company?' He asked.

'No, you don't have to, you've done enough. I'll be through in ten minutes or so.' She nodded.

'Okay. Shout if you need owt.'

Iain couldn't help but think how mild and content she'd been tonight, despite her near enough 12 hour day. Her temperament had been lovely and he felt also as if she'd let her guard down slightly. Not once had she referenced the exams since being at his. It felt like an achievement, and strangely, a weight off his own shoulders to see her relax a little. He slipped into pyjamas and got under the covers, dimming the lamp. As he waited, he scrolled his notifications. Photo message from Jez. Iain grinned as he saw the picture of his colleague alongside the two small boys, all with an ice cream in hand. The caption was 'Iain - was 10min late to C's sch. Caretaker waited w him and sed I looked stress, bought us all an ice cream! What a guy. Tell Lily thank u!'

He screenshotted it, making a mental note to share with Lily when she'd finished eating. As far as days went, it had been quite chilled, unexpectedly so.


	11. chapter 11

**Sally B: Aw, thanks for your comments! Really glad and it means a lot that you're enjoying. I'm updating as quickly as I can.**

 **MrsWhovian: Thank you so much! Love your one-shots and stories too. They're adorable and I honestly can't wait for them to get together.**

 **Guest: Thanks for your feedback - I agree in reality to be fair. I just wanted a scene that didn't involve Lily and Iain solidly, to break things up a bit. I like to think she'd have some people willing to meet with her anyway. Your comments are very much taken on board :-)**

 **TheBeautifulNerd: Glad you like it and are following it - I am equally enjoying your updates to your stories!**

'Today's the day.' Iain commented, as they made their way down the stairs to the ground floor.

'It's... worrying...' Lily said, expression anxious.

'Nah. Perspective. Remember what I said, you'll ace them. You know everything anyway.' He told her.

She just nodded. Just as this happened, Iain's elderly neighbour exited the doors too.

'Morning, Iain love.' The woman called.

'Hi, Mary! You alright?' Iain shouted, voice echoing in the corridor.

'Yes thanks! I'll pop over later, I've baked some ginger biscuits and I've loads of spares.' The woman replied, enthusiastically.

Iain and Lily turned the corner and Iain rolled his eyes.

'Thanks, Mary! You shouldn't have done.' Iain shouted, again, if a little falsely.

'No, no worries. You take care!' Mary called.

'And you, darling.' Iain replied, as they continued to walk. He turned round to check to see if anyone was behind.

'Thank god.' He said.

'Aw, she's nice.' Lily replied.

'She's a pain in the backside.'

'She's baked you biscuits! That's sweet and motherly.' Lily commented.

'Mm.' He replied, not convinced, as he put up a brolly for them to walk to work under.

Lily kept her head down for most of the walk, and Iain didn't attempt to engage her in conversation. She had things to think about, go over.

Lily lined up with the a few others outside the exam hall. They were all considerably older then her. Doubts plagued her mind. More experienced. Better. Older. More chance of getting the job. Her head begun to pound and a wave of nausea hit her. Still, she remembered she was in a room full of medics, so she'd be fine health wise. She'd just need to know enough to pass the exams. Lily made eye contact with Dylan. 'Good luck.' He nodded his head once.

'Yeah. Same to you.' She replied.

A stern looking invigilator reminded them to be silent. Lily obliged, dropping her head down. The all-too-familiar feeling of dread started to burn her lungs. Breathe. She couldn't breathe. Her lungs kickstarted and she gave a cough. She has to. It was now or never to do her father proud.

'Ah, Lily! How did they go?' Elle asked, a few paces behind Lily as they walked down the hospital steps.

'It doesn't matter how they went, they are done now. That's it.' She sighed.

'Not well then, I take it...' Sympathy was in Elle's voice now, as Lily was so clearly disappointed.

'Sorry, Elle. I'll speak with you tomorrow.' Lily said, quietly.

Iain walked in through the doors and Elle gestured a hand horizontally along her neck. Iain's eyes travelled upwards so Lily spun around. Elle dropped her hands by her sides and overtook her on the steps, dashing off to behind the counter.

'Hey, how are you?' Iain asked gently, remembering Elle's signals and trying to be calm for her.

Lily just shook her head once. 'I just want to go home, I'm exhausted.'

'Alright. Home, as in, your flat?' He checked.

She nodded. 'Yeah. Now the exams are over.'

Iain felt dejected and tried to bury thoughts about the conversation they'd agreed to have - after the exams. He decided it best not to mention that, especially seeing as Lily clearly wanted space and to be by herself again.

'Need help moving your stuff?' He asked, getting some hand gel from the dispenser on the wall.

She shook her head again. 'I'll manage, I only brought one bag. The key you gave me... I'll post it back through the letterbox after I've locked up.' She said.

'Or you could just come and find me and give me them?' Iain sighed, trying not to be irritable.

'I'd rather get home... you might be on a call anyway.'

'Could leave them with Charlie or Max.' He suggested.

'I'll post them through.' Lily nodded, and he knew it would be futile and a waste of time to argue further.

Charming, he thought. Not even so much as a thanks. He knew he was wrong to expect too much, but at the same time, a big part of him had hoped everything would be nice after the exams.

'Okay.' Lily nodded, and with nothing else to say, she began to walk down the corridor.

'Lily!' Iain called. She turned round, stopping. He opened his mouth, then closed it. 'Just... message me to let me know you're home alright.' His voice was flat and tapered off towards the end. Lily seemed unaffected, apart from her eyes. They looked tired, sad. Iain wondered if it was his imagination that they were glistening. Maybe she'd just had a long day. It was hayfever season, she had sneezed a bit earlier and perhaps it was just that. Lily just blinked at him. They stood there and froze. It felt like at least a minute to Iain, but compromised at under a second. She just nodded quickly and left. Iain waited until he couldn't hear the sound of heels on the patent floor and then turned to lean on the wall, letting out a groan. She'd admittedly had a hard time, but he was far from capable of helping her if she actively refused the help.

Dusk had begun by the time she arrived at her flat. It was chilly, and there was a distinct mustiness to the air that hadn't been there a few days previous. Lily pushed the door closed, but the draft stayed. She was greeted by her textbooks and notes, strewn all over the floor. The last time she'd seen the four walls of her apartment had been the middle of the night several days before. Notes about airway traumas, gonadotropin types in detail.

Still there, two hours later. Even after she'd showered. Of course, it wouldn't have miraculously tidied itself up, but even so. All the pages of work were a tangible reminder of the stress and the strain she'd put herself under for years. And, none of it mattered. None of it seemed worth it. None of it even seemed real. A mug of coffee sat on the side. She tried to pick it up. Stuck to the table. Eventually she tugged it free, but her face crumpled at the sticky brown residue left on the coffee table. Tears began to flow, and she hurled the mug at the wall. Shards of ceramic flew everywhere. All over the new rug, the TV set, the photo frames on the wall. Photos of her family ruined. Anger surged through her once more, and she seized the photo frames. They clattered to the floor, smashed and broken. What use were they anyway? Objects, objects that didn't even matter. She found the picture of her father with her as a toddler. That one went out the window. She didn't even notice the clatter on the pavement below.

'Lily.' Iain's voice was at the door. No answer. Lily fell silent and put a hand to her mouth, shaking. The extent of what she'd done begun to sink in, all too quickly. The flat looked as if she'd been burgled. Broken shards of glass and pot everywhere, old congealed coffee had managed to stain the once pristine cream rug. Iain's voice again made her jump this time. 'Lily, I don't want to kick this down. Let me in.' Her stomach twisted. If she let him in, he'd see the mess. The destruction. He would see everything. That's what she felt it was best she kept him out. 'Open up.' He sighed, once more.

His commands swayed her and she pulled the latch. He turned the handle and opened the door wide. Lily first saw the broken photo frame laid across his palm. Her face crumpled once more.

 **So. Attempted to be a bit metaphorical in the last bit but didn't really go as well as I'd have hoped :-( next chapter up in a couple of days or so. How will Iain react?**


	12. chapter 12

Black trails of makeup stained her cheeks. Iain shook his head, at a loss for words. He looked back down at his hand, the photo frame. He looked back up at Lily, who dropped her eyes to the floor.

He let himself in. She tried to stand in his way, but he brushed her aside.

'Oh my god, what have you done?' He murmured, looking at the piles of strewn objects. Broken things. It first took him by surprise, but he then sprung into action.

As he gingerly reached for the intact remains of a broken mug, Lily watched.

'Why were you near my flat?' She asked.

He turned round and gave her a withering look. Of all the questions.

'I came home this way. Was going to pop in, check on you. I then decided you probably wanted some peace, so I walked past. Just as I'm walking under that window, I hear an almighty clatter. I turn around, and there's shattered glass less than three inches behind the back of my head. Crouch down to look at the picture, and it's not too difficult to work it out from there.' He shook his head at her.

A hand flew up to Lily's mouth, and she visibly trembled.

He just shrugged, indifferent almost. He continued to clean. Lily didn't respond to the odd remark he made, he didn't react to her continual sobs.

'Shame about the rug. You've only just had this place renovated as well.' He commented.

He'd managed to sort through the masses of broken glass and even the photos, which were at first barely recognisable due to the state of the frames. 'The thing is, Lily. What am I even supposed to do now? I'm caught between a rock and a hard place WHICHEVER way you look at things. I have to stay, really. What sort of a man does it make me if I don't?' His voice was louder than he meant for it to be, and he thought out loud perhaps too much.

'Only you can make that decision..' She whispered back, voice shaky.

'Yeah? Well I nearly wouldn't have had that decision to make if I'd been a few steps behind or a second or so earlier.' He spat. As soon as the words came out his mouth, they tasted bitter. He watched her expression, which first appeared confused until understanding took hold.

'I would _never_ hurt you.' Her voice almost sounded like a plea, tears brimming in her eyes.

'That's the thing with you though Lily,' Iain said, words tumbling out his mouth in a torrent. He knew they were hurtful but he couldn't stop them. They were all born out of one emotion - resent. The anger flowing out was down to so much more than just the mess she'd made. 'You never do _mean_ to do anything. You just do things with such a disregard for others. You don't stop to think about how it's affecting them, how it could affect them even. Zero consideration. Luckily, things turned out fine today.' He watched her watch him, eyes big. He continued nevertheless. 'One day in the near future, you won't be so lucky. And it'll be then when you realise that-'

He was broken off when she slumped against the wall. She sat with elbows resting on her knees, face in her hands. He felt a sense of guilt that culminated as a stabbing pain in his chest. The pain was so intense, it almost felt physical. A part of him wished it was. He felt he deserved the worst, because she deserved the best and he was the one to hurt her.

It was the quietness of her cries that alarmed him the most. There, sitting on the floor, she was the picture of utter defeat, despair and helplessness and he'd played a part in it. For a second, he wondered why he'd even bothered to go up to the flat. If she wanted to break the things that belonged to her, it was her prerogative. At the same time, he knew that she'd needed someone in that moment. His perspective was skewed and thoughts were jumbled in his head. Thoughts that he was sick to death of. He'd never seen her so out of character and he gulped. The sight scared him almost as much as it upset him.

He stood almost frozen to the spot as she continued to cry. He shook his head and remembered why he'd gone in the first place. The three words he'd said a couple of weeks before. He pushed his pride and doubts aside and paced over to where she was sitting, lowering himself down to be beside her.

'Come here, come on.' He whispered, and outstretched an arm. She resisted at first, but let herself be held after a while.

'Go away...' Her voice came in gulps.

'I would do, if I thought you really meant it.' He moved to kiss the top of her head but she moved before he could, turning round to face him.

'I do...' Her voice cracked as she said this, and Iain's chest ached.

'No more tears, come on. You've cried enough for the pair of us, hm?' He wiped her cheeks with a thumb. They sat together in silence for a couple of minutes before she started to move.

'I should really tidy up.' She said.

'I've done most of it, all there's to do is the revision stuff.' He replied.

She walked over, still sniffing as she picked paper up. Iain watched her as she did this. Seeing her so upset and stressed made his heart break, and he should've known better after the day she had.

'Lily..' He sighed. She turned around and met him with her eyes. He swallowed and tried to keep the wobble out his voice. It would've been all too easy for him to cry himself.

'I've had a better idea.'

In the space of thirty minutes they were sitting, cross-legged, in the fields behind the block of apartments. The makeshift fire sat on twigs and dry grass less than a foot in front of them. Iain had quickly assembled it, and Lily had wondered how he managed to do it in such a time. He went on to explain about his days in the army, and how he used to do scouts when he was a child. Lily had listened intently to his stories as he told them, but they had soon fallen quiet as they watched the fire. When he tossed a wad of notes into the fire, she let out a small gasp.

'Fuel.' Iain told her, noticing she looked alarmed.

'I might need them...' She looked anguished as she flicked through the pages on her lap.

'Nah, will you heck? You'll never use these again. You'll feel better for doing this, I reckon.' He told her, reaching for more work out of the resusuable carrier bag he'd lugged down with them.

She reluctantly picked up a few pages of paper and threw them in. She watched as the flames licked the paper, and saw it turn white to orange to black. The ashes crumbled onto the grass below, and as much as she hated to admit it, he was right. It was a relief.

'Iain, I just want to tell you something about earlier...' She started, managing to look apologetic yet accusing at the same time.

'I'd rather you didn't...' He looked at the fire, beginning to feel uncomfortable again.

'Please... please just listen.'

He gave a nod, so she took her cue. 'You were right. I was reckless. Stupid, and reckless.' The smoke from the fire stung her eyes as she spoke.

Iain wanted to interject and tell her she wasn't stupid, in fact, far from it. He bit his tongue and let her continue.

'I just felt so frustrated. Nothing had gone right today. I needed to take my anger out. I am... so sorry it nearly hurt you.' She threw more paper onto the fire. A couple of pages fell on the grass with the wind, so he picked them up and threw them back on.

He waited for her to finish, just nodding. Lily observed that he seemed to be nodding too much, and wondered if all people ever really listen, or if they just wait for their turn to speak. She presumed the latter. On the scale of important issues, it didn't feel like one, so she decided to give him her full attention anyway.

'Look. You were stressed. I shouldn't have shouted at you. I was angry, confused even, about a lot of things. That didn't justify me being so personal, alright? You'd had a long day which hadn't helped, and I know that's exactly why you had to take your frustrations out by damaging things,' Iain continued, fiddling with the grass below. 'Perhaps even coming over to the flat was a bad idea, I should've just left the frame where it was, on the ground. That didn't feel right though, and instinct told me I had to come up. It's because I care, even if I showed it badly. I hope you, you know. Forgive me for that.' He searched for the appropriate words, but she patiently listened.

'Maybe we should just put it behind us. Again, sorry.' Lily's voice was quiet and saturated with emotion.

'No more apologies now, not from either of us. We need to move on. We'll glue those frames later on though, yeah? I'll think of something.'

Iain couldn't help but think about how it was both interesting and a coincidence that the photo of Lily and her dad had gone out the window, in light of all the exams she'd taken that day. He knew he played on her mind more than she cared to let on.

'Also, Lils. This is the last thing I'll say about it, sorry for banging on and on, but I get the impression you didn't think them exams went too well today. And, to be honest, whatever. I'm a strong believer in that little saying, that "everything happens for a reason". I'm sure you do your dad proud anyway, and who cares if you don't? You do yourself proud in every wake of life.' He said.

'How do you know what to say?' She giggled now, tears ebbing away.

'Cos I know you. I also know you'll have done better than you think. Apparently as well, if you think a test has gone bad, you do just fine. Vice versa obviously applies as well.' Iain told her, throwing more of her old notes onto the fire.

Lily watched as the flames licked the paper and turned it black, into ashes. She watched and relished in the feeling that a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

'I think that's a myth, Iain.' She finally replied, propping herself up by resting her chin on her fist. 'Whether it is or not, you're right. No use thinking of them now.' She threw a whole notepad onto the fire as she said this and watched the writing fade. Iain turned his attention to the fire, which was beginning to smoke.

'Exactly. What's more, even if your dad was still alive, you have done more than enough for that man. More than. I hope you're listening.' He prodded her twice gently, almost to emphasise his point. She just nodded.

'It can be difficult for me to see that when my father was the one pushing me up this pathway. I wouldn't be where I am today without him, so I have him to thank.'

'I know that, but you've got to remember that your happiness matters most now. I say "now", but it has done always. It comes just about above everything else. It's paramount to your wellbeing and even your ability to do what you do, day in, day out. I'll help you, if you let me. And, for what it's worth, I'm proud of you. On a huge scale.' Lily watched him blush as he looked away and smiled slightly now.

'Yeah.' She nodded. 'Yeah. Okay.'

He held his hand out, palm up. She hesitated at first. Happiness is important.

She knew, deep down, she couldn't be any happier elsewhere or with anyone else.

Her hand landed on top of his and she curved her fingers through the gaps, holding tight. He did the same and they sat throwing the last of her work onto the fire. They watched it slowly dwindle and didn't say a word.

 **A/N So, this is the longest chapter yet. I'm thinking of maybe doing about 20 in total, but will see how things go and what my lovely followers think. I had originally written this yesterday, but it somehow deleted accidentally. In its entirety. Imagine. How. I. Felt. Soooo, h** **ad to rewrite obviously but still wanted to do it today, and write it today I have! Hope you enjoyed, please review/PM me any comments or ideas :-)**

 **TheBeautifulNerd: Aww, that's literally so kind. Made my day! Thank you! So nice to hear you're enjoying :-)**


	13. chapter 13

**MrsWhovian: Thank you so much for the lovely comment! Me too! Such a satisfying feeling. I've been burning all my old revision over the past few weeks so that's where the inspo for Lily to do the same came from!**

 **A/N: I've been really busy these past few days and haven't had as much time to update. Trying as much as I can though in between my studies xx**

'Maybe he doesn't want visitors...' Lily twiddled with the zip on her raincoat.

'Nah, nonsense. Alicia messaged you the other day and told you he needed company, right?' Iain reassured.

The pair and Max too stood in the doorway feeling the pouring rain lash down onto them. Max had decided to tag along after overhearing Lily in the staffroom. He wanted an excuse to see Ethan but felt awkward going alone. Lily had begrudged Max's company from the start, even though she knew it would only be for a couple of hours. The more people, the less she got to speak with Ethan. Iain going felt annoying enough, but he'd insisted, and in light of the previous day she felt worse refusing. Company would only have to be endured for a couple of hours. And it was all for Ethan. Ethan.

The weather had been so changeable, but it had decided to be particularly bad. Iain started to think she was right; with every second that passed, he wondered more and more why they were standing dripping wet outside the flat of someone whose brother had recently died. He might not be up to company, and they were getting wetter and colder by the second.

'Should've brought an umbrella.' Lily shivered.

'Yeah. I purposefully left my brolly back at my flat. That was a great judgement call.' He closed his eyes tight, becoming more and more impatient.

Lily knocked again.

'Well, I guess it's windy. Maybe wouldn't have stayed up in the air anyway.' Max added. Both Lily and Iain ignored his remark. The wind blew and they all shivered even more.

'Wonder if Alicia's there?' Iain moved to peek through the glass into the hallway of the flats. He turned round and raised an eyebrow.

'I'll ring her. Hold on.' Lily reached for her phone as Alicia came dashing down the stairs in her dressing gown. She pulled open the door, immediately shooting them with a look of apology.

'Aw, you're soaking, you guys.' She sighed.

'Nah. We've only been out a couple of minutes,' Iain lied. 'We're not intruding are we?'

Alicia looked mortified. 'No, no, it's not that!' She looked down at her dressing gown, flustered, and met their eyes again slightly more embarrassed. 'Come in, anyway.' She ushered them in to the warmth. 'No, honestly. Ethan's in the shower, I let him go first hence the jim-jams. Well. He's probably out by now.'

She gushed meaningless drivel.

'How is he, then?' Max asked.

'He's- coping.' Alicia just nodded.

The three of them walked up the stairs into the flat. Lily noticed at once that all traces of Cal had been tidied up, and it Alicia's items were strewn everywhere. She didn't know whether Ethan liked that - she presumed he'd swap her in a heartbeat for his big brother back. She didn't mention it.

Alicia had made the guests coffee while Ethan got dressed. Ethan then came out to speak with Lily and Iain and Alicia took her cue to go off and get ready, giving him some space.

'Hiya, mate.' Iain said.

Ethan just gave a small smile and sat in the armchair facing the sofa. He maintained his posture and didn't fully relax, almost as if he had somewhere to be.

'How are you doing, Ethan?' Lily looked up to make eye contact with her friend. He just shook his head, tearful.

Lily felt her stomach sink. She empathised so much with him, and seeing him in such a bad place reminded her of how she was in the weeks after her father died. Losing a loved one made you feel empty and it changed you. You were still there, but a bit was missing. Gone.

'I'm... I'm better, Lily. Thank you.' Ethan stuttered, but he fooled none of them. The way he'd stare into the distance let everyone know that he was lost.

'Good.' She just replied. Iain glanced at Lily now, wishing she'd be more conversational and smooth over the atmosphere a bit. He couldn't comfort Ethan because he didn't know him all too well. He was a mate, but not a close one. Lily was one of his good friends - if anyone could get through to him it would be her.

'I-' Lily and Max both opened their mouth to speak at the same time.

'You go.' Max waved a hand.

'No, no.' Lily insisted with a small smile.

Max didn't push further and turned to Ethan. 'Alicia's been staying then?' Max asked.

'Oh. How did you tell?' Ethan replied drily, and they all smiled now, glad of some light relief. Iain looked around, shaking his head. Makeup brushes, magazines, jumpers, hair products, slippers and straighteners cluttered the area of space. Iain thought about Lily in comparison to Alicia. So collected and tidy. Everything girly she owned was stowed away in a basket in the bathroom - he knew because he'd seen. He thought better of mentioning it and embarrassing her. Max's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

'I mean, seriously. How much stuff can one woman clutter the place up with?' Max pulled a compact hairbrush out from behind him on the sofa.

'I can hear you, you know!' Alicia shouted from the bathroom, and Max pulled a face.

'Not being funny, but I wouldn't have heard that. She's in the shower!' Iain exclaimed.

'Alicia hears everything.' Ethan told them.

Max puffed out his cheeks. 'Well, that must keep you distracted. At least.' He said.

Ethan gave a smile, again, looking a little forced. 'How are you all? How's work?'

'Boring, like working in a hospital is.' Max replied.

'I object! Certainly not boring. Busy, like usual. Not getting any quieter. I'm just thankful we don't live in any of the big cities with everything that's happened in the past week.' Lily interlocked her fingers together.

'Yeah, that's true. All services are stretched. You're best out the way, Ethan.' Iain said.

'Sounds like our Holby. We love it all the same.' Ethan said.

'Even so. I'd trade spaces with you any day... You dare say you miss it, Ethan. I'll kill you.' Max shook his head, not realising what he'd just said.

Lily winced and Max visibly gulped. There was an awkward pause. 'It's fine! Really, it's fine. Any more tea, anyone? Tea? Look, there's a pot right here...' Ethan's voice sounded strangled as he attempted to pour more tea into people's cups. He poured some in Lily's half empty cup. She stayed quiet about the fact that she had coffee. Meanwhile, Iain just watched him move about with the tea, anguished. It was quite clear to them all that Ethan was agitated. 'Tea, Max?' Ethan attempted to tip the pot without even listening to Max's response. The lid on the pot was haphazardly balanced though and slid off without him realising. Ethan jumped as the hot liquid splashed onto his fingers.

'Ah...' Ethan shook his hand, drips flying everywhere.

Lily placed her mug on the coffee table and sprung up, immediately guiding him to the kitchen sink. She turned on the tape and clasped his wrist so that his hand was under the cold water. Max and Iain just spun round to watch, helplessly. Lily turned her eyes back on them.

'Towel? Water? Rug?' She hissed, glaring at them before turning back to Ethan.

'Silly me, wasn't looking what I was doing..' Ethan's voice wobbled as he spoke.

'It could have happened to anyone.' Lily responded.

She heard some movement and expected it was the boys cleaning up the carpet. Ethan seemed to hear too. 'Leave that, I'll see to it later.' He told them.

'Leave them to it, they don't mind.' Lily answered for them. Max opened his mouth to speak and Lily quelled him with a glare.

After ten minutes had passed, Lily wrapped a bandage round Ethan's hand from the first aid kit on the kitchen counter. 'It's superficial.' She informed him.

'Lily, I know. I am qualified like you. It was only tea.' He shrugged.

'You need to look after yourself.' Lily replied, unintentionally stern. Ethan just nodded. Alicia soon emerged from the room, looking well-presented in a flowery top and leggings. She'd tied her hair back and put makeup on.

'Alicia...' Lily addressed her first. Alicia met her with a smile.

'I'm.. I think we should be getting off. We only meant to pop in for half an hour or so, anyway.' She said, quietly.

Ethan looked slightly disappointed. Alicia's eyes snapped round to Ethan, almost accusingly, as if she'd expected him to have had an outburst. Ethan tucked his bandaged hand behind his back.

'No, not Ethan's fault at all. We'll come round another day.' She said, faintly.

'You could always stay..' Ethan's voice trailed off.

Iain and Max turned their attention to Lily.

'As I said. Thanks for the drinks. Sorry Alicia. Maybe we could go down to the pub one evening?' Lily attempted to offer.

'Yeah... yeah okay then. No worries.' Alicia said, quietly, trying to work out if the men felt the same way by looking at their faces. They disclosed nothing, though, and seemed to be all too willing to let Lily do the talking for them.

The three said nothing as they walked back to Lily's flat. The rain had subsided completely, except for the occasional droplet that landed in a puddle, creating ripples. Iain saw this as it happened, as he kept his head down for nearly the duration of the walk.

'Poor, poor Ethan.' Max finally commented.

'Yeah.' Lily replied, mind elsewhere.

'You were quick thinking Lily.' Max followed up, trying to get a reaction out of her.

'Basic first aid.' She answered, shortly.

'Trust you to put your foot in it.' Iain commented at last, shaking his head at Max.

'I think it was an accident, Iain.' Lily piped up. Iain wondered why she was defending him all of a sudden, failing to realise that she simply didn't want another argument with or for anyone.

'I feel paaaartly responsible for his hand.' Max screwed up his face in guilt.

'You shouldn't.' Lily said, again.

They all walked side by side, not communicating, all lost in thought. It was hard enough to watch a friend grieve without things happening to them on top. Lily couldn't help but pity Ethan, and wonder if she'd made the right decision in going to visit him. Reminding herself to text him or Alicia later, she pushed it to the back of her mind.


	14. chapter 14

**Apologies for the delay in updates! I've been super busy and didn't want to rush this one. Hope you like, will try to get C15 up before the weekend's through!**

Sunlight streamed through the gaps in the blinds. It was early - 5 - but the birds had woken Iain up. It seemed like a negative outlook on life to have, but the birds annoyed him immensely and was one of the main reasons why he preferred Winter.

He checked his phone. No messages from Lily. He slid his phone back on the bedside table, puffing out his cheeks, trying not to feel disappointed. It was early in the morning, but they hadn't spoken since lunchtime the previous day. Was it a thing to be worried about? They weren't even together. Iain remembered this with a sigh. His eyes wandered up to the ceiling. Yet another day off and nothing to do.

Shortly after ten in the morning, Iain went to the door after hearing the phone ring.

'What?' He said through a mouthful of toast, holding the phone to his ear. He then cringed. It could've been anyone. Postman. Delivery person. Neighbour. He waited with baited breath for the response, hoping it was only Jez or someone that would forget it.

'It's me.'

Iain sighed this time, pressing the button. 'Come up.'

He quickly threw his plate in the sink and shoved tea towels in the drawer, almost trapping his fingers in the process. He kicked his slippers out of view.

She stepped inside the apartment. 'Morning...' He gave her a smile.

She returned the smile, but to a lesser extent than he had. 'I was thinking of visiting Cal's grave today and wondered if you would come along. If you're free.' Lily said.

Iain almost felt the need to laugh, but refrained himself from doing so, as it would've been inappropriate considering the topic. Lily, asking him somewhere? It was a first that she hadn't just gone alone.

'I must say, Lily. It's a classy place for a first date, a graveyard.' Iain smirked. The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

An expression of both confusion and disgust managed to appear on her face.

'Sorry, I shouldn't have said-' He started.

She stopped him with a hand.

'A..ha. Yeah. Least said, soonest mended.' She looked down awkwardly. 'Thought it would be nice to pay respects, anyway, if you're up for it.'

Iain berated himself for his past comment. 'Yeah, yeah it would. That was a stupid comment for me to make before, and really distasteful as well.' He added.

She just shook her head. 'It was... funny.' She told him. He looked at her, doubt in his eyes. She hadn't found it funny and they both knew that - it was in fact an awful attempt to try and make the situation better.

'Right, then. Help yourself to a drink while I get ready. Biscuits are in the top right hand cupboard, second tin up, if you wanted one.' He told her, going off back into his room to change.

Lily just nodded.

They trudged down towards the graveyard, a bouquet of flowers loosely hanging from Lily's grasp.

'Mad, innit?' Iain asked.

'Yeah.' She breathed, still finding it hard to believe their friend was buried in such a place. How he'd gone from one day fine, to the next dead. It didn't make sense.

They got to the stone with Cal's name written on. She gently laid the flowers down as Iain watched on, feeling sad.

'Look who it is, coming to pay her respects. Shame that he'd still be here if my dad hadn't died. Why did my dad die again? Oh, because they were giving her too much attention!' Scott Ellisson stood slightly beyond the headstone, smirking. Tears filled Lily's eyes, and panic constricted her airways. She was face-to-face with a murderer, who also happened to be from a racist, violent and aggressive family. It wasn't good.

Iain scoffed, taking a step forwards to be between Lily and Scott. Lily was silently grateful for the barrier momentarily, but all too quickly became worried for Iain.

'Say that again, go on..' Iain started.

'Iain..' Lily whispered, afraid. She placed a hand on his shoulder, although she wasn't sure why. Maybe to let him know she was there, or maybe in comfort. He gently shifted, intentionally, making her hand slip. Her arms returned to her sides.

Scott narrowed his eyes. 'Ooh, look, lover boy's here to take me on.'

'Iain!' Lily hissed from behind him, tearful now. She didn't dare move - her feet remained planted to the ground, but her stomach lurched all the same. It seemed to be doing somersaults; the threat of danger was massive and it didn't seem like Iain even cared. The wind blew and she shivered even more.

'You stay away...' Iain said.

'Or what, hm?' Scott edged up to him, so they were almost nose to nose.

'I mean it. You leave her alone, you leave Ethan alone, you leave everyone alone. Why are you even here?'

There was a silence for a moment. 'His father...' Lily whispered, stepping in line with him to face Scott by his side. Iain held an arm out across the space though, not letting her get close.

'Right, right.' Iain nodded, anger fading out his voice a bit.

Scott shoved past him and walked across the graveyard, visibly looking for his father's.

Lily bit her lip, not knowing what to say. It seemed as if Iain was lost for words as well.

'To you, Cal. Thank you for saving my life, and for saving Ethan's too. You.. you are a hero. This has really put things into perspective. Rest in peace.' Lily whispered, almost too quietly for Iain to hear.

Iain hated goodbyes. He never really understood why people visited graves anyway. Yeah, it was a way of paying respects, but it was also incredibly morbid and depressing. Why absorb yourself in what's already gone? Why not focus on what's to come? He had always been sceptical on whether there was a life after death or not... there was no hard proof. He visited his grandad's grave with Gem, but that was more for her than for him. He liked to think he was Christian, just in case there was a God out there. He was far from a devout follower though. Death was sad, but it was also inevitable.

His eyes glazed over as he wondered why _doctor_ Lily Chao got all funny when it came to stuff like that. She was determined things had a meaning to them, that everything was caused by something else. He assumed it was partly down to her upbringing, but still, he found it puzzling. She'd studied science for so many years, theories of evolution, yet she was still convinced that there was some greater being responsible for it all. Perhaps the belief that something else is out there is reassuring to those who've loved and lost, Iain thought.

'Penny for your thoughts.' Her voice snapped him out of his trance.

'Oh, no.' He just shook his face. 'Nothing, honestly. Just thinking how sad it is.' He mumbled.

'Yeah. It's sad.' Lily nodded, in agreement with this. 'Cal was your friend, wasn't he? You spent a lot of time together? Especially in the pub, when nobody else would go.'

Iain was a bit taken aback. He hadn't really stopped to consider. Cal was a colleague, really. A mate, yeah. He hadn't let himself go over and over the memories, there wasn't much need. Although it was slightly over a month on from that day, work had been demanding and he'd had his sister and Lily to think about. The tragedy of Cal's death did rock the entire department, and hospital for that matter, but Iain had motored on, often finding himself a rock for other people. He'd sat with various colleagues on many an occasion to have a cup of tea and a chat, or a listen, in his case. Everyone seemed so affected, he hadn't stopped to think about himself.

'Iain..'

He looked up again.

'You're quiet. Is this upsetting you? Maybe we should go.' Lily whispered.

'Yeah, do you mind? Sorry. I.. I've never really understood why people spend so long moping around in graveyards. It's sad, but death's a part of life, and what's more, I-I-'

'Iain, you're rambling. Take a deep breath, and go on.' She instructed, a calm tone to her voice despite the fact it unnerved her a bit. They headed out the gates.

'Cal was a mate, you're right.' Iain exhaled, glancing upwards. 'I've just been sort of, pushing it out. Obviously I cared about him but I've been trying to fix other things, other people-'

'Me.' Lily said.

'Yeah, you,' He sighed. It sounded like a sigh of frustration, but she knew it wasn't meant. 'You. And.. and Gemma. Ethan, even. Robyn. Louise in the staffroom, sometimes. Jez. I can't stand to see people upset or not right. I wasn't that close to him, so it would be selfish of me to be upset. What excuse do I have to even feel anything? Last interaction we had, I spat at him for being too drastic with the strike and for having a go at you.' Iain kicked a stone with his trainer.

'Not so long ago, you told me not to think like that...' Lily said, looking up at him.

He kept his eyes on the ground. 'Yeah, well now I know how easy it is. Guess it makes me a hypocrite.' He replied.

'No..' Lily shook her head. 'It doesn't. You need to focus on yourself.' She told him.

'This sounds a bit too familiar..' He let out a short laugh.

'Well then listen to your own advice. You're no good to anyone when you keep all your thoughts inside your head. We are all allowed to be affected.' She said.

'I know, Lily. I'm not that upset, right? It's just when you asked, I thought about a few good times. That made me a bit sad, that's all.' He said.

She looked at him doubtfully. 'So long as you're sure. I'm here to listen.' She said.

'Yeah, and likewise.' He replied, clearly not wanting to engage in conversation much more.

'Can't believe Scott turned up.' Iain sighed.

'Well, I suppose he was just visiting his father.' Lily replied, uncertain.

'You really do see the good in everyone..' Iain shook his head.

'We still don't know it was him.' She replied.

'What was him?' Iain looked at her.

'Him who hurt Cal.'

'Again. It's pretty obvious, Lily.' Iain frowned, continuing to walk.

'I'm not saying it's not. I am simply playing devil's advocate.' She replied.

'Yeah, whatever. He didn't need to be anywhere near Cal's grave. That creeps me out. He definitely didn't need to try engage you in conversation,' he said, pausing. 'Glad you didn't go alone today though.' He added, not liking to think about how badly things could have gone.

Lily just listened, not really knowing what to say. She hadn't asked Iain to speak for her, or stand in front of her. She felt almost embarrassed that he'd done so, so much so, she didn't thank him. She didn't want to think about it again. They both fell silent.

'Well...' Lily attempted to start conversation up again after noticing the silence, but her voice trailed off, at a loss for words. 'Work tomorrow.' She said, flatly.

'Yeah.' He replied. 'What's your shift?'

'11-7.' She replied. 'Well, seven.' She exaggerated the quotation marks.

'You love staying on.' He replied.

'Hm, I wouldn't say love. Yours?' She asked.

'12-5.' He told her. 'Might get to see me at lunchtime.' He tried a smile now.

'Can't wait.' She replied, no tone to her voice.

'Oi!' Iain looked amused. 'Where's it to be, then? The staffroom?' He asked, half jokey, half serious now.

Lily cottoned on but decided to keep up the act.

'What time?' She played along with him.

'I'd say 12.' He smiled back at her.

'Ooh, 12? Think I'm busy sorting out the files into alphabetical order at that time.' She said, with a smirk.

'Ah, ha ha. You're in the wrong profession, comedy's more your aptitude.'

She just gave a small smile now. 'Yeah. 12.' She said.

Iain's grin grew broader. 'In our lounge area, away from all the gossipers.' He said.

'Okay.' She agreed. 'Lunch, it is.'


	15. chapter 15

**Sally B: Stay tuuuuuned! Promise.**

 **So, planning on doing another 6-8 chapters before I finish this, unless any great inspiration comes to me!**

 **Reviews would be really appreciated from all that are reading/following. What would you like to see? Any ideas? General comments? One-shot or future story ideas? Thank you all :-)**

'So...' Iain peeled the lettuce out of his sandwich as he spoke. He'd bought a meal deal, and the sandwich had bacon, lettuce and tomato in it. Everything had sounded promising except the lettuce. Lily watched as he did this, delicately eating the pasta out the pot she'd bought.

'You don't like lettuce?' She asked.

'Nah, it's rabbit food.' He responded, scrunching up his face and pushing the napkin with it inside to the end of the table.

'It's good for you! It's tasteless, how can you possibly say you dislike it?'

'Exactly, it's tasteless. Can't be any nutrition in it, if it's got no flavour.' He replied, taking a bite now.

She just shook her head at his logic.

'Anyway, what I was gonna ask is, how's your morning gone so far?' He looked at her.

'Good,' She nodded. 'And yours?'

'Eh. So-so. I've not properly started - the day only really begins after lunch, doesn't it?' He sighed.

'What did you do before you came in?' She asked, spooning more pasta to her mouth.

'Slept.' He replied.

'Until 11?' She replied, confused expression.

'Well. Twenty to.' He shrugged.

'So, practically eleven? You must have stayed up late. Or early.' She raised an eyebrow.

'Don't you worry. I was in bed by 12, max.' He told her.

'I am a mixture of outraged and envious! What does it even feel like to sleep?' She said, and Iain noticed the familiar look of tiredness in her eyes.

'Lily, you've got to.' He told her.

'And I do, only for like, 5 hours at a time.' She replied. Iain just shook his head, munching on the bread.

She lifted the bottle of water Iain had given her and took a swig, finding she was surprisingly thirsty. Small talk wasn't her thing as such, but she enjoyed the interaction all the same. It was nice and easy to meet with Iain for lunch, and besides, she was grateful for the company. Most of her lunch breaks were spent cooped up in an office - if she was lucky -

or worse, she'd not even get a lunch break. Being a doctor meant sacrifice of a lot things, and often breaks too. Admittedly, she could just go off and take half an hour, but not without things playing on her mind. It didn't work like that. It was so complex and unpredictable of a profession, that anything could arise. Contractually, you're given twenty minutes every four hours including half an hour around the hours of 11-1. In practice, nobody can predict if a patient will deteriorate, or if there's a relative in need of comfort. Urgent referrals to make. Phone calls to have. Prescriptions to pass on. Someone to advise. Someone's heart stopping.

She'd been given the break by Connie, who waved her off and insisted that things were under control. Being the person she was, Lily had tried to stay. Things could be okay one minute, and an RTC could come in the next. You just never knew. That was the catch to emergency medicine. The... beauty to it. Lily always felt slightly odd at the use of the word 'beauty', though she used it anyway when justifying to others her choice of specialism. Perhaps it was distasteful to say the good aspects of her job were the dramatic ones - it wasn't a game, it was people's lives. Connie and Elle had both insisted she had lunch, so she decided to go. She'd promised Iain the day before anyway, and letting him down wouldn't have made her feel too good. The team could hold the fort for half an hour. Lunch was allowed. She knew this, really, deep down. It just didn't always feel... right... leaving the time when they were busy.

'Where's Jez?' Lily asked, all aware she'd been completely absorbed in her own thoughts a while.

'Don't know. I told him to clear off. Not... not because he has to, or anything like that. You know Jez. He would've been a pain.' Iain told her, screwing up his wrapper and throwing it in the bin now.

'When is he back?' Lily asked.

'I don't know, to be truthful. Ten minutes or so, maybe?' Iain asked.

Lily felt a bit disappointed. 'Do you have a call then?'

'I expect so...' He replied, nodding, as if she was asking the most obvious questions. 'Why all the questions, anyway? Feel as if I'm being interrogated!' He said.

Lily was quick to apologise. 'Sorry. I didn't mean to, I was just wondering if-'

Iain just gave her a smile. 'It's fine. It's fine. Look, I know we didn't get to chat about much, but it's nice to see you all the same, yeah?' He smiled again, more softly this time.

'And you. Listen.. I've been thinking about this a while. Want to come round to mine on Wednesday?' She asked.

'Yeah, sure. What time? And why?' He looked a bit surprised.

'Now who's asking the questions?' She gave a small yet uncertain smile. '6ish? I could get wine. I don't know why. The same reason you wanted to meet for lunch today, whatever that may be..' She said, shyly.

Iain just lifted his head, realising. He brought it back down with a nod. 'Yeah. You're on. We're like ships that pass, at the moment. Always seem to be missing one another.' He said. 'As in, not catching each other quite.' He added quickly, not wanting her to interpret the use of the word "missing" differently to how he'd intended it.

She widened her eyes, a knowing look on her face. The atmosphere quickly shifted and they both picked up on the tension. She just nodded lightly. 'Ships that pass.' She whispered. They didn't notice straightaway that Jez and another paramedic entered through the door a few metres behind where they were sitting.

After being summoned by Connie not long after lunch, Lily found herself in the office. It was poky yet familiar, but reserved strictly for formal occasions or for times when you were in trouble. She didn't hang out there every day, and it certainly didn't put her at ease, despite being on pleasant terms with Mrs Beauchamp herself.

'Ah. Lily.' Mrs Beauchamp said, no inflection to her tone. Lily felt as if she'd been summoned to the headmaster's office, and had a weird sense of deja vu. She remembered back to the time when she was in middle school. She was 10, maybe 11. She and two other girls whom she no longer had any contact with had been told off for picking the pretty yellow flowers on the school fields. They were old enough to know better, and they'd picked an awful lot. Despite the fact it was only minor, and that Lily had experienced far bigger things, it seemed like a massive issue at the time. She didn't even see the wrongdoing - her (then) friends had led her to do so. They were pretty flowers, anyway. She still managed to sneak some home, but they'd wilted in her school satchel in the heat. When she showed her mother, she had shaken her head at her young daughter. Her father snatched them out of her hand and threw them straight in the dustbin outside. He had muttered 'stupid girl,' under his breath. She heard a lot worse coming from him when the headmaster rung home to tell Lily's parents of her behaviour.

She'd only tried to do what she thought was a nice thing. Back then, she thought that flowers were a nice gesture for someone you loved. Many a time, Lily watched her father buy bouquets for his wife. They always made her mother happy, and she marvelled at them each time. Lily noticed how flowers made pain go away, and how they fixed everything. Her naïve mentality was that, you could do anything to a person so long as you made up for it afterwards. Her father was materialistic as well as violent. She learnt to base her perspective from the examples he set.

As she grew and left home, she begun to realise how wrong this was. How her father had only spent so many of his earnings on flowers because of guilt after he'd lashed out. Her perception had been undoubtedly tainted due to her young age. The older she grew, the more daffodils made her stomach churn.

Sitting in a room with the only company being a figure of authority didn't exactly ease her memories or concerns. She managed to bury the nagging childhood memory by telling herself this was not school, this was work. Connie probably had something minor to tell her, like a timetable change. She breathed. Not school. Not in trouble. It did still feel like it though, a part of her knew sitting in an office probably always would.

'Only short and sweet. Your exam results are in. Whilst they're confidential at the moment, I am very pleased. That's all I can say. Just thought you might like to know.' Connie smiled, watching the young doctor's reaction.

Lily smiled back. She was confused, at first. Where was the feeling of relief she'd yearned to have? She felt a funny mixture of feelings.

'Thanks.' She nodded. 'When I receive them in full?'

'Probably next week at some point. Although I don't know. You know what the general medical council are like for their breach of private information.' Connie rolled her eyes.

'Okay. Thanks for letting me know.' Lily got up to leave.

'More than welcome. Should you need me, you know where I am.' Connie told her.

Lily just gave a quick, small smile and left.

She breathed in, then out. All alone in the corridor of the hospital she knew so well. She imagined what it would be like to be a consultant. Exhaling, she took out her phone from her coat pocket, sliding it open and hurriedly typing out a text message.

'Are you free tomorrow instead? Same time. Something has come up - we need to talk x'

It sent.


	16. chapter 16

A wine glass was balanced precariously in between Lily's knees - she loosely clasped the stem. Iain was sitting beside her on the sofa. Not close enough to call them a couple, not far away enough to label them 'nothing'.

Lily sighed, looked at Iain, and begun to talk.

'Iain... I went to see Mrs Beauchamp yesterday,' Lily begun.

'Oh yeah? And?' He looked at her.

She breathed in, shakily.

'She told me my test results are positive, but she can't say any more than that for confidentiality reasons.'

'Good! You see! I knew you'd have done more than fine.' He smiled, trying to work out her reaction as he sipped from the glass he held.

'That's just the thing...' Lily started. How could she put it in a nice way? How could she even begin to explain at all? Iain had been so good to her. She glanced over at him again. He was looking at the floor, neutral expression on his face. He always listened. He cared. And, he was sweet.

Did she love him? She didn't know. Could she love him? That was another question.

The speech about how important being a consultant was completely slipped her memory. She opened her mouth, but she couldn't push the words out. It was like her brain was telling her to do one thing, while everything else was fighting against it.

'I guess what I'm trying to say is...' She started again, yet faltered.

'Come on. Spit it out.' He said, a smile appearing on his face.

Lily just looked at him in the eyes. He shuffled, uncomfortable now, picking up on the vibe that something was wrong.

'Trying to say is that...' She said again.

Iain held his breath.

'None of it even matters.' Lily looked down. Iain dared to exhale, relief washing over him. The relief was short lived, as he soon felt nothing but confusion.

'What do you mean, none of it matters?' He asked her.

'I mean that I don't care about it. It's not everything.' She said, quietly.

Iain furrowed his eyebrows now. It was weird and unlike her to completely change her mind.

'You've changed your tune, this is a far cry from how you were.. not even a week ago!' He exclaimed.

'I know, I know-' She looked pained.

Things clicked in his mind. 'Lily...' He begun. She looked up at him, struggling to meet his eyes now. She chose to take another big gulp of wine, hardly even wincing when it went down, despite its awful taste. It burnt her throat, and an unpleasant bitterness filled her mouth. She didn't care. It made her decision feel easier.

'I don't want to make things difficult for you.' He told her, quietly.

She just nodded. Things were difficult and they weren't on the same page. The final straw was when Iain was there for her in her moment of desperation and need. He saw her at her weakest and he made it all go away. Surely that was worth more than any job or qualification?

'You... you wouldn't be. You don't deserve to be holding on, blindly, waiting for someone who's in avid pursuit of some childlike fantasy of a career.' Lily replied.

Iain just shook his head, struggling to take it in.

'Well, maybe you're right. But don't come down on yourself about your goals and aspirations - they make you, you. Making you choose wouldn't be fair of me.' Iain told her, palms upwards while he reasoned.

Lily just shook her head. He was so rational and level-headed. Always considering her. It was more than fair.

'But I have made my choice.' Lily decided to reply with. It wasn't as long-winded as Iain's response, but it expressed the point she wanted to share.

'Iain... people come into your life, and it changes things.' She chose her words carefully, fingers clutching the glass more tightly than a few minutes before. 'Of course, being a consultant would be amazing. But, it's not... well, it's not everything.' She gave a nod as she said this.

'It's all you've ever wanted, Lily. Don't deny yourself the opportunity.' Iain said, quietly.

'Maybe I didn't always know what I wanted.' Lily chewed her lip now.

It would have been an appropriate time to move closer, for him to smile, for them to kiss. They instead sat there in an awful state of quiet - Lily didn't know how it could have been the quietest yet loudest silence she'd ever experienced.

'Iain, I-' Lily looked troubled.

He just shook his head once.

'I'm in a predicament now, Lily. You love studying. I can't be selfish.' He told her.

Part of Iain believed what he was saying, but another part of him felt as if words kept tumbling out his mouth, some untrue, just because he wanted to hear her say it. He wanted to hear, 'I want you'. The message being implicit didn't feel enough, even though he knew it was underlying and the point that she was trying to make.

'You... have been far from selfish.' Lily's eyes seemed to soften as she said this, pitiful to a certain degree. She couldn't begin to imagine giving 100% of yourself to a person for them to only be giving a half-hearted 10% back.

The fact that he seemed to be overlooking everything he'd done made her chest ache more - she had the burning urge to tell him everything, how much he meant to her, how much she cared. To say anything to him, just to get that flicker of recognition light up on his face. Anything to make him understand that in fact, she felt the exact same way as he did. She looked at him again, and he looked up at the same time. Tears sprung into her eyes, blurring her vision.

'But Lily..' Iain gave a short laugh in exasperation. His facial expression soon turned back to upset. 'Look at you. You're hurting. You're torn. You're not ready for anything serious, yet you clearly feel obliged..' His voice trailed off.

Lily began to cry then, whimpers that turned into big sobs. The sound of her own cries scared her.

Iain watched as she broke down, feeling close to despair himself. Experience and insight to the situation told him that comforting her would only aggravate things further. He was powerless to do anything except sit and watch. He didn't even know what caused the outburst specifically - then he remembered about the wine. Experience, again, had taught him that Lily didn't have a high alcohol tolerance. She didn't drink routinely.

He prised the glass off her with a whisper of 'enough wine', and placed it on the table. She continued to cry, hiccuping through the sobs.

What wasn't outwardly expressed by Lily for quite some time was that she only got distressed because words failed her in the moment. She had become so overwhelmed by things, and the fact Iain wasn't on the same page as she had been was certainly not helping things further.

Iain had brought her a blanket and a makeup wipe. He'd offered to leave, but she just shook her head. A non-committal response - he had decided to stay. The hopes of a nice evening had been well and truly dampened. As far as Iain was concerned, she was upset because she was in two minds. As far as Lily was concerned, she was upset because he thought she didn't reciprocate his feelings.

An hour had passed and Lily turned to Iain again, skin slightly blotchy and eyes still puffy.

'Iain. I was upset because I do feel the same way.' She told him, sniffing.

'You don't have to say that...' He sighed, guilt visible on his face. Lily saw it, and wondered why. He had nothing to show any remorse for. He'd given her love and support and now he was feeling bad. It didn't make sense.

'I'm not just saying it. I... I don't know how to tell you what I want to say.' She looked defeated.

Iain just sat there, not taking the lead this time. A surge of bravery washed over her. If she didn't say anything now, she never would. She wasn't very good at listening to her gut. Her intuition was spot on, but acting on it was a different story. She shuffled along the sofa. He looked confused. 'When I was in medical school, one of my professors once told me that actions speak louder than words.' She whispered, tears filling her eyes again. She didn't know if they were with happiness, sadness, or perhaps a mixture of both.

Iain didn't have time to react before her lips were on his. She could almost taste his surprise, but he only took a couple of seconds to respond. He returned the kiss, nearly as powerfully, before gently leaning back. Lily managed a chuckle, surprised at her own actions.

'Is this the alcohol?' His voice was husky.

'No! No, it is not.' She shook her head, incredulous at the suggestion.

'Well then what is it? You've got those tell-tale pink cheeks...' He smiled.

'And so have you. You didn't drink all that much, did you? Wonder why yours are so bright...' She retorted. He just shook his head, laughing lightly. Feeling awkward herself but not wanting the flirting to stop, Lily continued. 'Blushing like a schoolboy. I would never have-' Her eyes shined as she said this, but soon Iain started to kiss her again and it stopped.

'Aha! That shuts you up!' He raised his eyebrows as he pulled away for air. 'You know what, might have to try it more often when you're giving me grief. Though, not too sure what they'd think at work.' Knowing he'd provoke a reaction by this, he quickly moved his lips back onto hers, before she had a chance to respond. She laughed through the entirety of the kiss, overtired, but too exhilarated to care about anything or anyone other than the man sitting at her side. Iain felt tired from putting in all the hard work - he was leading it, and she was becoming too silly to even respond properly. He didn't care. She was literally laughing into him, and she needed to laugh more.

'Did I say what I wanted to? I'm not the sort of woman who particularly likes flings.' Lily added.

'I've got your measure by this point, Chuckles.' He told her, radiating warmth in his tone and gentle smile.

'Good.' She smiled, pausing for a moment.

'Did I tell you... enough?' She asked, eyes imploring.

'Ahh...' Realisation took hold of Iain, almost too quickly. Never had he ever imagined the day that Lily would be coming on to him. It felt weird. In fact, he quite enjoyed it. The wine had no doubt given her bravery, but he was far from complaining. He looked back at her.

'Well, that depends entirely on how you measure enough...'

'You know me, as you say. I'm a... thorough person. I like to make sure.' Lily nodded, sounding serious momentarily.

'And, I'm reckless, I like to take risks,' He moved his lips to the corner of her mouth, almost as if seeking permission. She responded almost straight away this time. 'This is a bit of a risk, I suppose.' He glanced at her.

'Oh, but one that's worth taking.' She whispered back.

They soon lost track of time. Time didn't matter.

 **Ahh, I loved writing this one. Let me know what you think :-)**


	17. chapter 17

**heather.curtis-rich: Thank you!! Stay tuned, definitely more to come :-)**

 **TheBeautifulNerd: Aw thanks so much! Will be updating a bit this weekend.**

 **Bonnie Sveen Fan: Glad you're enjoying, even though they're not your favourite pairing! Means a lot x**

 **MrsWhovian: Yaaas! I was determined to write that chapter before this week's ep - which I am really looking forward to by the way!**

 **Bella: Haha, very true. Thanks for reviewing, hope you like this one x**

When Lily awoke, she didn't open her eyes. She focused on her breathing, in and out, in and out. Memories of the night before - and embarrassingly enough, the morning - resurfaced in her mind. She pushed them out as soon as they creeped in. Sensing she was alone, she got out of bed and went through to the kitchen.

'Morning...' Iain spun round from the pan with a smile.

'Oh, no...' Lily smacked a hand over her face, still smiling. Iain just raised an eyebrow at her. 'The cliché is real...' She winced, peering over his shoulder to see the eggs boiling in the pan.

'Thought I'd cook something nice.' He replied, simply. Lily couldn't help but smile again, pulling on her fluffy dressing gown to tighten it.

'Hm. The use of the word nice is debatable.' She raised an eyebrow.

'Oi, cheeky.' Iain spun round, outstretching an arm. When she didn't react straight away, he looked back at the pan, quickly dropping his arm. 'Sorry. Too soon?'

Lily just gave a shake of the head and moved to be by his side, shuffling closer.

'Not like you to get all cuddly...' He said, as he stirred the pan.

'I just can't believe you're cooking breakfast. It's.. so sweet!' She said.

'I am a man of many talents.' He replied, glancing at her. Her smile made him smile, whether he wanted to or not.

'Again.. debatable.' She said.

'Do I have to shut you up again?' Iain asked. Lily giggled, and he moved to kiss her. She didn't resist and let him kiss her, feeling the warmth spread from her lips to the rest of her body. A warmth she hadn't felt before. A warmth she knew she'd never fully get out of a career status, and this alone reminded her she'd made the right decision. Iain gently pulled away, sensing she was elsewhere in her mind.

'What you thinking?' He asked, as he turned the pan off. Lily just stood, thoughtfully. She realised she'd not replied and shook her head quickly, as if to wake herself up.

'Oh. Nothing. I'm just happy.' She looked at him, smiling.

'Good. Good, I'm glad you are Lily. You deserve to be.' He nodded, as he put food on the two plates on the side.

It had only taken them fifteen or so minutes to polish it off. 'You're not that bad a cook.' Lily said, all smiles again.

'I told you, didn't I? Is that you admitting I'm right? Oh, I might faint.' He feigned feeling dizzy, putting a hand to his head.

Lily shot him a mock scornful look.

'Oh yes. You look very ill, Iain. Very ill. Suffering from a case of boastfulknowitall-itis.'

Iain smirked now. 'And what's the treatment for that, doctor?' He asked.

'Well, luckily, it causes no life threatening symptoms in the individual, just a very big head. This naturally makes them more susceptible to harm and injury, because the unfortunate people who spend time in their company have to endure all the comments - they eventually they grow tired of it. It is only curable by exposing oneself to others who are humble.' Lily rambled on, beginning to enjoy herself. Medical terms and language fell from her tongue, even when it was made up. Iain was sitting, nodding. He'd obviously cottoned on but was going along with her. She managed to even make fake illnesses sound real, yet she was letting her guard down and having a laugh too. It was a lovely side to her that Iain knew she didn't show to just anyone.

'I guess that means I've got to spend more time round you then? Since you're so humble, obviously you could teach me a thing or two.' Iain raised an eyebrow, with a smile.

'I pride myself on it, actually. Remember what I've told you, spending time around others could put you more at risk to injury... I can't say what I might do if you annoy me too much,' She warned. 'I don't even know myself.'

Iain just gave a chuckle. He was slightly confused with what was going on, and he imagined so was she. It was pointless chatter that almost felt like banter with a bit of flirting mixed in. It definitely felt suggestive to a point. He just shook his head, looking back up at her. 'I'll take the risk. You're not gonna injure me, Lily. Even if I do have a big opinion of myself and my abilities.' He smiled.

'Hm. You are a good cook, there's no denying that. I'm not telling you too much though. You've had enough strokes to the ego.' She told him. He just rolled his eyes in response. 'Anyway, thanks... for breakfast.' She smiled, and leaned in to kiss him. Iain leaned in at the same time and they kissed with more force than intended.

'Oops...' Lily made eye contact with Iain.

'Well, I wouldn't be complaining if we were to have a round two.' He said.

'It would be like, round 7.' Lily said.

Iain was amused that she'd felt the need to correct him and so replied. 'I didn't think you'd been counting, but alright.' He nodded. He got the reaction he'd hoped for, because sure enough, Lily's cheeks tinged pink.

'I wasn't counting, I just mean it has been more than two.' She said.

'And, you objecting to that?' He checked.

She shook her head. 'That's not what I said.'

'Aha, right then. How long you got?' Iain asked, closing in on her. She became all too aware of the proximity between them both, and quickly looked up at the clock. 'Call it, twenty minutes.' She said, with a smile.

'That's plenty time.' Iain replied, and kissed her again.

Lily lost track of the amount of times Iain's lips had been on hers in the space of 24 hours. She only could come to the conclusion that in the space of one day, they were making up for nearly a year's angst and uncertainty. She didn't mind. It was an alien experience to her, but nice all the same. She'd felt slightly guilty having to dash off to work, after catching sight of two coffee cups, two plates, two sets of cutlery on the side. She knew he would clear away before he left to work. A part of her wished he'd leave it - he'd done enough, and Lily liked cleaning anyway. It was satisfying to scrub the dirt off things and place them in their rightful places. She knew that, for just once, she might have to let him do it for her. On her way out, she'd left a key on the side for him to lock up with. It was one of the spares. She hoped, deep down, he'd keep it after leaving.


	18. chapter 18

'So, Gemma. As promised. One of your many days out.' Iain breathed, as he drove along, eyes on the road. 'Where's it to be?'

Gem tapped her fingers on the top of the rolled down window.

'I quite fancy the beach.' She glanced at her brother, who was wearing a pale blue shirt. Gem thought how Iain always acted as if it was much warmer than the actual temperature, ever since he was young. It could've been barely sixteen degrees and he'd have been in the garden, laid on a towel, can of coke (or later, a beer) in hand.

'Oh yeah? That'd be nice, and it's only a ten minute drive from here. Last time we went, you went on a donkey. Remember?' Iain asked her.

'Yeah, vaguely. I like donkeys, they're proper cute.' Gem commented.

'That can't be said for all donkeys.' Lily muttered from the back seat, smirking as Iain glared at her through the rear-view mirror.

Gem just smiled, as if she knew a secret.

'I'm glad you came with us, Lily. Sorry that you're in the back.' Gem said, turning over her shoulder to give her a smile. Lily smiled back.

'I'm glad too. As for the back seat, well... I offered, didn't I?' She adjusted her sunglasses on the top of her head. She'd wanted the siblings to spend some time next to one another, after all, it was Gem's day out. Despite the fact she was the one run over, Lily couldn't help but feel guilty that Gem was confined. It was her own decision to hand herself in, and it was something Lily felt a sheepish kind of admiration for. It was selfless of Gem, and she recognised that and loved her a little bit more for it.

'Right then...' Iain pulled into a little car park by the harbour. 'Won't be two ticks, ladies.' He said, as he unclipped his seatbelt and slipped out the car, coins in hand.

Both Lily and Gem watched as he made his way to the ticket machine.

'Something happened between you two?' Gem asked, finally. Lily just rolled her eyes and gave a sigh. She just looked at Gem, and then looked back at Iain, who was frowning at his ticket as he walked back to the car. Gem's smile just widened, taking no answer as a good answer. Iain swung open the door and slid the ticket on the dashboard, while Lily and Gem simultaneously undid their seat-belts. The noise of seagulls became deafening, and Gem winced. 'Did you have to park here Iain?' She asked.

'We're at the beach. Stop complaining.' He answered shortly.

'Just saying.' Gem huffed, and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her hoodie.

'You must be roasting...' Iain inspected his sister, looking her up and down. 'Lily will put that in her bag if you want?' Iain turned to Lily, who gave a nod in agreement. Gem just shook her head.

'Won't catch me taking this off.' She told them, walking at the side of Lily. Iain looked up at the sky. One little cloud broke up a vast stretch of deep blue. 'I'm gonna be a right third wheel.' Gem mumbled, and Lily cast her eyes to the floor.

'Don't be stupid. I hate that expression, anyway.' Lily told her.

'But I will! You're all loved up, the pair of you!' Gem hissed.

Iain turned round now. 'For the love of god. I can't hear what it is you're saying Gemma, but be quiet. All I can hear is whine whine whine.' Iain pulled a face, jokingly.

'Shut up, bro.' Gem replied, almost defensively. They all walked down the ramp to the beach. It was sandy and the handrail was partly broken. Iain stuck an arm out, mindful of Lily and the shoes she'd put on. Wedge heels. Not exactly the best option for the beach.

'I can manage.' Lily nodded.

'Yeah, heard that one before- hey, steady, steady.' His eyes grew wide as she lost her footing momentarily. Gem was already on the sand, kicking her trainers off and running towards the sea.

'Ah, she looks to be having fun.' Lily commented, as she and Iain made baby steps down the ramp, her arm linked tightly in Iain's as he wasn't taking no for an answer.

'Yeah, just like a little kid. Only ten times the hassle.' Iain watched on.

'No, I'm glad she's having a good time.' Lily nodded.

'Mm. Me too.' They both stepped onto the sand, and Lily's left foot sunk immediately. 'Take them shoes off. Not only must they be killing, but you're not gonna keep your balance.' He told her. She glanced down at her feet and gave a nod, so using the wall and Iain for support, she managed to slide them off. She wriggled her bare feet in the sand, feeling the grains as they crept between the gaps in her toes.

Iain joined her, taking off his trainers. Lily bent to neatly line up the three pairs of shoes, and Lily laid out the blanket from under her arm, dropping her handbag on it.

'Last to the sea?' Iain asked.

'Leave your phone in my bag then.' Lily replied. Iain looked to see if anyone was around. Upon observing they were pretty much alone, apart from the odd father and pushchair or a dog walker here and there,

he obliged.

'I'll win.' Lily set off running. Iain was taken by surprise at first. It wasn't a very Lily thing to do. She was surprising him lately; it was almost as if she'd discovered a new side to herself.

'I'm not giving you any sort of advantage, I hope you know.' He replied.

The sand felt warm underneath their feet as they dodged rocks and shells and ran to the water. Gem had rolled her leggings up and was into the sea up to her knees, standing in the outwards direction and face to the sun. Gem became less and less tiny the faster they ran.

Lily stopped when she reached the sea, letting the water lap over her toes, washing all the sand away. It was clear and blue and beautiful, just how she always imagined beaches to be. She was taking in the sight when she felt water splash against her hip and thigh. She squealed and turned round in shock, but the tide was quite gentle. She spun round to be met with Iain, who was smiling and smiling.

'Iain! That's not funny...' She whined.

'But you smiled though.' He answered, squinting in the sun.

'It was the shock.' She said back, trying to suppress another smile. 'Now I'm all cold and wet...' She shivered.

'Aww, diddums.' Iain looked at her, mock pity plastered over his face. Lily breathed in and kicked water back, as hard as she could. Iain gasped, surprised at how much water she'd managed to kick up. His hair was dripping, as was his clothing.

'You'll pay for that later, you will.' Iain strode through the water, taking the several steps over to her.

'Shut up! That is you paying for what you did to me.' She told him.

'Was it proportional to the force I used, Lily? Oh wait.' He widened his eyes at her. She went to move her foot upwards again, while Iain grabbed hold of her arms.

'It's lucky I kick with my legs-' Lily started, before Iain stepped his leg through one of hers, preventing her from moving it upwards. She nearly stumbled, but Iain kept a hold of her by the material on the shoulder of her top. She laughed lightly all the same, and Iain pressed his lips to hers. She kissed him, he kissed her, and the sun seemed to beat down even stronger.

They pulled apart. 'You're all salty.' Lily pulled a face.

'Wonder why that is?' He asked her. She just smiled again, even wider this time. She went on to tiptoes, peering over Iain's shoulder. Gem, sure enough, was still in the water. She hadn't even given them a backward glance, or acknowledged they were nearby.

'One more.' Lily whispered.

'What?' Iain asked.

'One..' Lily's voice didn't even come out properly, yet she tapped her lip with a finger and Iain got the message. He nodded, and kissed her again. The kiss seemed less powerful, almost as if their minds were on other things.

'Right.' Iain broke apart after a couple of seconds, holding her by the shoulders.

'Gem's day.' Lily nodded, before looking over. Gem glanced at her now. Lily wondered for a moment if she'd seen, but then knew it didn't matter if she had. Not really, anyway. 'Gem! I've had an idea!' Lily shouted, almost with the excitement of a child. Iain broke into a smile behind Lily. He felt almost as if Gem was Lily's sister too. She certainly had a knack of interacting with her.

Lily spun round to look at Iain. 'What are you smiling at?' She asked.

'Nothing.' He told her. How was he meant to tell her that he loved how she was with his little sister? He'd already used all the words for that. Some things didn't need saying.

'Come on, Gem!' Lily almost nagged now, standing limply on the edge of the sea. Gem was over within a couple of minutes. 'What?' She asked.

Lily leaned over and whispered in Gem's ear, while Iain tried to listen in.

'Okay, so I heard brother and sand. This isn't going to go well for me, is it?' He asked, looking at the sand.

'Come on! Iain, it'd be a right laugh!' Gem pleaded.

'I've not got the right clothes or anything. He looked at his sister, the apology in his eyes.

'And? Don't be a spoilsport. You used to be fun.' Gem whinged now.

'Yeah, come on..' Lily said, softly, arms folded and smiling.

'Don't you as well.' Iain shook his head, looking genuinely agonised.

They walked back to the little base they'd marked, Iain's face torn all the way. 'Sit down.' Lily commanded. Iain found himself crouched on the sand. Gem gave him a knock with her foot and he fell down to sitting. 'Gem. There's a bucket over there.' Lily pointed. 'I'll get the water.'

Gem quickly ran off, almost as if she knew she had to be quick to stop her brother changing his mind.

'You, begging me to do that. Can't believe I even listened.' Iain shook his head. 'Lost all self-control.'

Lily just smiled, smugly. 'I tend to have that effect.'

Iain just raised an eyebrow as his sister ran back over. Lily took the bucket by its handle and went off to get the water, and was soon back, carrying it carefully as to not slosh it over the sand. In a weird way, she enjoyed it. It was fun to act like a child again. She'd never been able to do that with her dad, yet she'd always longed to play about in the sand after hearing many a tale from her school friends.

Gem started to pour sand onto Iain's chest. Iain winced as it scratched his skin.

'Not like that, Gem. Look. Watch and learn.' Lily began at Iain's arm, patting sand down evenly and holding it in place with a splash of water from the bucket.

Within a matter of minutes, Iain was completely buried apart from his face and neck. Gem had tried to put the sand on his neck too, but Lily had just shaken her head. 'You okay?' Gem asked him. He just glared at her. Lily laughed now. 'Remind me why this is meant to be a nice day. Day well spent, oh yeah. Start out as a chauffeur, get insulted about my choice of outfit, get pestered by my sister, get drenched by the sea and then get buried by my sister and my-' Iain stopped, clamping his lips together. Gem looked from Iain to Lily, awkwardly. Lily just moved her eyes to the floor. They'd all winced the moment they heard the second 'my'. His... what? Lily held her breath.

As she kept her eyes so fixed on the sand, she hadn't noticed Iain's were on hers, trying to seek approval for him to say it. To say, 'my girlfriend'. Instead, no one breathed a word. Iain kicked himself for not considering his words.

Gem decided to break up the apparent silence by pouring sand over Iain's hair. He just shook it off. 'Yeah, thanks Gemma. That'll wash out well.' He said.

'Sand exfoliates, doesn't it?' Gem asked.

'Yes, but not my scalp. Cheers, though.' He just gave a sigh. When he saw Gem running the sand through her fingers, he just smiled. 'You enjoying today?' He asked her.

'Yeah. Thanks, again. Both of you.' Gem smiled.

She'd involuntarily addressed Lily, and it became her turn to respond. 'It's lovely, Gem. Listen. Lunch is on me. I don't know where we could go, but I heard there's a lovely pub not too far away.'

Gem and Iain looked at one another, then nodded.

'You sure?' Iain asked.

'Yeah.' Lily replied, still not making firm eye contact with him.

'Good. Well, I'm starving. Wanna go now?' Gem said, addressing the pair of them.

'Sure.' Lily agreed, shooting Iain a small smile, and Gem reached for their shoes.


	19. chapter 19

**TheBeautifulNerd: Thank ya! Me too. Hope the character Gem makes a return some point in the near future - they've left it open for her so hopefully she will. Glad you're liking it following :-)**

 ** _A/N Sooo guys, this is my latest instalment_** ** _. I'm not too thrilled with it if I'm honest. Haven't been feeling very creative but I've just done what came to me... opinions either way would be gladly received as usual. Also, coming to the end of this story very very soon! 3-5 chapters or so left. I want to write more, be it one shots or stories! Does anyone have any ideas? Thank you lovelies!_**

Everything was still and quiet, except for the hum of the fridge and boiler in the kitchen. Lily had emerged from the shower to find Iain, leaning against the wall on his phone. He'd insisted that she had the first shower because he knew he'd leave it sandy. He'd gone in after her, leaving her sitting on the sofa in the living room. She scrolled through her phone, looking at photos from the day. It had been a good day - the best in a while. She'd even been sad to say bye to Gem at the end of it. She was rudely snapped out of her thoughts by Iain's voice.

'Lily...' He called, from the shower.

'Yes?' She replied, hesitation in her voice, instantly thinking it was weird for him to shout her from the bathroom. The water turned off. A few seconds passed.

'You don't know how to get sand out of your hair do you, by any chance?' He asked, voice faltering.

'You'll need help.' She replied.

'I'm decent.. I have a towel round me, I mean.' He said back to her.

Lily gave a steady sigh at his comment; she didn't understand why he felt the need to add that on. 'I'm coming.' She put her phone on the side and stood up, not holding back a sigh. She grabbed her baby powder off the side and entered the bathroom, slowly bending the handle down.

Iain looked round quickly, almost as if he wasn't expecting her. Lily felt awkward and shy all of a sudden, but was comforted at once by his smile. His hair stuck up in tufts, some plastered to his forehead. The bathroom was uncomfortably steamy - she noticed the condensation on the mirror and took it that he'd already been in the shower.

'Here she is, here to sort me out.' Iain smiled.

Lily just raised an eyebrow, and twisted the baby powder open. A cloud burst out into the air. Iain suppressed a chuckle, knowing that it would wind her up. Lily seemed to ignore the white stain on her black vest top and focused on the task at hand, pouring copious amounts onto his head.

'Whoa whoa whoa wait a minute... what are you doing?' Iain sounded alarmed as he saw his reflection in the mirror. 'Added fifty years on to me, Lily.' He gave a laugh, but he was startled all the same.

When Lily looked up, a smile flickered on her face. It was true, his hair was completely white. If she hadn't felt so tense, she'd have laughed out loud - it was a comical sight.

'You've got... to trust... me.' Lily replied, as she picked up the comb and begun to comb it out, speaking slowly and purposefully, as if she was concentrated on a genuinely difficult task.

'My sister... She'd laugh so hard at this.' Iain shook his head, exasperated.

'It will be out in no time.' Lily informed him.

'So, am I supposed to sit here like a lemon then while it magically rises to the top of my head, grain by grain?' Iain asked, sarcastic tone obvious. She giggled, in spite of herself.

'No, I'm leaving it for two minutes or so, then shampooing it out.'

'Ooh, alright. What you say goes. Thanks. Must say, I'm impressed - if it works.' He gave her a nod.

'Google may have helped.' She said.

Iain looked thoughtful, then annoyed soon after. 'I could've thought of that myself!'

'Ah. You needed my initiative at least.' She said, taking the comb and combing the grains out. Iain let her do it. Sometimes, he figured, it was easier to just let Lily do things her way. It was her way or the highway and woe betide anyone who didn't listen to her or do as she say. She continued to comb with painstaking precision, maybe to rid him of the sand, or maybe to prolong the time she could spend so close to him.

Within the space of an hour, the hair problem was sorted. Lily had gone to brush her teeth, and Iain had noticed she was a while.

'Lily?' He called, giving a knock on the bathroom door. No answer.

'Lily? You okay in there?' He repeated himself, frowning. He bit his lip, a rising sensation in his chest. He waited a few seconds, then hammered several times on the door with a fist. The thumps on the wood drowned out the noise of the lock giving way. Iain tried the door again anyway, stumbled, and found himself standing just past the doorway in the bathroom. The sight in front of him took him by surprise.

He stood for a couple of seconds, bemused. Slumped against the side of the shower was Lily. Thoughts whizzed through his head at once - why was she there? How was she there? What was so hard about just walking a few steps to a proper place to sleep?

'You're a right old sleepyhead, you, aren't you?' Iain sighed. She didn't move, and he watched her with a slight smile. He bent down next to her. 'Picture of innocence...' He whispered. She was fast on, chest rising and falling steadily. Iain realised she wasn't going to budge without help, and he couldn't (and didn't want to) leave her in a heap on the floor all night.

With hesitation at first, he moved to pick her up. Trying to be gentle, he held her steady and walked through into his room, snapping out the bathroom light on the way. He didn't fully watch behind him and caught her foot on the door of his room.

'Huh...' Lily began to mumble, obviously stirring.

'Shh...' He replied, in as soothing a tone as he could manage. He didn't need her waking up. That was the last thing he wanted.

'Iain..?' Lily's voice was sleep addled, drunk with tiredness. She fidgeted and he placed her on the bed without much care, realising fully his attempts had proved futile in not disturbing her.

'Yeah. I'm here.' He said, voice radiating warmth. Lily seemed glad of this, as she smiled softly through her sleepiness.

'What and where was I? Why am I here?' She asked, in a tiny voice. Iain gave a light chuckle.

'You were in my bathroom. You'd fallen asleep, you banana. I carried you through and then like the oaf I am, hit your ankle on the doorframe. You stirred, and now you're in my bed.' He explained.

Lily nodded, satisfied with the amount of detail he'd given. 'Thank you... for trying.' She managed, eyes fluttering shut with exhaustion, then opening again.

'What were you doing in there anyway?' He asked, as he pulled back the covers and switched off the light. Lily hadn't moved from the position she was in when he put her down, but she turned her head slightly so she could face his direction.

'I was washing the last of the bubbles down the drain. Then I thought, it was like a metaphor for the day going down the drain. I didn't want to forget it.' She whispered.

The innocent undertones in her voice made him feel like melting - wash the day away. Day down the drain? He thought how it was such a sweet perspective she adopted, even though it didn't fully make sense to him. He wanted to learn more about her, to gain some depth into the situation. Curious, he turned to her again.

'Down the drain? Eh? Come on Lily, help me understand...' He said, trying to sound as baffled as he could.

'You know what I mean... I'm tired...' She wheedled. Her voice was almost pleading with him, and he felt a bit guilty for keeping her up. 'I just mean, it was like.. the end of the day.' Lily's voice sounded broken, as if she was actually upset.

Iain thought of how she'd been genuinely sad without him knowing. He wished he'd been there for her, or gone to find her earlier than he had. He might have found her awake then. Still, he knew she'd only gone to brush her teeth - it was completely reasonable for her to do this without company.

'And, it is anyway? Night is always the end of the day Lily.' Iain replied. She didn't answer for a couple of seconds.

'Well... I know, but it was a _good_ day.'

'There'll be many more good days! Is that what it's about?' He asked, trying to be sensitive.

'Yeah...' She murmured.

'It's nice to do something that's not work, I know. We can do it more. More with Gem, if you like. Though that's famous last words right there. Who knows what she'll get up to next?' Iain joked, and Lily gave a giggle, appreciating this.

'I would like.' She said.

'Done deal then. You don't have to be sad, there'll be many more! I know it. We've nice photos of today to look back on too.' He said. She sniffed, not responding.

'Oh darling...' Iain gently placed a hand on her shoulder, turning her and pulling her to his chest. A manner of things could have been at play. Simply, the accident could have subconsciously come back to her. She'd been overworked, conflicted emotions, he suspected hormonal too. Even so. The root cause of her feeling a little down didn't seem too important - the only thing important to him was that he fixed it. 'Why didn't you come to find me? Or call me?' He asked, voice gentle. She didn't reply and he just tutted, holding her even tighter.

'Look. We'll look at those photos tomorrow, hey? Could even maybe print some off if you want.' He said.

He felt her nod against him, and he relaxed a little, knowing he'd managed to get through to her. They were quiet for a few seconds.

'Iain...' Lily mumbled. 'I'm cozy right now. But... there's grit here.' She prodded his chest. He groaned.

'Whose idea was it to bury me in the sand again? Oh, that's right. Yours.' He said.

'I feel so bad, you're like... seriously sandy.' She said, snuggling back up against him.

'A few specs never hurt anyone, Lils. I'll shower in the morning.' He wove a strand of her hair between his fingers as he spoke, playing with it gently.

'It's a bit gritty though...' She whined.

'I've said I don't mind!' Iain exclaimed. She was silent for a moment.

'Wait a minute... this isn't even about me, is it?!' He said, voice incredulous.

She laughed, partly at the fact he was right but also because he knew her so well that he was on to her motives and thought processes within seconds.

'There's me thinking you're concerned about me!' He exclaimed.

'I am, I am! It must be horrible being so sandy!' Lily giggled, trying to protest feebly.

'Oh yeah, yeah. If princess and the pea doesn't like it, she can roll over to her own bloody side of the bed.' Iain said, jokily moving to brush her aside. Lily giggled even more when Iain tried to shake her off, and clung slightly tighter so he wouldn't.

'I don't mind a bit of sand, really.' She told him.

'Well, you know where to go if you do!' He said.

'I'm staying. I would stay even if you were sandier.' She told him.

'Ah, and me you. On that note, it is time for some shut eye.' He yawned, and literally closed his eyes.

'Iain?' She whispered.

'What now?' He asked, pretending to be annoyed but smiling even so.

'Keep your eyes closed.' She whispered. He did so, and she gently pressed her lips against his.

'I have something I've been meaning to tell you for weeks,' She whispered again. He could hear the lightness in her voice as she spoke to him, weariness in both of them vanished in the moment.

She took a breath in and continued.

'I love you too.'


	20. chapter 20

**Okay lovelies a big big sorry for not updating this in a while! Didn't know whether to leave it or not, since it reached an okay ending. However, I've been writing a few stories lately and they all feel too similar to be individual ones. If anybody has been following 'The After', then I apologise because these next few chapters have literally been taken from that story (and slightly edited so they make sense). If you haven't, then I hope you like them! Updates will hopefully be regular on this now as I've deleted some other stories to make room for this. This used to be Let Me In, but I've changed the title and description slightly so all this makes sense.**

Weeks had passed since their day out with Gem and since Lily declared her feelings for Iain. Things were supposed to get better, but they'd hardly seen anything of each other due to work and life just getting in the way. They'd argued again - Lily _hated_ arguing but they'd disagreed over who worked which shift. It had led to a lot of raised voices and regret on both of their parts. They'd made up for it, of course, in the only way they knew how.

It was quiet. Completely quiet. Unnerving, really, had things been different.

'We shouldn't argue.' He had a strand of hair wrapped between his forefinger and thumb, and he twiddled with it thoughtfully. Not expecting a response as such, just simply thinking aloud. He didn't see the point in keeping his thoughts to himself - there was absolutely nothing to lose. She cleared her throat, once, and quietly.

'We shouldn't.' Just an echo of what he'd said; there wasn't much else to say anyway. His heart beat lazily against her shoulder, and their laboured breathing had calmed and steadied, almost in sync.

'I don't want to fight you, Lily, but we clash, don't we?' He sighed, reluctant himself to accept there was any way they wouldn't work out. She chose not to answer. It wouldn't have made a difference either way. Instead, she numbly traced patterns on the pillow with a finger. Iain glanced right, watching her do so with yet another sigh. Avoid, avoid, avoid. As ever.

'Lily..' He said, trying to get a response.

'What do you even want me to say to that? Yes, we argue? Yes, this isn't going anywhere? If you're going to let me down, then just say the words instead of.. of allowing us to be like this! Say the words and I'll go. I'll shower and wash every last trace of you off my skin and we can pretend that whatever this is - or isn't - never happened.' The hurt reflected in her tone. He glanced back over and saw the tears well in her eyes before she had the chance to turn her head. He ran a hand down his face, exasperated.

'I know... that you're hurting.' Iain was careful to choose his words.

'No, don't you say that. You don't know..' Her voice came out as whimpers, obviously choked up. He shut his eyes, not knowing if he was helping or just making things worse. He presumed the latter.

'Listen to me. I think we clash, you seem to think so too. We couldn't be more different, okay? Even so... I am not going to let you down, or whatever you said. I know you've not had cracking past experiences, but look me in the eyes Lily. Do you think I'd ever hurt you? Do you think I'd ever let anything happen to you?' His eyes bore into hers. She looked back into his, perhaps a little too long. They kept the gentleness, yet they were full of sadness too. One shake of the head, and he visibly relaxed.

'But... those things you said.' Lily whispered, tears welling back up. Iain felt a stab of guilt. He hated himself for what he'd said.

'What would I know? I'm the heartless one. Nothing justified me saying that, alright? I know it hurt you...' Iain explained, missing her point.

'Just now, you said you'd never hurt me... you did then.' She added. Iain sighed now, trying his best to suppress the growing anger.

'Yeah. True. Guess there's no defence to that. I have apologised though, and it's not like you didn't retaliate.' He said, and almost at once stopped playing with her hair. The atmosphere became awkward again, in what felt like no time at all. They didn't speak for a few minutes.

'I know you wouldn't hurt me, you apologised... bringing it up again was wrong.' Lily added quietly. He fixed his eyes on her.

'I really wouldn't, Lily.' He said, also quiet.

Neither of them had declared their thoughts either way outwardly, but they also hadn't moved, which alone communicated in volumes how they felt. He gave a slow and steady exhale of breath, and looked to the ceiling, wriggling his toes in the sheets. They were crinkled and a bit musty, and the events of the evening were just another reason to put them on a wash first thing the following morning.

'I'll go soon.' She whispered.

'Somewhere to be?' He picked at a nail.

'Um... not like that. I just need an early night. I'm doing nights tomorrow.' She said.

'Me too. You don't have to go, though.' He said.

'No, I know. It's best, I think. We need the head space.' She gently rolled off Iain and climbed out of bed, pulling on leggings as she spoke.

'It's up to you, then.' He said, softly. He realised there was no point in asking her to stay - she would stay if she wanted to. She'd made herself pretty clear in what she wanted to do.

Through the hole in her jumper, she noticed him looking thoughtful. 'It's not you.. I promise. It's not me either.' Her voice was muffled by the material as she pulled it over her head. Iain didn't reply.

She hesitated, hovering. 'I'll see you at work tomorrow?' She asked, picking up her bag. He just gave a small nod, trying his best not to feel cast aside. It was and it wasn't personal, all at the same time. Rejection washed over him, but not enough to stop him from giving her a look he knew she'd understand.

'See you.' He mumbled.


	21. chapter 21

The rain hammered against the roof of the hospital. Lily wondered if it was possible that the weather could reflect your mood. She snapped herself out of her thoughts no sooner had they popped into her head, having dismissed them as silly daydreams born out of being overtired and drained. She gripped the handle of her mug even harder; her fingertips reddened as she did so. Five more minutes left of break, and she'd spent it all mulling over emotions she wasn't even sure of. Hardly ideal. She lowered her eyes and stared into the murkiness of the liquid. Back to work soon. Not without a heavy sigh first, she gulped the remains of the coffee down like a lukewarm shot. It was unpleasant, but the temperature wouldn't matter as soon as the caffeine was flowing round her veins. She ought to know better as a doctor, that drugs weren't exactly the way. Although legal, caffeine was certainly still a drug, and that drug wasn't going to do much in the way of making up for the exhaustion she felt. There was no other option though, since she'd spent every waking second at her flat thinking of the mess she found herself in.

Lily wasn't in any doubt that Iain cared. He'd told her so, and he was, in her opinion, an honest man. The things he did also demonstrated his feelings. Lily referred to the proverb, actions speak louder than words. He'd messaged her a couple of times since the night before, despite being given the cold shoulder. He'd even tried to call. It wasn't a question of how he felt about Lily - when he tried to bring up the issue of their differences, he was just being practical and she didn't really blame him. How could she? It was realistic to think they'd argue - they were chalk and cheese. Opposites attract, sure, but polar opposites? Maybe not so.

Their differences ran deep. Lily wasn't the type for flings, but when it came to Iain, things almost felt different. He felt like the exception. She wanted to keep her commitments to work, yet have him too. It would work perfectly, to have him on the side. However, he was a person too, and this had to be considered.

Iain wanted something serious, it seemed obvious to Lily. He wanted Friday night dinner dates, and pillow fights. Walks every Sunday morning. An espresso machine, maybe, because he loved coffee even more than she. Lazy days and nights out in town, where they'd stumble home and not really remember anything, fall asleep on the sofa and wake up to see the remains of takeaways on the floor.

To contrast, Lily realised she would be content with whiskey kisses, lipstick stains on sheets, makeup sex. Everything being kept hush hush. On-off lovers. But, that wasn't fair. She'd already accused Iain a couple days earlier of wanting her to leave. That made her opinions hypocritical. Would she even be happy with that anyway? She would only get attached. Things wouldn't work, and she couldn't see a resolution.

She wondered about him. Realised he'd too focused on work, like she should be. Wondered if she'd been on his mind like he was on hers since she left his flat.

-x-

Lily was concentrating as best she could on the screen in front of her. Little did she know, Iain had clocked her out of the corner of his eye.

'Hi..' He said, as if just in passing. He paused suddenly, and decided to linger. 'How's the shift going?'

'Busy, but what's new? It is nearly done. And yours?' She replied.

'So-so. I could do with a drink after some of the stuff I've seen.' He told her, leaning against the counter as she continued to type away.

'It is 4am...' She replied, looking at him with slight desbelief.

'Well, exactly,' He laughed. 'Seriously though. Me and the lads are off out tomorrow evening if you fancy coming along too.' He told her.

'Lads?'

'Well. Jez, some of the others. As ever, stick with me, you'll be alright.' He smiled.

He had the sort of smile that won. At the end of the day, she might as well. It was as good an excuse as any to have a break from things, and she'd turned down nearly all of his previous invitations.

'Yeah, sure.' She nodded.

'Good, well, we're meeting at 7 at the Hope and Anchor.'

'Sounds.. good. I'll be sociable, but I may just draw the line at a kebab.' She gave a small smile. It was slightly forced, and she wasn't so sure she even wanted to go. They needed to talk, they were on a different page. Alcohol wouldn't change that and nor would it solve anything. Its only purpose would be to distract them until the morning when they'd wake with sore heads and probable regret.

'Yeah, right. You'd love a kebab, you would.' His eyes seemed to sparkle.

'Hm. I'm somewhat sceptical, but God knows why.' She collected the papers together with two hands by tapping the pile against the desk twice till they all aligned. Iain smiled again - he couldn't help it. Sarcastic Lily was always amusing.

'You literally can't beat the taste, Lily. Biggest hangover cure ever.' He chuckled again.

'Yes, well. I'll talk your word for it. I am, however, partial to a pint though.'

'Just one? Or two? Three? Four?' He asked, with a smirk.

'All depends on how boring the company is...' She answered, not missing a beat. Her eyes didn't move from the computer monitor.

'Ha! Fair enough, I suppose. I never have seen a drunk Lily. It must be a right sight.'

'And what is that supposed to mean?' Her eyes met his as she logged off.

'That it would be fun.' He rolled his eyes.

'Apparently I lose all my inhibitions.' She said, moving her eyes to look at him.

'See, that would be great.' He smiled at her again. Lily wondered if he was flirting. She'd never been good at picking up on the signs. She expected he was. He'd invited her out, for starters.

Iain clearly noticed her thoughtfulness and began to make tracks. 'Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow Chuckles. Don't you overdo it.' He smiled at her again. Definitely flirting now.

Lily sighed and allowed herself to exhale slowly. A strange feeling washed over her. Excitement. Above all else, it could be really fun. Letting her hair down was long overdue.


	22. chapter 22

'Chug it, chug it, chug it...' The chants of the men around her rung in her ears. The noise was too much. It was the end of the night anyway, they were in the last bar. She gripped the glass and tipped the liquid down her throat. Iain watched on, looking surprised yet amused. No sooner had she finished, Jez pushed several little glasses towards her.

'I better not...' Lily begun to speak, but her words came out funny.

'If I do, you've got to.' He told her, seemingly having more composure.

With a nod, she took the four shots lined up on the counter. She winced at the taste

but swallowed it anyway.

Clearly watching the events too, the barman cleared his throat. This didn't catch anyone's attention - they were all much too drunk to really care. 'Out.' He said, when he managed to get Iain's attention. The barman pointed at Lily, who was drunkenly trying to keep her balance. Iain just gave the barman a quick smile in apology, and went up to Lily.

'Right, come on lads..' Iain shouted. Surprisingly, they didn't take much persuading, and were out the door before he could be.

'Now. Is this the Lily I know?' He asked.

'Hmm...' Lily turned round, brushing herself up against Iain. He was embarrassed straight away - it was so out of character for her and he'd let her get into such a state. They all had.

'Come on, you. Let's get you out.' He tapped her lightly on the back.

'No, don't wanna leave.' She just replied, staggering over to a chair and sitting down.

'Lily...' He let out a half laugh, having not been expecting her to put up a fight at all.

'Mate, we'll meet you at the kebab shop..' Jez popped his head through the doorway, not without receiving a glare from the barman. Iain could only nod in reply.

Having finally managed to persuade Lily out - the threat from the manager of phoning the police seemed to sober her up momentarily - the pair of them walked down the street. Lily stumbled, struggling to keep balance in her heels, so he wrapped his arm round her shoulder in support.

'I'm hungry...' She whined.

'Well, that's the drink talking.' He replied.

'I _am_ , Iain!' Lily urged.

'I know you are, sweetheart.'

'Don't call me that!'

'What? Sweetheart? You've never minded before.' He answered.

'Makes me feel like a child...'

'You're clearly not a child, Lily. You've just got hammered, right? I take it all back.' He chuckled.

'Now you're laughing at me..' She whined.

'Oh, Lily. I'm really not. How many drinks did you have anyway?' He asked.

'I had a beer, and then another type of beer, and then another one of those ones. Then there was some samples of wine, so I drunk that too. Then some from someone's cocktail. And shots, _lots_ of shots.' Lily smiled, thinking back.

'Well, aren't you hardcore?' He asked. They stopped outside of a pizza place.

'Will pizza do?' He asked. He wanted to catch the lads up, but Lily had soberly told him she didn't the day before. There would be other times.

Lily just gave a nod, so they went inside.

-x-

The pair of them sat on the worktop in Iain's kitchen, shovelling pizza into their mouths. A pint glass of water sat aside the both of them. It had been an evening that neither she or he had expected, and even being drunk, they both still picked up on the tension. Lily had complained a bit about her dress digging in, and had taken it off of her own accord. They both sat in nothing but underwear, except for Iain's t-shirt, which he soon took off and threw to her.

'Carbs do a magnificent job of sobering you up.' Iain said, chewing on a crust. Lily just watched him, swinging her legs against the worktop in a childlike way.

'They're also ridiculously bad for you.' She added.

'Proving my point though, a truly inebriated Lily would not be able to come out with such a sensible statement.' Iain grinned.

'What makes you so sure about that?' She said, her voice quiet now. She took another bite from a pizza slice in her hand. 'Your top smells of booze, Iain.'

Iain just gave a laugh. 'Good. That means we've had a good night then.'

'I think I'm getting even more drunk from the fumes...' She said, inspecting the top she was wearing.

'Now you are being silly.'

'I'm not, I'm being serious. It's passive alcohol consumption, I have read about it.' Lily said, indignant to make her point.

Iain just rolled his eyes and shook his head. 'You probably have, knowing you. Something tells me you'll be alright though.'

Lily just nodded in response. 'I feel bloated, and... and... dirty.'

'We can shower in the morning, think sleeping it off is best now.' He glanced at the clock. Technically, it was the morning. 4am. He hadn't stayed out that late - or early, rather - since his college days.

To his relief, she listened to him.

'Okay.' She nodded, traipsing off into his room. As he begun to tidy away the boxes, he couldn't help but think about how funny it had been. The more he thought of it, the more amusing it was.

'Iain..' She popped her head back through.

'Do I have to be by myself?' She asked, voice sounding small. Despite being tipsy, he still managed to feel an ache in his chest. Sober Lily would never have said something like that. He couldn't help but look at her slightly longer as he attempted to form an answer out of the mush that his brain had become.

'I don't want to be alone...' She wandered back into the kitchen area, leaning against the cupboard.

'I'll be two minutes then. Just tidying the place up a bit, you know.' He gestured to the strewn takeaway boxes and clothes.

'I should help-' She begun.

'No, no. Just... you go to bed, Lily. I'll be through soon.' He said, beginning to feel annoyed by the pestering. She went, and he had some time to think again as he sorted the clutter.

She'd winded up back at his. That was unintentional. It wasn't even in the sense that he'd wanted it to happen, had it happened at all.

Her head popped through the door again, this time with a giggle. Iain sighed, but didn't quite manage to suppress a smile himself.

'What are you doing again?' He said, his voice gentle.

'I'm here. Look what I found..' She brandished a bottle of his whiskey. The last time he'd seen it, it was unopened, but Lily had clearly managed to get into it as there was some missing from the bottle.

'What are you like?' Iain laughed, but only to himself as he went over to her and took it out her hand, placing it on a higher shelf in his kitchen that he knew she couldn't reach with ease.

'No. More. Drink.' He told her. He checked his phone, 4:18. They definitely had to go to bed now. He held up the screen for Lily to see. 'Look. Look at the time! Bedtime, Lily.' He said, firmly.

'Okay, Mr Bossy, I am going, I'm going, going...' She mumbled to herself as she climbed into his bed.

Iain snapped out the light. There was a million and one things he hadn't done, including tidying away fully, brushing his teeth, washing, but he'd locked the flat and got Lily to bed in one piece. All that mattered really. The last bit was questionable, but, sort of one piece. Physically anyway.

'I shouldn't have bothered washing my bedding after all.' He said.

'Well, wash it again.' Lily replied.

'Thanks for that one, clever clogs.' He answered.

'You do have this habit of mentioning obvious things yourself..' She giggled, and rolled over on to her tummy to face him. They were quiet for a few moments. 'I could kiss you now..' She whispered.

'You could,' Iain said. 'But you shouldn't. Not like this.'

Lily ignored him, and begun to press her lips against his. It took all his strength to reciprocate gently for a couple of seconds, but then pull away and roll her off.

She was quiet for a few seconds, before he heard sniffing.

'Lily...' He tried, patiently. 'I'm not rejecting you, darling. Alright? I'm just saying, well, not now.' He sighed, a hand on her back. He took a few seconds to think, and glanced back over at her to find she'd fallen asleep already. Her chest rose up and down steadily. Fast asleep. A weight had been lifted off, for much as the night had been fun, it had been exhausting. He soon drifted off too, without much further thought.


	23. chapter 23

Her eyes opened before anything else. Within seconds, she became acutely aware of the searing pain in her head. Her entire head felt so heavy, she wasn't sure she could lift it to sit up. She stayed lying down, not willing to inflict any additional pain on herself.

'Morning..' Iain just said, without even as much as looking at her.

'How did you know I was awake?' She asked.

'Mm, I know everything. How's the head?' He asked, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand and stretching with his arms.

'I'm not being dramatic but...' She knocked his foot with hers under the covers as she changed position. 'I think I'm dying.'

'That's not a surprise. If only you could see yourself as you were last night...'

'Spare me the details, I can imagine.' She mumbled, rubbing her temples with both thumbs.

'I couldn't believe it. I knew you were drunk, but... getting a tattoo is a _bit_ far, even for you.'

'Well, now you know,' She said. There was a short silence, and then a gasp. 'Wait, tattoo? Of what? And where?' She sounded panicked.

'Uh, "Cracking a cold one open with the boys". It's like, on your upper back if I remember rightly. Don't take my word for the exact positioning, I was a bit tipsy myself.' Her face was a picture as she took in the information. 'Didn't watch as they inked it into you, I was just there as you chose it. You did an Ethan alright.' Iain told her, enjoying every second of her reaction.

'I can't even see...' Lily managed to sit up, twisting her head round to try and look at her back. She managed to pull back the material of Iain's top that clung to her sticky skin, and continued to crane her neck for a couple of seconds before Iain laughed loudly.

'Oh you... you're a-' Lily punched him, pouting with embarrassment. 'I'm so gullible! And, and-and you take advantage of that in the worst way! I sat up for no reason - my poor head.' Lily whined, but not without a smile. 'And.. it even sounded stupid too. As if I believed you...' She said.

'Aw, diddums.'

'Oh.. shut up.' She laid back on the pillow, blinking her eyes shut with content. She was hung over but happy. She decided she'd rather have 100 hangovers, simultaneously, if it meant waking up to Iain (and his dreadful banter) was possible.

'Nah, we went in and out of bars and clubs, you got us kicked out...' He relived the events for her.

'No I didn't..' She said.

'Yeah!' Iain said, smiling.

'No no no, Iain! You're joking again?' She asked, a hand flying over her mouth.

'No, right. I'm deadly serious. We were asked to leave and it was because you were stumbling round, knocking furniture over and asking various members of staff for their numbers. Troublemaker, you.' He prodded her playfully.

'No I wasn't!' Lily gasped, giggling.

'You were. Should've seen the look on their poor faces. One lad only looked about 19.' Iain half enjoyed tormenting her.

'Nooo..' She visibly squirmed.

'Anyway, we got pizza afterwards. Then we went to bed, near enough half four.' Iain explained.

'Did we.. you know...?' She asked.

Iain looked at her, puzzled, till it clicked. 'No.' He answered. 'I mean, you tried, but no..'

Lily just nodded. 'Do you have any paracetamol?' She asked.

'Yeah, somewhere..' He reached down, fumbling about in the drawer beside his bed.

'I need a gram. Probably a gram and a half.' She told him.

'You're not having a gram and a half, Lily. It's 500mg in each tablet. No way are you having three paracetamol.' He said, tightening his fingers around the pack he'd produced, as if he thought she might try to.

'Nothing bad would happen to me though..' She argued. 'I know this kind of thing.'

'That's as maybe. Just have two.' He snapped two out and gave her them. She swallowed them, without water, and laid back down again.

'How are you?' She asked him.

'Me? Um, alright. My head's a bit cloudy but I'll survive.' He sighed.

'Just, don't be a martyr. Have pain relief if you feel the need. It may perk you up.'

'Yeah, alright. I didn't drink the amount you did anyway. Listen - about that. I feel guilty. For... letting you get in that state.' He said, regret in his voice.

'Don't. I was the one tipping the liquid down my throat, it isn't as if you held a gun to my head.' She tried to reassure him.

'Obviously not, but...' He protested.

'But what?' She sighed.

'Well, it's not very gentlemanly of me, is it?' He asked, moving his hand underneath the top to trace circles on her back. Lily was momentarily distracted by the touch on her skin - it was welcome and it made her mind drift a bit.

'You don't need to worry about that kind of thing.' She answered eventually, plainly enough.

'Hmm...'

They laid still for a couple of minutes, not talking. There was nothing much to say. 'I think you're a gentleman.' She turned and shuffled upwards, placing an arm on his bare chest to prop herself up. He blinked back at her, gave a small smile and ran his hand down his face. 'Don't be embarrassed, Iain. I do.' She said.

'It's a bit...' He begun. She listened patiently. 'Well... cringey when you say things like that.' Lily giggled now, taking note that his cheeks were slighter pinker then they had been the last time she looked.

'It's true. You could have gone back out with the lads, yet you walked me home...' She begun to list reasons, but Iain was caught on one of the words that had presumably just slipped out. _Home_. Except, they'd gone back to his place. It was probably nothing more than a mere accident - a slip of wording, perhaps. She was tired and more than likely still a little drunk. Still, if she'd meant it, or her subconscious had meant it, then she'd called Iain's place home. She'd only been twice, so he was dubious to believe it was a reference to his flat (albeit a rather homely and cosy place, if he said so himself). The place didn't matter. Home was more of a feeling, and he was glad that there was a possibly - no matter how tiny - Lily felt that way about his company.

'You are very spaced out...' Lily's observations snapped him out of his thoughts. 'Shall I make you coffee?'

'Ah, that's kind of you, but you don't know where everything is...'

'I'm a quick learner.' Her smile gave him the impression he didn't have much choice in the matter.

'Yeah, okay. 2 sugars. In need of all the energy I can get. Thanks..' Iain nodded, as he watched her make her way out the room. It could be like this. Things could really be just as simple as this, he thought.

-x-

After popping to the toilet quickly, Lily stumbled through into the kitchen. She was made increasingly aware that the alcohol hadn't completely left her system. Her mouth was uncomfortably dry and her balance was gone, not to mention the raging headache she had that the paracetamol hadn't even so much as touched.

Pizza boxes were still haphazardly balanced on the countertop, a reminder of the night before. Still, the memories were fuzzy. She filled the kettle and flicked it on to boil. The pizza boxes caught her eye again, so she clumsily tidied them away, throwing them in the plastic rubbish carrier bag that was clinging to the door handle for its dear life. Mugs. She searched in almost every cupboard, but it was to no avail.

Clearly having heard her, Iain shouted through helpfully.

'Try one left of the microwave.'

Lily pulled on the handle and saw he was right. 'The only one I didn't try!' She called back.

She set out a batman cup on the side, and next to it, a pink floral one.

'Two sugars?' She called.

'Please!'

'What about milk?'

'Need you even ask?'

She swirled the teaspoon round in both mugs, mixing the coffee granules with the water. Careful not to splash herself, she carried both back through into the bedroom.

'You... are a star.' He gratefully took the mug off her.

'But, wait, how come I'm flowers?'

'Are you saying girls can't be superheroes?' She tested, poking her tongue out cheekily before taking a sip out of the batman cup to prove a point.

He rolled his eyes and pulled a face, while she giggled, setting the cup aside on a coaster. She propped the pillows up against the headboard and sat against them, then took the mug back into her hands, clasping it tightly.

'As it's you, I'll let you off.' He told her.

'It wasn't intentional, contrary to what you're thinking. A genuine error. It is amusing though.' She replied.

Iain sipped at the coffee. 'Not all that bad, Barista Chao.' He joked.

'Flattery will get you nowhere.' She raised one eyebrow at his comment.

'I'm serious, you make a decent coffee.' He told her.

'Well... thanks.' She smiled. He smiled back.

 **I liked writing that one :-) stay tuned for C5 my lovelies x**


	24. chapter 24

'It's odds on, 1-5. It's easy, Lily. You've got to play. Chances are you won't even have to do the dares anyway.' He sprawled across the trampoline that stood in Connie's garden, netting pressing against his toes, making funny patterns on his skin.

Lily had agreed to watch Grace for the day, and Iain had tagged along too, much to Mrs Beauchamp's evident disapproval. There was nothing she could have done, for she had to attend a conference in London and there was no getting out of it. She'd hurried off, reluctant but trusting that the pair would do a sound job overnight. Grace took herself to bed early at 8. Lily had helped her get ready, watched that she took her meds, all the while telling her she didn't have to go so early. Iain had lingered in the doorway, backing Lily up, explaining there were sweets, popcorn and films downstairs. Grace had been adamant though, and so they hadn't tried to persuade her any other way.

Lily looked at Iain suspiciously. He looked back, an almost childlike eager expression on his face. 'Fine... ready, steady, go... 3.' She said, and he simultaneously chimed in with the same number.

She gave a sigh, running a hand through her tousled hair. 'So, what do I have to do? Don't say something stupid, like slime something or yell something obscene. Grace is inside, might still be awake.' Lily frowned.

'Obscene...' Iain echoed her choice of words with a chuckle.

'I mean it, Iain.' Lily hissed, holding her ankles, sitting frog-legged.

'You've given me ideas now...' He smiled, looking upwards at the clouds while he thought.

'Nothing inappropriate..' Lily bounced up and down a little bit, trying to warm herself up. It had dropped chilly and dusk was settling in.

'Since when am I inappropriate?' He asked, mock surprise. Lily just raised an eyebrow and he smiled, hazarding a good guess as to what she was thinking. Noticing she looked cold, he quickly slipped off his hoodie and passing it to her, sitting up properly.

'Right. Knock a door run. Next door.' Iain gestured towards the big house that stood alone next door. It was a great structure, and the impression was got that only people from affluent backgrounds would live there.

Lily looked agonised. 'I can't.' She whispered.

'You can.'

'I can't, Iain!'

'You could.'

'No, I'm not doing that. I have to be respected. Suppose Mrs Beauchamp finds out? I need to be a responsible babysitter tonight.'

'Alright then. Knock on the door and ask them for toilet paper.' He said, with a shrug that meant he didn't see why she couldn't.

'Iain, no. Nothing with the neighbours, please?' Lily begged.

'I'm not bending on that one, it's a soft dare. Come on. You said three, I said three, that means you do the dare. Look, it'll only take twenty seconds.' He told her. She looked grimly at the house next door, but it was obvious she was contemplating it. 'Go on, no one will think bad of you.'

'I'm not sure...'

'Look. Where's your sense of fun?' As soon as he said it, he regretted it. Would she take it personally? It was difficult to tell, especially since she'd already flounced off the trampoline.

Iain waited, biding his time before her return. She came back, armed with a single roll of toilet roll. He choked back a laugh at the expression on her face.

'Cannot believe this. I am the object of ridicule, probably amongst all these nice neighbours, all because of you and your infantile little games.' She hopped back onto the trampoline.

'Nah, it's a perfectly normal thing to ask. I knew you'd take a kick up the backside to do it. That's always the case with you.'

Lily just pouted, thoughtful. 'Although they probably did find it odd. I mean, no offence but, look at you.' He glanced at her outfit. Sure enough, she was dressed in a onesie and Iain's jumper. It did look silly.

'Iain, stop it, I'll worry.' She said, chewing a nail.

With Lily, he knew when it was time to stop. She was worn out and she still hadn't recovered from the events of a few evenings before. He'd missed her in the 72 hours they'd been apart though, and so couldn't resist an opportunity to tease. Enough was enough though, and realising this, he gestured towards the doorway.

'Shall we go in?' He asked.

'Yeah. It's a bit... chilly.' She said.

'Run a bath.' Iain suggested.

'Don't want to disturb Grace. Had a shower before at home, anyway.' Lily replied.

'Fair enough. Connie messaged while you were next door, says she left a bottle of Cava in the fridge. Kind of her.' Iain nodded.

'I'll have one glass...' Lily put emphasis on the one, raising her eyebrows again.

'Famous last words.' Iain smiled back, clambering off the trampoline with the toilet roll in his hands.


	25. chapter 25

The TV had been tuned out by the pair of them, its chatter merely a background noise. It would have been irresponsible to

get drunk while at the house. Whilst they weren't strictly taking care of Grace, they were minding the house and watching over her if she needed anything. Lily had stuck to her guns and had just the one drink. Iain had only one too. Somehow, that intensified things even more in itself.

They weren't drunk yet they managed to be as they were: relaxed in the rocking chair in the corner. It wasn't an old fashioned chair; it was in many ways like a leather marshmallow. Although not brand new, it was the sort of furniture you didn't fork out for unless you only wanted it for show. Obviously the whole house was for show - it was Mrs Beauchamp. She was very about public image.

Still, it seemed a shame to leave it empty.

Before long, Lily was curled up on his knee, eyes closed but not sleeping. His hand settled on her back, and they just sat quietly. The absence of words managed to make the moment even more intimate. It rocked gently as he moved his foot, and the movement lulled them both.

'Chuckles, you're going to fall asleep...'

'Mm... I am not.' She mumbled in response, but her voice already sounded sleep-addled. Her thoughts were going blurry, fading. She drifted in and out of sleep, still faintly aware of his body beneath hers.

'D'you think Grace is still awake?' Iain spoke quietly.

'No. Haven't checked though, so, maybe. Probably not.' Lily gave a little yawn.

'I've lost all track of time. 11ish, I'm guessing.' Iain said, starting to move to lean for his phone. Lily gave the tiniest of whimpers, and he looked round. 'What's up?'

'Don't move...' She replied, wriggling to curl up again. Iain laughed lightly.

'Well, I do apologise. Besides. We can't stay here all night.' He told her.

She was quiet a minute. 'But I don't want to move.'

Iain laughed again. 'And supposing Mrs Beauchamp finds us here, like this, in the morning? You won't be comfy anyway, you'll hurt your neck after too long.'

A pause. 'Well, we can't sleep in her bed..'

'That's what she'll be expecting.'

'But my legs are too heavy.'

'I'll carry you up then.'

'Really?' Lily peeked at him, looking up.

'Um, yes. If it preserves my dignity and prevents my boss from walking in and see us like that.' He replied.

'What's so bad if she does?' Lily asked.

'Sorry?'

'What's so bad if she does see us like that?' Lily repeated herself.

'Well, you know...' He begun. He realised what she meant at once. 'No, Lily. It's not that I don't want to be seen with you but, come on..' He started.

'You could have fooled me.' She said, sounding slightly offended.

'Lily..' He sighed, running a hand down his face. 'You're tired, come on.'

She just looked hurt, and it fell silent. There was nothing else to be done really. Without another word, he scooped her up, and they went upstairs to the actual room.

-x-

'This is a big bed, to say it's just Connie's.' Iain remarked, as he and Lily laid side by side. 'Still, I suppose, we don't know what she gets up to in her spare time.'

Lily looked horrified. 'No, and that would be none of anyone's business. That is our boss you speak of! Plus, she probably has cameras watching us or something. You'll regret that.'

'Alright! Don't get your knickers in a twist. It's a big bed, that's all I'm saying.'

'Yeah, big enough to roll away from me if you think we look too close.'

Iain just sighed, pulling her in to him and brushing his lips against her forehead.

'Listen. Coming upstairs was just about being practical. I mean, what if Grace needs you in the night? Yeah?'

Lily knew what he was saying made sense, but she'd been so cosy downstairs and the moment had truly felt perfect.

'Mm.' She turned and rolled to her side. Iain didn't press it, she clearly wanted to be like that.

'Night then.' He said, sounding a bit defeated.

'Goodnight,' She replied with a yawn, almost emphasising her point that she was tired and wouldn't be talking anymore. Iain was left in his own thoughts. Maybe things would be fine in the morning. The problem was, it only took the slightest thing to upset either one of them. It was constantly like treading on eggshells, avoiding an argument. He still bothered because the good times were worth all that. They made it all worth it. So worth it. So much so, bothering or not wasn't even a question.


	26. chapter 26

**A/N: Quick message to anyone who's confused about the story content - please see the summary of C20. I've deleted The After now, and moved the chapters across to this story**

'So Grace, pancakes for you?' Iain asked, clocking Lily as he spoke to the young girl. She just nodded, little enthusiasm but in support of his suggestion.

The girls were sitting around the breakfast bar in the kitchen, deliberating over what to have. Iain was searching the kitchen, looking for things they could cook with.

'What about you, Lily?' Iain turned round to look at her.

'Pancakes too.' Lily just smiled with a slight raise of eyebrow, almost quizzing him, although he didn't know what about. It was subtle though, so much so, he couldn't call her out on it.

'Okay. Grace, you now get to sample my culinary delights.' Iain said, jokily. Grace laughed politely.

'If it's anything like his toast...' Lily begun.

'Shut up, Chuckles, you liked that.' He smirked at his turned back round to the pan.

'No, I remembered my manners.'

He just rolled his eyes and shook his head for a couple of seconds, unaware both girls were watching him. He turned back round, a comical sight in Connie's apron and kitchen attire.

'D'you know Grace, Lily here can't even boil an egg. Mad that, isn't it? She's managed to get her way through university, and your mum employed her, yet she can't even cook!'

Lily just widened her eyes (but they still sparkled) and gave a shake of the head at Iain. 'At least I don't pretend that I can.' She retorted. The pair of them had now tuned Grace out, enjoying the rallying of insults they didn't truly mean.

'Pretend? I don't _pretend_ to do anything...' He scoffed.

'Oh, I do.' Lily shot back quickly.

Iain gave a laugh, and turned round to the cooker. He suddenly felt a lot hotter than he had done before, and somehow, the cooking didn't really make that much of a difference. He was embarrassed, really, couldn't look her in the eye. It wasn't like Lily to come out with any sort of reference.

'Feel the burn...' Lily whispered, as she reached to put the milk away. He just shook his head, amused yet slightly concerned she'd meant it.

'Voila..' Iain brandished the plate in front of Grace, who was scrolling her phone instead of paying attention to the pair of them.

'Thanks, this looks great!' Grace managed to sound a little cheerier. He nodded at Lily, as if to say 'see'.

They tidied away, and underneath the clatter of pots and pans, Iain made eye contact with Lily. 'Did you mean that...?'

She gave him a look, which was overly scathing. Good. Reassuring, he thought. 'Need you even ask? Do I ever look or sound like I'm faking?'

'No, which was-' He whispered. Grace cleared her throat, as if to make a point, and they quickly picked up the pots again. It was easy to forget she was in the room. Lily wondered how much of their conversation she'd heard, or rather, understood. Her arms were elbow deep in suds, and she was lost in thought as she continued to wash up from the night before.

-x-

'Lily?' Grace asked, swapping her hands over and placing the left one on the towel that sat in front of Lily.

'Yes, sweetheart?'

'You know, Iain? You and Iain?' Grace asked, eyes curious.

 _No_ , Lily thought. He was upstairs and he perhaps wouldn't hear whatever she was to say next - he was stripping the bed. She could say what she liked or wanted. What she really wanted was to laugh, as she didn't know how else to respond. Instead, she found herself nodding. 'Yes?'

'Do you go out?' She asked.

It was tempting for Lily to take the phrase literally. No, they didn't _go out._ Nobody even knew they were seeing each other, they merely just thought they were friends. The pair stayed in. They were always in. Iain at Lily's, Lily at Iain's. Only really there for one purpose.

'Um, why do you ask?' Lily said, careful to keep her hand steady while she painted the girl's nails.

'No reason. Except, he seems like he flirts with you.'

'Flirts?' She said, not managing to keep the surprise out of her voice. She didn't expect Grace would even know what that was.

'Yeah. Kitchen. And... last night a bit. When he let you win in Scrabble.' Grace explained.

Lily hadn't thought about that much. 'Things are complicated, Grace.' Lily painted her finger carefully, trying to be as honest as she could be. 'Things are complicated, and... and.. without meaning to be patronising, you'll understand when you're older. Maybe not when you're that much older. Maybe just when you meet someone that is a friend...' She was cautious choosing her words. Grace listened intently. 'You like this friend. Things happen, and they mean that you and the person gets closer. You're not sure whether you like them like that or not. Or, you know you do, but you have to think practically about it. Sometimes what your heart wants isn't what your head wants. Feelings are.. funny things.' She screwed the cap on the nail polish, its smell overpowering. She twisted the lid off the clear, and began to apply it over the top.

'My mum and dad like each other too, I think. I probably shouldn't tell you that. They're stupid, I think. They go round in circles. Always rowing over the smallest things and then always looking at each other like they fancy each other, or worse, kissing. I saw them. They probably had you-know-what. Yuck. I made things more complicated for them when I was born. Maybe they feel like they have to love each other for me.' Grace said.

It resonated with Lily completely, and she realised she perhaps had more in common with her colleagues than she once imagined.

'Maybe they do. But Grace, you must never feel that way. They love you. They want what's best for you. You know, it's hard when you love someone, or like them a lot. Things aren't always easy. Arguments are a normal part of life, whether that be romantic love or the bond between a parent and child, or whatever. Even friends argue. We humans are all a bit complex.'

'It seems so complicated. It's not like films, is it? They're so unrealistic. Why can't it be easy? Like, how to fix your body is easy. You go to doctors like you. How to fix your heart, well... it's different.' Grace replied, handling the conversation in a mature way - a way much beyond a typical 11 year old might. Lily admired this in her.

'Yeah, you're right. If only science could explain love. They're like chalk and cheese though, two completely different things. Science doesn't believe in love. Love doesn't believe in science. And films. They show the good bits of the idea of love. They don't show much of the crying, or the confusion, or even the sensible thinking.' Lily said.

Grace looked thoughtful for a moment, contemplative of what she'd heard.

'It's not all bad.' Lily added quickly, not wanting to instil the complete wrong message in her. She was only young and probably easily influenced, especially by the respectable doctor-babysitter-Mum's friend-grown up that Lily knew she was. There were the lovely times in love that she wanted to tell her of, but decided to keep quiet. She'd would learn of these in her own time. Lily glanced through into the living room and saw the rocking chair. She looked back at Grace and smiled.

'Remind me to stay eleven forever.' Grace rolled her eyes now, and Lily giggled lightly.

'I wish you could. I really do. Still, it's good, being older. You can travel, you can work, you can love, you can learn. Nobody nags you. It is weird though. Sometimes I find myself wishing people would nag me.' Lily said. Grace looked at her as if she were mad, unable to understand the concept.

'You'll get that in a few years.' Lily just smiled.

'You didn't answer my first question. I really do think he likes you.' Grace said.

'Well..' Lily's voice was quiet. 'I think he does too. Sometimes though, people don't have answers.'

Mrs Beauchamp returned at once, walking in unannounced. It was her own home, admittedly, but it took them by surprise.

'Hi..' Lily smiled, looking up at her and then looking back down at Grace's nails, which she was painting a delicate pink shade. Iain entered the kitchen at that moment, and he and Connie exchanged friendly smiles.

'Hi. Oh look, Gracie. That's very kind of Lily.' Connie commented.

'It is not a problem, honestly.' Lily piped up, noticeably picking up her grammar and accent.

'It's a shame you'll have to take them off for school on Monday.' Connie sighed, dumping her bags on the floor by the doorway. She left her heels on, and folded her arms in the doorway.

'Mum! I like them, they're... pretty. Thank you.' Grace examined her nails, giving Lily a wide smile.

'You are very welcome. We had pizza for tea last night, played... um, what's it called.. Scrabble. Grace then went to bed of her own accord, and me and Iain just watched some TV. Woke up at about 7:30 this morning. Made some pancakes. Grace showed us her geography project, and then we painted nails.' Lily smiled at Connie, glancing over at Iain who was crouched stuffing the bedding into the washing machine.

Connie just nodded, almost to hurry her up, not caring for details. 'Well, it sounds as if she's been very busy. Have you been good Grace?'

'Ah, she's been very good. Not a bit of bother.' Iain chimed in.

'Glad to hear it.' Connie addressed her daughter again, giving her a slight smile.

'What did you do?' Lily asked Connie.

'Me? Oh. Conference after conference for all clinical lead staff, I attended about four yesterday. Very dull.' She replied.

'At least you are home now. You will be wanting me and Iain out of your way?' Lily asked, unintentionally making it sound like a question.

'You're welcome to stay for a cup of tea?' Connie offered, but Lily got the impression they'd only be outstaying their welcome.

'It's fine. We'll get off. Iain?' Lily asked, almost expectant.

'Yeah yeah, sure.' Iain picked up their bags after pulling on his trainers.

'Alright. Thank you, see you later.' Connie called.

'Bye! Bye Grace.' Lily and Iain both waved as they walked out the door and down the pathway.

-x-

'So, you're now Childminder Chao. That's a new one, isn't it?' Iain said, squinting in the sun.

'You come out with rubbish.' She replied, as they climbed into his car.

'And so do you. Science hates love, love hates science?' Iain asked.

'You heard?' Lily winced.

'Yeah, pretty much all of it.' He replied, with a chuckle.

'It was science doesn't believe in love, and love doesn't believe in science. They don't hate each other. Hate is a strong word.' Lily said.

'Alright, Mrs Pedantic.' Iain raised an eyebrow. 'I got the gist.'

'I can't believe you heard.' She sighed, with a hint of a smile.

'All I'll say is, maybe I do wear my heart on my sleeve after all.' Iain put the keys in the ignition. 'And, do you know what else?' He asked, as he pulled out of Connie's drive after checking no cars were coming. 'You're quite deep, you, aren't you? Quite the philosopher.'


	27. chapter 27

For the first time in ages, Lily felt refreshed when waking up. The sheets that she felt were her own. Yet, as much as the time alone was much sought for and needed, she found herself feeling rather empty. She could stretch her legs and not knock into him, but it felt weird. She was so used to him being beside her. She leaned for her phone and brought it on top of the covers, checking her messages. One from Iain. Of course there was.

' _Weird you not being at my side. I almost forgot what it felt like to have covers over me.'_

Lily almost giggled reading his message. He'd been up half an hour before she, something which was unusual. He normally loved his sleep.

' _You're up early_.' She hesitated, then tapped send.

' _I am. I'm on an early shift, start in half hour. Would be more worried if I was still in bed! X'_

' _Memory of a sieve, sorry. I start at 10. Hope the morning goes smoothly._ ' Lily sent the message.

' _Thanks. You want to come to mine later?'_

The response read. She couldn't help but sigh. It was doing things to her, seeing him without any real commitment.

' _I think I'm busy, sorry._ ' She replied. She nibbled on a nail. It was a lie, but she had to think.

' _Ah, alright. Anything nice planned? X'_

' _An early night.'_ She replied, and then realised it sounded too blunt. ' _Maybe some other time though.'_ She quickly typed out.

' _Fair enough. I miss you x'_

Lily sighed after reading the message, and put her phone back on the side. Why did he have to make comments like that? They didn't help either of them. Plus, it had only been a couple of days since they'd seen one another. It was clingy of him, but she wasn't averse to a bit of attention. It was probably true. They'd exhausted themselves in each other's company, yet it still didn't feel like enough. She reluctantly stood up out of bed, feeling dizzy instantly. She sighed and pulled open the wardrobe door to see her work uniform, almost waiting expectantly for her. Same old same old. When had the ordinary ever been news? Lily wondered to herself as she pulled on the shirt and skirt. She caught sight of the paperwork on the side that she had a deadline for and let out a groan. No trip to the shops that morning after all.

-x-

'Okay, Mrs Beauchamp? Connie! Can you receive my patient...' Iain's voice ring in Lily's ears. She ran along, all too enthusiastic to oblige, heels squeaking against the floor. The next few seconds were a blur. All she could hear was Iain's voice, reeling words and sounds off, but none of it sounded real. None of it made sense.

' _Li Na Chao, 62, at approximately 11:15 she was found by a member of the public with stab wounds. GCS 10,_ '

The floor seemed to give way and Lily was on the floor. Nobody was taking any notice of her. She didn't care, that was good. The patient needed all the attention always, and crucially, now more than ever.

Lily faintly heard Iain's voice continue to reel off information. She half wondered how it was relevant, but the meaning of the events dazed over. Then, anger. Bubbling up inside her chest. Why hadn't he messaged? Rung? Called?

' _Police are currently dealing with the incident at the scene.'_

Then, someone crouching down. Someone she recognised. They were too close. She needed them to go away.

'Hey, she'll be okay.' He whispered.

'Don't talk to me.' Lily replied, bluntly.

'I know you're hurting, but I want to help-'

'If you wanted to help that much you could have messaged me and let me know.'

'I did!'

'No you didn't...' She wept, tears spilling down her cheeks, her voice almost accusatory.

'Oh, I could have sworn I clicked send...' Iain gave a sigh, after quickly checking his phone and shoving it back into his pocket.

'Just-just... leave me alone.' Lily whispered.

'At least let me walk you to the staffroom? Robyn's in there, I think..'

'I said, go away!' Lily leaned forward to brush him aside and he almost lost his balance, caught off-guard.

'I thought we went through this, don't shut me out. I know it's hard but I want to help you. She'll be okay, she's in the best hands.' Iain tried to comfort her.

'Even _you_ can understand two words. Listen to me, I said go away!'

Iain felt like he'd been punched. He knew she didn't mean it, but her words were poison and they upset him all the same.

'I think you're just looking to pin the blame on someone. Come on, come with me..' He sighed. She shrugged his hand off her shoulder and stayed, knees tucked to her chest, on the floor. Very much like a child. He didn't blame her, she'd heard the worst news and in the worst way.

Peripherally, Iain caught sight of Alicia. He beckoned her, and she quickly came over, also crouching down.

'Lily? I'm so sorry. Look, come with me, I'll make you some tea.' Alicia's voice was quiet and gentle, far removed from how Iain's had sounded. He hadn't realised it, but his panicky tones had made Lily even more agitated. Lily rose slowly upwards, and surprisingly allowed Alicia to guide her to the staffroom. He watched as they walked away from him. Alicia turned round to shoot him a look which he could only imagine was an attempt to reassure. He still felt totally useless - he should have been the one to comfort her. He felt inferior; he'd tried his absolute best but to no avail.

Trying not to take it personally, he turned round and noticed Jez coming out of resus. The younger paramedic gave a slow shake of the head, grimacing. He didn't need to say the words for Iain to know.

'She's arrested.'


	28. chapter 28

Iain's thumb ached, the amount of times he'd replayed the voicemail from her. He knew it off by heart already. The words, spoken in an absent sort of manner yet saturated with emotion were engraved deep within him. He had to swallow the lump wedged in his throat, each and every time he heard it again.

' _Iain_.' A pause. The way she said his name tore his heart into shreds.

He counted the seconds in the pause, it was just over two. An awful silence, and the more he listened, the worse it got. He shut his eyes, a feeble attempt to brace his emotions for the bashing they'd inevitably receive. ' _Oh, Iain._ ' Her voice sounded lost. He knew how the rest of the message went, but he didn't stop it there. He wanted to listen right to the end. Her voice was almost a whisper, sounding even more faint down the speaker in his phone.

' _I...I'm sorry. I-I wept a continent on to your chest last night. You stroked my hair, you held me. Whispered to me through my tears. Promised that everything would be okay, even though we both knew otherwise. I think- this is what it feels like to be breaking. I want you to know that... that I'm sorry. Deeply, truly, sorry Iain. I am a coward and I am hollow. I know it a-and.. and I see it. Still, I am affected by this. Emotionally, deeper than I ever could have imagined. I need some time now to think about what's best. I don't want to hurt you or lash out. Please understand me when I ask you to stay away. Even if it is just for a few days. It is for the best. I... only want the best... for you.. my love.'_

It would cut off then. Iain would think about it again for the literal twelfth time since waking (despite it only being 9:30am). He'd then get up and make a cup of coffee, making sure his hand slipped when pouring the coffee granules in. Needed it strong. He'd leave out the milk - despite normally having it in. He'd think some more about things, eyes glassy, staring out at the rain. Deep down, he couldn't blame her. She'd had a nasty shock and, as next of kin, she had the repercussions awaiting of potentially deciding to switch the life support off.

Either way, Iain could try to appreciate why she wanted him away. Her mind needed to be occupied elsewhere, the pair of them had tendencies to bicker over moral matters, and the list went on - shame though it was. One thing Iain did understand for certain was that he was helpless in the situation. All he wanted to do was fix.

 **Very little update since I had very little time, but it took me a while and I wanted to get it right. Let me know what you think x**

 **( _Due credit to f.d.soul for the poetic bits!)_**


	29. chapter 29

'So, what's happening with it all then?' Gem walked over to the fridge in Iain's flat. He didn't mind, he had taken her out for the day after all. Missed her, wanted to see her, nothing else to do.

'I don't know. Nobody really knows. She's in a coma, Gemma. She might never wake up.' Iain explained, sighing, resting his chin on his fist as he sat on the sofa. There was a sound of liquid pouring, so he spun round to see his sister pouring milk straight into her mouth.

'Gemma! Not from the carton - Christ! Use a glass.' He said, looking with disgust.

She ignored him and continued to drink until she'd finished, screwing the lid back on.

'It's only you that drinks it! Don't have a hissy fit.' Gem replied, not without an eye roll. Iain didn't say what he was thinking, there'd have been no point.

She went to sit opposite him on the sofa.

'Poor Lily. She must be in bits, bless her.' Gem said. Iain just nodded, knowing she was. 'Is she gonna... you know?' Gem asked. He'd well and truly tuned her out by this point. Over the three days, he had no contact with Lily. He'd respected her wishes - of course he wanted to talk, but forcing it on her would probably only serve to push her away. She wanted space, she'd got space. All the same though, he did miss her and wondered if she'd come to any sort of conclusion on what she'd do. If she chose to keep the life support on, he'd stick by her, if she chose to turn it off, he'd stick by her too. He'd be by her side, but not until she reached out.

'Iain!' Gem nudged his foot with hers. He looked up and glared, before sighing and picking up his mug.

'Look, I don't know, alright? I don't know.' He breathed, with a hint of impatience.

'Don't snap!'

'Don't ask stupid questions then!' He saw the look on his sister's face as soon as he made the comment. 'Sorry, I didn't mean that. I've not slept too cracking, bit tired.'

Gem just nodded slowly, still looking slightly offended.

'I've... I've not heard from her... Lily, that is. Li Na, her mum, is on life support at the moment. They need to work out if that's the kindest thing for her, and if they think she'll come round. Lily, as her relative, will have the job of making the decision of whether to turn it off. She's struggling a bit with deciding, wants space.' Iain mumbled the last part.

'I think she should.' Gem nodded. 'What about you?'

'Well, I don't know, Gemma. It's not really about what I think. It never was. But... yeah. I suppose I do too.'

'Is she... like, do they think she'll come round?' Gem asked.

'Again. I've no clue. Haven't been to Holby in a few days, even if I did, I wouldn't get told anything.' Iain sighed.

'I think you should try and talk to Lily.' Gem said.

'She wants space.' Iain looked at his sister as he spoke to her, watching her facial expressions turn from normal to outraged.

'She doesn't know what she wants! Seriously, bro. She'll be hurting, sad. You know her. Even if she asked you at the time and meant it - what if she regrets it now? She wouldn't let her pride suffer, so she'll be trying to cope alone. You care about her, right?' Gem asked.

Iain thought about how much his little sister knew about matters of life, despite the fact she was young and had spent most her life in care or a youth detention centre. She'd hit the nail on the head - he cared. But the voicemail. He couldn't pretend she hadn't sent him that. Lily had made herself clear, wise though Gem was with her advice. He chose to just nod a bit, weakly agreeing with his sister.

'Or, I could talk to her?' Gem suggested.

'No.' Iain didn't even need to register the question before he replied. Gem would make things fifty times worse. 'After everything you've done, I don't think that's the best plan.'

'Iain, please.'

'No, Gemma. I've asked you not to.'

'I could help!' Gem's eyes looked desperate, keen to do anything that could make things better.

'No, don't. Look, I'll think of something, yeah? Don't you worry, you focus on you.' He told her, and got up to answer the door.

Gem didn't miss a beat, and took her chance, lifting his mobile off the table and taking it into the bathroom. She locked herself in in case he was quick and noticed she (or worse, his phone) was missing.

Password. Her birthday. She typed in the numbers quickly and smiled to herself in success. She felt the urge to snoop, but knew there wasn't enough time. She went into contacts, scrolled down and clicked Lily's number. Her hand shook slightly as she put the phone to her ear. Rang once, twice. Gem willed her to pick up. Third time, fourth time, then a crackle down the speakers. 'Lily, Lily, it's me!' Gem whispered.

'Who? Gem, is that you?' Lily asked. Gem turned the volume down on the phone quickly.

'Yeah, don't panic, I've not done a runner. I'm at Iain's. Look, can you come over? Come this afternoon, whenever is fine.' Gem gabbled.

'Where - Iain's? And why?' Lily asked.

Gem heard her brother closing the door to the flat and calling her name.

'I've got to go. Just, make your way over here. I want to talk to you.' Gem put the phone down before she could even hear the response. She just hoped she'd listen to her. She emerged from the bathroom, trying to look as nonchalant as possible.

'There you are!' Iain smiled. 'Sorry, I've just taken a parcel in for Mary downstairs. Had to faff about signing for it and stuff. Hey, listen... I was thinking we could go out for chips or something?'

Blatant ignorance. He didn't have a clue. Mission successful on Gem's part. 'No, let's stay in.' She shook her head quickly. 'Sorry, I'm just not overly hungry. You'd be surprised how much prison muck fills you up!' Gem tried to laugh.

'Right..' Iain nodded, a mixture of unconvinced and disappointed. 'Well, we could watch telly? I'm dying to see another ep of Friends, they're playing repeats.'

'Yeah, sounds good.' Gem smiled warmly, walking over to hug her brother.

'What's all this about?' He gave a surprised laugh, yet hugged her back the same.

'Uh, guess it's just nice. Nice to be with you.' She smiled again.

'Ahh, agreed.' Iain replied, and they went to watch TV.


	30. chapter 30

A knock on the door made Iain jump slightly with surprise.

'Another one? God, how many visitors today?' He grumbled, as he climbed off the sofa. 'Don't you dare eat all the popcorn while I'm up.'

Gem waited with baited breath as he opened the door.

'Lily? Come in, come in. What are you doing here?' He asked.

'Um, Gem..' Lily gestured to his sister on the sofa, shyly.

Iain turned to give Gem a look. 'What did I say about not bothering her, Gemma?' He asked.

'Stop calling me that, it's Gem.' The teenager looked sulky.

'I don't care what it is!' He sighed, but realised there was nothing he could do since Lily was there now.

'Come in, if you want to be here.' Iain said, reluctantly.

'Ignore him, he's just being miserable.' Gem jumped up, taking Lily's jacket and hanging it up. 'Tea, or coffee? Or something cold?'

'Whose flat is it again?' Iain asked, with a dirty look.

'I'm only trying to be polite, which is more than can be said for you!' Gem was already in the kitchen.

'Just a water, please.' Lily piped up.

Iain turned and gave Lily an apologetic look. 'Don't mind her. How are you?' He asked, his voice much gentler now.

'I'm...' Her voice sounded fragile and lost. She just shrugged, managing to meet his eyes while blinking back the tears in hers.

Iain said nothing, but held his arms open. Lily didn't need to be asked twice.

Gem walked back in, glass of water in hand. 'Ooh. I'll just..' She placed it on the coaster noisily, making a point.

The pair broke apart, if a little reluctantly. All three sat on the sofa. Iain mimed at Lily 'sorry', though neither really knew what for. Sorry for what? Breaking apart? Things getting in the way? The whole sorry, sad situation?

'I thought you might want to talk, Lily.' Gem said. There was obvious tension in the air.

'That's very kind of you.' She just replied, if a little quietly.

'Don't put her on the spot.' Iain told his sister.

'She's not, it's.. fine.' Lily nodded, as convincingly as possible.

'Iain... I sort of wanted to talk to Lily in private...' Gem begun.

Iain looked from his sister to Lily, and saw the blank expression on both their faces.

'I'll leave you ladies to it then, be back in half an hour or something.' Iain nodded.

Lily gave him a look as if to ask him to stay, but he took his coat and left the flat anyway.

'That's the thing about Iain. He gets in the way sometimes.' Gem rolled her eyes, whilst tucking her knees to her chest. She and Lily had been alone in the flat nearly half an hour, and Lily had happened to mention how he was due back soon. The girls had spent the entire time talking about everything but Lily's mother - it just hadn't come up. 'By the way, he.. he told me what happened. I'm so sorry, Lily. It's.. it's awful.' Gem shuddered now. Lily just sat, inspecting her nails. 'Have you thought about what you're doing yet?'

Lily winced at the zero sensitivity shown by Gem.

'No..' She sighed. 'I have no clue.'

'You probably need to think. It's not like they'll just keep her on life support indefinitely, will they? They'll need the bed.' Gem said, looking at the ceiling in thought.

Her comment had sent Lily over the edge though, and she begun to cry softly, leaping up to go and get a tissue.

'Lily, I didn't mean to upset you or owt!' Gem shouted, obviously panicky. Almost as if on cue, Iain walked back in. He instantly clocked his sister's face and his own face hardened.

'What's happened?' He asked. No reply. 'Gemma! What's happened?' He was nearly shouting. Still, no reply. 'Lily?' Iain called. Again, no reply. He turned round and caught sight of Lily's shoes, which were still sitting by the door. They were both at the flat, and something was wrong. 'Well, if someone could tell me what's going on, I'd really appreciate it?!' Iain's voice faltered slightly. Silence. Iain scoffed and strode over to the bathroom door. Bathrooms were infamous places for going when you were sad. Iain knew this. His mum would always go there when her many boyfriends had hurt her or left, he remembered right from being a boy. Gem would too, although he suspected this was just mimicking behaviour. Rita had done. He wondered, just a little bit, if Lily Chao had done the same and fallen into the time-old cliché.

His hand made contact with the heavy wood. 'It's me.' He wasn't in the mood for playing silly games. 'Lily-'

The door slowly opened and he took one look at her face, then slowly turned to Gemma. His eyes bore into her, which made her sheepishly look down. 'I was only trying to talk to her.' Gem said, in a small voice.

'Nice move.' Iain just shook his head, before stepping out of Gemma's eye line into the bathroom. 'Shh, Lily... please, don't cry.' He held her against him again until the tears had subsided.

'Don't blame your sister.' Lily just whispered.

'No, I'm not having her upsetting people, Lily. She needs to know boundaries.'

'Don't treat her like a child, I've just overreacted.' Lily sniffed, wiping her eyes and nose on the square of loo roll she'd snapped off.

'I'm sticking up for you, here. Or trying to anyway.' He just sighed.

'Don't be cross at me..' She whispered.

'I'm not, darling.' He brought his lips to her forehead, pressing against it gently whilst wondering how she could ever be so deluded as to think he was angry. He could never be angry with her, or even come close to that. 'I'm really not.'

-x-

Iain had driven Gem back, handed her over to the staff and left without another word. They'd said few things to each other on the way back. Iain didn't want to talk to her. He would lose his cool, and he didn't want to say something he regretted. Ending things on a bad note wasn't great, but he had bigger worries on his mind, and he knew he could make amends the following week when the dust had settled.

He'd returned back to the flat to find Lily on the sofa, where they'd left her. She seemed rooted to the chair, eyes glassy, sitting rigidly. Not relaxed at all. His concerns weren't in any way dampened by her state - she looked exhausted and broken and that alone had the sheer potential to break him. She'd probably stay the night. He didn't really want to be on looking after Lily duty, but it was for the best. He would worry all night if she had gone home. This way, he at least knew that she was fine. Well. As fine as she could be expected to be in the circumstances.

After a while, he positioned himself on the sofa at her side and whispered 'Lily? I know this hurts... but what _are_ you going to do?'

 **Thanks for all your lovely comments and messages guys. What do we think Lily will do??**


	31. chapter 31

'Yes. I understand. Thank you. I will be down within the hour.' Lily put the phone down and was met with Iain's expectant look.

'So?' He asked.

'She's... come round. They've brought her round. I...' Lily looked dazed as she sat back at the breakfast table.

'But... but the wounds damaged the nerves, the suspected brain injury, the coma, the..' Iain started.

'I know, I know..' She whispered quietly. 'There are some real miracles in medicine.'

'That's great news. The outlook before was really... well, it was bad..' Iain said.

'She is not out of the woods yet. Now she's gaining consciousness, they will probably transport her to a hospital in her local area for convenience. She will have to have physiotherapy I am sure. I will visit her, but she needs to go back down to my aunt and cousins.' Lily explained.

'Go back down? Doesn't she live near here? We brought her in to this hospital.' He said, puzzled.

'She lives about an hour or two away. She was probably coming down to visit. I don't know what happened from there...' Lily said, looking down.

'Ah, right, I see. You said on the phone you were popping down? Want me to come?' He asked.

'I'd like that. Thank you.' Lily just nodded.

'I'm really relieved, Lily. It's been an awful week. Finally, some good news.' He told her.

'I know. I nearly.. lost her.' Lily's voice caught in the back of her throat.

'Nearly.. but you didn't.' He offered a small smile, nudging the cup of tea in her direction.

-x-

'Hello, mother.' Lily walked into the room. It was an unfamiliar ward - she'd only been on it a few times in her few years at the hospital. It was less homely, much more clinical and cold.

'Lily..' Li Na whispered.

'Yes, that's right...' Lily replied, pleased her mother had recognised her. Even though she was a doctor, seeing all the tubes sticking in the skin of her relative was alarming and made her feel uncomfortable.

'And.. Feng?' The woman whispered. Iain glanced at Lily, assuming this was her dad. 'No, mother. This is... Iain.' Lily looked from Iain to her, with a small smile.

'Iain?' The woman repeated, checking she'd heard right.

'Yeah. Iain.' Lily just answered, quietly.

'Uh.. nice to meet you.' Iain said, with a nod.

Li Na looked from Iain, to Lily, then back to Iain and back to her daughter. It was almost as if she'd put the pieces together. Lily held her breath. Despite her mother's condition, she didn't want any judgements being passed. Her father would not have approved. She didn't want to be embarrassed.

'Wǒ hěn gāoxìng rènshí nǐ,' Lily's mother managed to utter. It was quiet, and Lily had to think for a moment to process the information. Iain just looked completely baffled.

'Speak in English, Mum.' Lily gave a shake of the head. 'She's pleased to meet you.' Lily told Iain.

The atmosphere instantly seemed to relax, as Iain smiled back. 'Well, it's lovely to meet you.' His eyes hovered from the woman to Lily, almost seeking approval, but Lily's eyes were fixed on her mother. He looked back towards Li Na. She was lots like Lily: slight, same dark hair, same sparkle in her eye, same lines when she smiled. He liked her, and better still, she seemed to like him.

'What happened? How did this happen?' Lily took her mother's hand in her own.

'That is a tale for another time..' She whispered, coughing slightly. Lily leaned over and gently moved the oxygen mask upwards, fiddling with the wires a bit.

'Lily, you shouldn't..' Iain started.

'So what, I'm a doctor..' Lily hissed, still trying to sort the machinery.

'But you're not her doctor. Alright? Buzz for someone if you've got to.' He told her.

Lily just frowned at him, yet she sat back down onto the orange plastic chair.

'It's not a tale for another time, it is a tale for now.' Lily insisted.

'No, Lily.' Li Na grew visibly upset.

Iain could see the clash of personalities a mile off. They were both as obstinate as each other - of course they wouldn't back down.

'Lily, leave it, eh.' He intervened with a gentle tone.

'No, Iain. Be quiet.' Lily snapped in response. The room felt quiet, but for the beeps of monitors. She gulped, realising she'd been harsher than she meant to be. 'It's important that you tell.' Lily squeezed her hand now. 'The police will need to know.'

'But I am fine.' Li Na's expression was thundery, unbudging.

'How could you be so small-minded? What if someone else falls victim to an attack? Don't be so selfish. If you won't get justice for you, then get it for others. This is important. What do you think my father would-' Lily began to get flustered, losing her cool quickly.

'Lily! That's enough..' Iain's voice urged her to stop, so she did, dropping her eyes to the floor. Tears started to form in Li Na's eyes; she tried to brush them away but not before both Lily and Iain had seen.

'I need some air.' Lily announced, leaving her chair quickly and making her way to the door. Iain noticed she sounded teary herself, and thought it best she left the room for a bit. In any other circumstance, being alone with your not-even-girlfriend's mum would be weird. Right now though, he recognised that she was vulnerable. To Iain, relation didn't matter. A person was a person and he hated people being sad.

-x-

'Take no notice, she's Lily, isn't she?' Iain just sighed, not without feeling a twinge of guilt for badmouthing her.

'Ah, she has always been similar. Right from as soon as she could speak. She is quite cold. Almost... emotionless. Her father too. Perhaps she is like him in more way than she care to admit.' Li Na blinked up at Iain.

'Maybe. Don't tell her that though, she wouldn't like to hear it.' Iain said.

'What has she said about him?' Li Na didn't miss a beat.

'Oh, no, I didn't mean... I've really put my foot in it now, haven't I? I just mean...'

'It is fine, if Lily tell you, then she has every right.' Li Na squeezed her eyes closed, putting her head firmly back on the pillow. 'But what is this you speak of feet?'

Iain couldn't help but smile then. 'Never mind that. Look, I'm not good with words of comfort. If I can offer you anything though, it's support. I know.. reliving it might hurt. As much as Lily doesn't always go about things right, she does have a point. It will help if the police know. There's no rush though. You take your time.' He gave her a smile, feeling sympathy towards the woman.

He flinched slightly with surprise when she reached for his hand, squeezing it. Nevertheless he squeezed back. 'You.. are wise.' Li Na whispered.

'Wise?' Iain gave a chuckle.

'Yes, wise. You.. good for my Lily. You would help her.'

'Again, try telling her that.' Iain said, shaking his head slightly, wondering what she was getting up to.

'She would not have brought you here if she did not want to do you the honour.' Li Na explained, looking into Iain's eyes.

He just smiled then. The meaning of her words was slightly lost in translation (her English was good, but nowhere near like Lily's) but he got the gist of the general message.

'Ah, well.. that's kind.' Iain nodded.

'I speak the truth. Something is telling me.. I recognise you? We've met before? Li Na asked.

Iain thought for a moment. 'I brought you in.' He nodded.

'So, you are paramedic?' She asked.

Iain nodded again, feeling slightly inferior of the expectations he'd presumed her to have, despite how nice she'd been.

'Yeah. I could've tried harder in school. Looking at things though, I like being on the front line. Where the action is. And, I get to meet patients. Patients like yourself.' He told her.

'Wise and charming. Lily is many a thing, but she is not stupid. She will have recognised this in you. I really am glad to have met you.' Li Na smiled warmly.

'She's certainly not stupid, she's wonderful.' Iain agreed. 'She cares about you, I know that. She's been worried sick this week.'

'My child. She has a lot of love to give, that, I am sure of. I am not exactly expert in love myself, but I know the look of love when I see it.' She told him, looking a little sad. Iain nodded. He didn't want to press about Feng. He'd already heard enough from Lily to form his own conclusions on the kind of man he was.

'Here she comes, anyway.' Li Na said, glancing out the window. Sure enough, Lily was approaching the room, armed with drinks and paper bags full of baked goods.

No sooner had she walked through the door, the words 'peace offering' reached Iain and Li Na's ears. Lily's eyes skirted over the bed, seeing her mother and Iain hand in hand. A small smile crept across her lips, though she didn't pass comment.

'These are for making things tense, and walking off. I had no right. I spoke with your doctor, mother, and you can eat small amounts. Then, I hope we can talk properly. So. Not much, but, enjoy.' Lily addressed the both of them equally, handing the snacks over.

'Funny, I'm getting a bit of deja vu,' Iain raised his eyebrows as he unpeeled the muffin from the wrapper and balanced the paper coffee cup on his knee.

'Sorry, was that a complaint?' Lily cupped her ear.

'Never.' Iain managed a small wink at her, as she tutted and turned back to her mother, still smiling. Li Na bounced the smile right back.


	32. chapter 32

Without so much as knocking, Lily sauntered into the flat, catching him off guard.

He'd noticed her, and looked up with a smirk. 'Forgotten how to knock?'

'You were expecting me.' Lily just answered, certain of herself. She hung her own coat up and took off her shoes.

'Make yourself right at home...' He gave a laugh.

'I'll just put my shoes back on then.' Lily's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

'Well, you're on fine form.' He raised an eyebrow, brushing past her and entering the kitchen to stir the pan. She followed, lingering in the doorway.

'I always am,' Lily replied, a hint of suggestiveness managing to carry in her tone.

He turned, supporting himself by leaning against the counter. 'You look beautiful, anyway.' He told her, serious now.

Lily giggled, blushing slightly. 'Don't, Iain, you're making me embarrassed.'

'Well, you do!' He said, voice higher now.

'Thank you.' She nodded, and they locked eyes for a few seconds. His eyes flickered downwards after a few seconds, feeling awkward. He turned back round to face the cooker, stirring the pan again, absent-mindedly and perhaps too much. The silence was becoming unbearable, so both of them opened their mouth to speak. 'Sorry, you go.' Lily said.

'No no, go on.' He was insistent.

'Was just going to ask what you were making..' Lily's voice trailed off as she stretched over his shoulder to see the contents of the pan.

'I know it looks bad, but... it's nice in wraps.' Iain explained.

'That is often the way...' Lily started.

'What?'

'You know, when things look nice they're often awful, and when things look awful, they're often nice...'

'Thanks for agreeing with me Lily, I really appreciate that vote of confidence.' He put his thumb up, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, laughing.

'No, I was trying to reassure you!'

'I know, I'm only kidding.' He transferred spoonfuls of the concoction into little dishes.

'What were you going to say?' She asked. 'Didn't mean to override you.'

'Don't be daft. Uh... I was just going to ask about your mum. Did she get back down south alright?' He asked.

'Yeah.' Lily nodded, quietly. 'From what I can gather. My aunt is caring for her, taken time off from the restaurant. I'll go and visit in the week probably.' She said.

'You do right. The poor love. Still, she's cracking, isn't she? Your mum?'

'Well...' Lily sounded hesitant. 'She certainly likes you. Pestering me over the phone..' Lily made a point of pulling her phone out and scrolling to find the messages. He leaned and looked over her shoulder, trying to read them.

'I'll have to take your word for it then.' He chuckled, after a second or so of Lily showing him the phone. She looked at him blankly for a second. His eyes widened, amused that she hadn't realised. 'Unless I learn Chinese.'

Lily scanned over the messages and gave a laugh. 'Oh, no way. I'm sorry.'

'Nah, nah. You speak how you want... in whatever way you want. I trust it's not some secret code for all the things you don't like about me.' He shrugged.

Lily giggled again. 'Shall I translate?'

'If you so wish.'

'Okay. My mum says, Iain is a nice for you... he was friendly and sociable with me when you were gone...give him... my love...' Lily read, slowly and deliberately, with the fluency (or lack thereof) of a child in their first year of school. The translation, symbol into letter into meaning, was clearly taxing her. 'And then... oh, I can't read that.' She laughed.

'See! Knew you'd have something to say somewhere. That'll be the bit where you call me a prat and disagree with everything your mum, God bless her, says?' He sprayed the countertops with disinfectant, wiping a cloth over them quickly.

'No, it's just... I don't even think I know a translation.' She explained.

'You're clever, overcome the obstacle.' He winked now, letting her know everything was in jest.

'Fine.' She huffed. 'It is something like... are the pair of you dating..'

Iain coughed a little. 'You replied?'

'I changed the subject.' Lily raised an eyebrow, folding the tortilla carefully and with precision.

'I guess, to outsiders, it looks like it.' He said.

'I don't think everyone at work is on to us though.' She said.

'Yeah, your mum is though. Louise definitely is, same for Max, Ethan, Alicia. Jez. It wouldn't be a shock, I don't think.'

'Perhaps you're right.' She fell quiet.

'Um.. if you want to be, you know? Maybe we could just play it by ear. See how we feel in a few weeks' time?' He suggested.

Lily just nodded, chewing the food thoughtfully.

'You deserve something better than a friends with benefits set up, which is basically what we have at the moment. Alright? I'm going to stop banging on about it though. This is going to seem like an awful change of subject, but it has to be said - my food is amazing.' He said.

'Calling it out makes it a hundred times worse. I might not have noticed otherwise! But yes, it is good. Almost as good as your toast. My analogy was right though, it still looks bad. Not Instagram worthy, I'm afraid.' She smiled now, cheekily.

He scrunched up his face, then smiled right back.

-x-

'Candles are nice...' Lily said, picking one up and inspecting it. 'I appreciate the effort but they're dangerous and unnecessary... many a housefire is started by candles, did you know?'

Iain chuckled. 'No, I didn't know. I do now though. Would you be more comfortable if I blew them out?'

'Hm, no. Are these scented?' She asked.

'Scented? No! They're plain.' Iain reacted as if she'd insulted him.

'I smell...' Lily paused. 'Vanilla? Let me see.' She bent down, squinting at the label before he could stop her.

'I said, they're not!' He was indignant, but she beat him to it.

'Haha! They are.' She said.

'So what?' He resorted to being defensive, the only thing he could do.

'No... it's just you have a surprisingly large number of candles - scented, may I add - for a supposedly heterosexual male.' Lily just raised an eyebrow.

He snorted. 'I'll prove my masculinity to you later.'

'Well, I mean.. you have candles if you want, it's none of my-' Lily was interrupted when he started to tickle her.

'Stop!' She managed to choke, and he did, momentarily. Eventually, he was too tired to go on, and relaxed, collapsing on to the sofa.

'I found a grey hair earlier..' He announced.

'I'll sleep better for knowing that.' She sighed, but propped her feet up over his outstretched leg.

'I'm just saying. I reckon you're one of the attributing factors to my early aging.'

'Early aging?! Stop moaning!' Lily exclaimed, outraged. 'I found a grey hair when I was 13. You're lucky you've made it to 33.'

'I snapped it out.' He said.

'You're not meant to, it'll grow back, and you'll probably have more.' She warned.

'Good, bring it all on.' He gave a laugh, then yawned loudly.

''You should have cut it out...' She went on.

'And hacked out a great big lock of hair in the process of? Oh yeah, great plan.' He rolled his eyes, then smiled when he saw her looking.

'You are so image conscious. Even with a tuft missing, you'd still be beautiful..' She stroked his chin, jokingly.

'Thanks. I guess.'

They sat quietly for a while, Lily tapping her foot against the sofa.

'Give it up, will you?' He asked. She looked blankly at him. 'The fidgeting!' He shook his head.

'I feel like there's something missing..' She whined.

'What else could you possibly want?' Iain gestured to himself with a smile, which she ignored. 'Something is definitely missing...' She mused. A pause. 'Wine!' A smile played on her lips, and Iain found it amusing how in the moment she'd managed to acquire so much delight - it was childlike yet cute and he liked her even more for it.

She came back, enthusiastically, flourishing a bottle of wine.

'Again, helped yourself?' Iain smirked.

'No, I'm doing you a favour drinking this.' She batted her eyes at him, intentionally being silly.

'Oh, are you?' He laughed, reaching up to the cabinet and setting out two glasses on the coffee table in front of him. 'Do your worst.' He smiled wryly, thinking of the sore heads they'd have plaguing them through their entire shift tomorrow.

A couple of glasses of wine had given both Lily and Iain the energy to talk about anything and everything. They'd spoken about cars, their childhood, the weather, seasons, Christmas traditions, favourite foods, animals, colours. It was getting quite silly, and neither of them really cared about the subject matter. The single nice thing about the interaction was that they learned more about each other, found out what made the other tick. And, above all, they got to spend time together, which was secretly sought by them both in equal measures.

'So, significant boyfriends of yours, go.' Iain said.

'Really?' Lily sighed, wriggled her toes and tilted her head back. 'First one. Jason. I was nearly 14, he was 16.' She begun. He listened, sipping the wine. 'I was easily influenced. He was popular, had an attitude of not caring about his work.. or anyone else, for that matter.' She explained.

'Bet your dad loved that..' Iain took another sip.

'You don't say..' She rolled her eyes. 'My dad only met him once, and he made it quite clear that I'd be severely punished if I saw him again. Anyway, that aside. We'd gone to a party. I was his plus one, and I lied to my parents and told them I was going to this girl's house. They would never have let me go otherwise, and I needed to do it. To.. I don't know.. prove to myself I was big enough and cool enough. To prove it to everyone else too. Basically, I succumbed to peer pressure. It was all fine, till at that particular party, all the older ones were doing spin the bottle. Roped me into it, but I was far too little. Looking back, they sort of ridiculed me. They thought it would be funny to land it on him and another girl. He kissed this other girl, right in front of my eyes...'

'Oh, Lily.' Iain sighed.

'It's fine, I'm not bothered anymore. That was ages ago. He now works in his father's pub, single father himself to a young boy who'll lead the same substandard life as his father. It's sad, but it's life. I wish him well, I don't hold grudges. Plus, I didn't have to lie to my parents from that date. A weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I got over it.' She shrugged.

A smile flickered across his lips. He admired her. He loved her mind. Couldn't believe anyone who'd been so stupid as to not recognise her beauty for what it was.

'Throughout high school and college, I pretty much stayed on the sidelines. Knuckled down, did my work, got my grades. Not like I had a choice.' She muttered the last part. 'Then uni. Beautiful Cameron. He was so lovely, Iain. Everything you could wish for, hope for. He treated me like a princess, got me flowers, was the loveliest. I really liked him. He moved away though, medicine wasn't for him. I couldn't be dealing with anything long distance, so we drifted. I was 19. I cried, but chocolate and textbooks managed to pull me through it.'

Iain smiled again, still listening well.

'A fling with a third year med student, when I was in second year. Lasted about a week. Then, found out through some other source that he was gay. That wasn't the best.' She shook her head.

'I can imagine.' Iain nodded.

'Then no one, till I graduated. I met Cal, we slept together a few times. Again, we just weren't compatible. He loved me though, and I loved him. As friends, really. We sort of always did.' Lily sniffed, sipping the wine again. Iain guessed Cal was a difficult topic.

'Then, Archie. Self-righteous medic who thought he had power over me. Treated me somewhat like a doll, or a little girl, or somewhere in between. He didn't respect me. I never slept with him. We just had a few drinks. I got the sense he was a little controlling anyway.'

'Yeah, dodged a bullet.' Iain nodded, eyes now glazed over.

'And then... you.' Lily dared herself to say. Iain snapped out of his trance, and managed to meet her eyes with a smile. 'What about you, though?'

'It would take too long, and I'm not elaborating. To put it quickly, Anna, Kate, Leanne, Sam, Rita. All didn't work out for their various reasons. I'll bore you with details some other time. I don't think about them any more. If I did, I wouldn't be here.' He smiled. 'We are counting relationships, not people you've slept with, right?' He checked.

'God, yes! Just relationships.' She rolled her eyes, draining the last of the wine from the glass.

Iain laughed then. 'Our Chuckles is cheekier than one might think.'

'Oh, I can be really cheeky.' She said, almost decisively.

'Well. Wine definitely gives you your confidence, my darling.'

She smiled, and leaned for the bottle, pouring more in both their glasses. 'I'm happy though.'

'Yeah. So am I.'

 **So, this took ages, please let me know what you think if you have the time! I've not reread it or anything since I wrote it - bad habits, I know - but I wanted to get it up as the idea was there :)**


	33. chapter 33

**Guest: Thank you lovely! I liked that one too. Hopefully you'll like this one, though it is a bit of a filler. Means a lot that you're reading and enjoying x**

 **TheBeautifulNerd: Me too! It's so good when she does. Thank you for your comments and messages they're always so appreciated x**

As he sprawled across the sofa, Iain thought about the evening. It had been lovely and relaxed, everything he'd hoped for it to be. His head still felt a bit foggy, but the effect of the wine had worn off slightly and things were certainly clearer than they had been a few hours earlier.

His mind wandered back to her, though of course it would, it rarely strayed from her anyway. She had been what felt like forever in the bathroom, and he'd hoped she was okay. For all he knew, she could easily have pulled another falling asleep in the bathroom stunt.

Just as he was about to stand up and check, she emerged. Blankets, towels and a bag of pegs were bundled into her arms; he could see nothing but a few stands of hair at the top. It was a comical sight.

'Lily... what?' He managed to ask, bemused.

'Ah. You wait and see.' She replied, shortly.

'Don't say it like it's a game..' He gave a laugh.

'Why? It's fun.' She dropped them on the floor and picked a towel up, holding it by its corners.

'How in any way is this fun? By the look of things, you're doing midnight laundry.'

'No,' She answered. 'I'm making a den.' She took the coffee table and upended it, single-handedly and before Iain's eyes, and then draped the first towel over it.

He just stood and watched, dumbfounded by her actions. She continued and then glanced up.

'Are you going to help or are you content with standing there like a lemon? Come on! Where's your sense of fun?' She asked, sensing his hesitation.

'Why are you doing this when it's 11:45 at night? Are you sure this is your best plan?' He asked, dubious.

'Positive. It is, in fact, one of my better plans.' She replied, decisively. Iain's eyes hovered from her, to the empty wine bottle, back to the construction she'd managed to build.

'It's glaringly obvious you've had one too many a drink.' He told her, with a sigh.

'I haven't..' She whined. 'Don't be boring.'

'This is most unlike you.' He said, still sounding cautious. He watched with fascination as she continued to assemble the materials, pegging them together. 'So I know it's a den, but what is it for?'

'Um, hello?' She raised her eyebrows at him.

'Right.. so you've built a den to have sex in..' He lifted back a corner of a blanket, inspecting it. 'And you want me to help? At this time of night? And what about work?'

'Is that all you ever think about? I'm building it so we can watch films, chat.. Almost have a camp out, but minus the flies and bugs. Work remains unaffected. I am surprised. I thought you'd be down for it.' She sounded the slightest bit annoyed. He suddenly realised that if it meant getting on, and not ruining an evening, he'd have to go along with it and quickly.

He forced a smile. 'I suppose it could be fun.' After watching her eyes light up at his submission, he instantly felt warm. If she was happy, he was happy. Even if it meant pretending until the idea genuinely sat with him.

-x-

'Can we discuss something other than parents?' Lily propped herself up on one arm, cushioned by the cocoon of cushions surrounding the pair of them.

'Well, yeah. But while there's more to know, I want to know it.' He tucked a strand of her hair that fell into her face behind her ear with a gentle movement, then stretched his legs, forgetting about the lamp that was propped up in the entrance to the den. Having no fairy lights at his place, Lily had improvised for lighting, though it wasn't ideal. The lamp fell over onto the carpet with a thud, so he leaned to pick it up and settled back down again. All the while, Lily mulled over her response.

'From the beginning?' She asked.

'Mm-hm.'

'I was born in Hong Kong, in a little town called Shek O - lovely, a seaside town. Sparsely populated. My mother grew up there, while my father had moved over from China. I imagine he was visiting when he met my mother. They were 32 when they married and had a child.' Lily explained.

'You..' Iain said.

'Yeah, me.' Lily gave him a small smile. 'I was born six weeks prematurely. My parents were very protective over me in my first years. I can't comment on how they brought me up as a baby.. I do not remember, and I never asked.'

Iain continued to listen, noticing she looked a little sad.

'I start to remember things from around age 2. That's quite good, as far as memories go. My parents...' Lily started, then looked down.

'You don't have to tell me if it's too hard.' Iain said, softly.

'No..' Lily whispered. 'Father was from an affluent background, hence he wanted a similar lifestyle for me. He had a job as a lawyer - what we'd call a "lüshi". He had worked hard. Mother didn't work, and her background was so contrasting to that. She'd grown up with only one sister - my aunt Mei. She was a year older than mother. Their mother - my grandmother - wasn't exactly the best. She didn't neglect them, but mother has told me how she'd leave them to go play on the beach for hours, not supervise them or anything. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, my father was better off than my mother at the time.' Lily rambled on a bit, but Iain was appreciative of the detail she gave.

He realised it suddenly didn't matter that he'd have bags under his eyes come the morning.

'Being quite a... confident character, he sometimes asserted himself when he shouldn't have done. I knew this. I knew it all along. I was five years old when he quit law and left the profession. I still, to this day, don't know what went wrong. He was dealing with this case about hospitals. He was arguing, trying to prosecute a department I believe. One particular member of staff kept getting involved, coming round to our house at weekends and late hours. Even at a young age, I knew this angered my father. He would shout at this woman, simply because she was trying to settle things out of court. He was stressed. He turned violent towards my mother and me. One day.. I remember it so vividly. I was playing in the garden - it was stifling hot, like our town is in the summer months - and I was looking for insects in the long grass. My father drove home. He didn't think I saw him climb out the car, but I peeped from behind a tree and he had red stains on his shirt and his hands.' Lily's voice was faint now, a whisper.

'Oh my God..'

'I know, I know.' Lily mumbled.

'Your memory is so clear and detailed, but...' A lump formed in his throat. 'You think that's how he settled the case then?' Iain asked grimly.

A pause. 'Yes, I do.'

'Did your mum ever find out?' Iain asked.

'I honestly don't know if she did see him or not, before he managed to get clean. Either way. If she had, she would have kept his secret. She would have been too scared he would hurt her too. He.. he often did.' She explained.

'That is sick. When I said tell me about your parents, I.. I didn't expect that.' He said.

'It's fine.' She answered.

'Is it?' He questioned, with a sigh.

'No, obviously not. But he's dead and the woman either died that day or died later on. I think that's maybe why.. maybe why he wanted me to be a doctor.' Lily whispered.

'I don't follow.'

'Because he felt bad for that woman. He was, at heart, a good man. Just twisted at the time. I'm not defending him, Iain, but he wasn't terrible. He made a mistake. He wasn't capable of murder, not really. I think he felt like by pushing me down the medicine route, he was putting back a doctor into the world where one left too early.' She blinked, looking up at the sagging excuse of a roof.

'That's really insightful, Lils.'

Her hand found his.

He rubbed her thumb gently, suddenly understanding her and all her reservations a lot better. It was lucky - she was lucky - that she hadn't been scarred for life.

'So, anyway. We moved to England a year later, I would have been about six and a half. My mother started up a family restaurant, which me and my dad both helped in when we could. It was our source of money. My father never went back into law; he helped my mum at night and taught me in the day. I didn't go to proper primary school - I was home educated. I didn't form relationships with other children until I went to middle school, aged 9. The only company I had was my next door neighbours, who had two boys who were my age and a year older. Even then. My mother would let me play with them when my father went out, but as soon as he came back, I had to be inside with an arithmetic book. Quite damaging... and quite lonely.' She said. 'I had to do his lessons. Had to perform. I'd be punished if not. He hit me, and he hit my mother too. Sometimes I'd hear her crying. He'd buy her flowers as a half-hearted apology, then go down the pub and do it again when he felt like it.'

'I'll tell you something, even though it probably won't make you feel any better. If that vile excuse of a man and father were still alive, I would have him here and now.' Iain shook his head, angry that she'd endured years of him.

'See, he wasn't all bad. Sure, he was controlling, he got especially bad when I met Jason - though I won't mention him again. He was certainly better when I was around 17/18. When I got into medical school, it was almost like he was a changed man. Like his mission was complete, sort of thing. He was friendly and happy. I'd have breakfast with him every Saturday morning, waffles usually. We would chat. He really took an interest in me. He was there for me when I broke up with my boyfriend of the time. I really thought he cared. Just for once, the relationship I shared with him as a child didn't seem to matter. It was the past. He mellowed and became nicer to my mother too. They would go on dates, often at our own restaurant.' Lily smiled now. Iain smiled too, if a little cautiously, because of everything else he'd heard.

'He was proud of me on graduation day, although he kept going off a bit. I caught him crying one evening, sitting outside on our porch. He said they were happy tears, but I couldn't help but think it was for that woman.' She whispered, still squeezing Iain's hand.

'And then my F1 year. I was a bit squeamish and fainted a lot, being a doctor was so new and foreign to me. It was a dream I'd always had - or always believed I'd had - but it still felt unnatural. I was scared; real people were trusting me with their lives and that responsibility was too great. Bearing in mind that I was so tired and stressed with my workload, I was beginning to get delusional. I saw someone in the paediatric operating theatre with blood on their hands and I had the most dreadful flashback. I cried and went home. Connie was annoyed with me for weeks. Every nightmare, that woman's face would pop into my mind. I began to think I was going crazy - I was only five when I saw it happen, and I couldn't be sure it wasn't a horribly bad dream.' Lily whispered. She paused, then cleared her throat. 'Also, all this is for your ears only. I am opening up, and these are my deepest darkest secrets.' She told him.

'I wouldn't dream of telling anyone.' He whispered back. It was all he could think to say.

'So, I got over it. I found coping mechanisms and I got over it. I don't think my father being in my life helped, to be honest. Sure I forgave him, for how he was when I was a child. That's why I spent so many years enjoying his company, and so long grieving after he died. For a year or so, I felt as if I owed it to him to become a consultant and to do as well as I could do. I resented him and felt guilty for that once he'd passed, so I thought it was the least I could do - if that makes sense?' Lily twined her fingers with Iain's more tightly.

'You've helped me realise that I owe nothing to anyone but myself. And, I've had time to reflect this week. My mother allowed her life to be dominated by him. She obeyed him in life and so did I, but I won't be obeying him in his death. I forgive him, but it is not ruling me.' She said, emphasis on the last few words.

There was a silence for a few seconds. 'I have so much respect for you.' He put his lips to her forehead gently. 'I promise you that from now on, I will come between you... and _anything_ that tries to hurt you.' They continued to squeeze hands.

'Tell me about your mum.' She whispered, flicking the lamp off so they were lying in the darkness.

'Uh.. well. My mum, God bless her, has always loved a drink. You know that, with the sclerosis and stuff.' He told her. She nodded, although soon realised he wouldn't see. She opted to cuddle up to his chest instead, with a quick 'mm' to let him know she was paying attention.

'My dad cleared off, which wasn't exactly good of him. She did a pretty good job of playing both mum and dad. She had two jobs - a cleaner at my school and worked in the pub on nights, just to make ends meet. I never wanted for anything. Always had food, clothing. She'd go off to beer gardens in the summer and wheel me down in my buggy. There's a picture of me somewhere kicking my legs, happy as larry, stuffing crisps in my mouth. Cheese and onion, probably. That and a fruit drink kept me occupied.'

Lily gave a chuckle. 'The ones with all the chemicals in? Aspartame-ridden?' She asked.

'You might as well be talking in Russian. But yeah, something like that. They tasted amazing though, E numbers and all.' He told her, shuffling and putting his hand on her back. 'So, as I said. Everything went pretty smoothly, to be fair. School was school, I hated it but I made some mates. I liked having a kick around on the fields too. I was 14 when Gemma was born. Unintentional pregnancy, of course. My mum actually stepped up though and looked after her well. She still had to work, so I did my fair share of babysitting. I hated the nappies and the feeding, but everything else was a doddle. She was an easy baby, our Gemma. God knows what went wrong.' He said. 'So yeah. Everything was fine till the power went one night when my mum had gone away. She'd already been away a few days. I was 16, Gemma 2. I was alone with a toddler and no way of contacting or anything. I had a mobile but my mum didn't, so it was just a guessing game. She would come back, that was never a question. She always did. I had to provide for this little sister of mine. We had chippy lunch and tea for a good few nights. Gemma didn't complain for me, until my mum got home and she was violently sick. Glad she saved it for her - I scarpered to my mate's.' Iain gave a laugh now.

'That's typical of you.' Lily rolled her eyes.

'See, it was when the on-off relationship with Gem's dad had broken down that she turned back to drink. The smell of booze would pour off her, I'd come in from school and smell it and Gemma would be stuck in front of cartoons getting square eyes. It was bad, really. I went away to service a couple of years later. In my last years of school, I dropped out anyway. Didn't want to do college or any fancy qualifications. Hindsight, that's a mistake, but my time on the front line was definitely character shaping.' Iain told her.

'You've turned out okay.' Lily whispered, joking.

'I suppose I have, yeah. See, that's the thing. It was never a big issue to me, but similarly, my mum didn't pressurise me like yours did. Maybe if she had done, things would be different.'

'Pressurising isn't great though either. We've both turned out okay from our very different upbringings - by some miracle.' Lily laughed, tired now.

'Yeah, it's all about balance, isn't it?' Iain sighed. 'My kids will have a balance.'

She thought a while. 'Mine will too.'

Neither said what they were thinking, or even hoping that the other might say. It was dangerous to use 'our' just yet, but both secretly wanted to.

'Well, that was a long chat. And we still didn't..' Iain trailed off.

Lily checked her phone lazily. 'It's after 1am. Not now.' She said, with a sleepy chuckle.

'Aw..' He sounded deflated.

'Iain, seriously?' She hissed. 'Another day! You can wait.'

'Fine, fine. It gives us an excuse to see each other soon.' He said.

'As if we needed one of those.' She wriggled closer to him. His hand began to slowly rub circles on her back, a gentle reminder he wasn't going anywhere. They fell asleep within moments, right where they were, in the makeshift den.


	34. chapter 34

The speaker blasted out into the staffroom, definitely too loud for a hospital. Too cherry. Jez walked over, furrowing his brow.

'Someone's a happy bunny.' He commented, patting Iain on the shoulder as he reached for the biscuit tin.

'Yeah, I am actually.' Iain smiled to himself. Jez checked the phone, which the music was playing from.

'Ed Sheeran... aww...' Jez clutched two hands to his chest, pulling a face.

'Oh, shut up.' Iain continued to butter the bread, ignoring the younger paramedic as best he could.

'I'd turn it down, you know. She might hear.'

'Good.' Iain put the lid back on the butter, with a little too much force, and swung the fridge door open.

'Oh, it's like that, is it? Why, what happened last night then? Did you get some?' Jez winked, taking a bite from the biscuit.

Iain smirked. 'It's none of your business, now, is it? Haven't you got paperwork to fill in? Shoo, let me have my sandwich in peace.'

'You did then?' His eyes sparkled.

'Look, clear off!' Iain laughed, deliberately not elaborating.

'Ah, okay. Was it good?' He asked.

'Woah, Jez. Too much, alright?' Iain held a hand up.

'I can never work you out. You have so many mood swings. It's like you're a woman, you know.' Jez told him.

'If anyone's the girl around here, it's you. Look at you, scrounging for gossip! Go on, busy yourself.' Iain took a bite of his sandwich with a wave of the hand.

'Maybe we found love right where we are...' Jez sung, badly and along with the music, and left cramming the rest of the digestive into his mouth.

Iain just shook his head with a laugh. Although Jez got under his skin most of the time, it was nice to have him around. He appreciated the banter more than anything else - it made his shift a little more interesting. He clocked Lily enter the room, but dropped his eyes to his plate and didn't say anything.

'Morning...' Lily said.

Iain smiled, checking his watch. 'Afternoon..' He replied.

'Is that the time? Wow..' She rubbed her eyes, sighing when smudges of black transferred to her finger.

'You seem spaced out. It's not a wonder.'

'I am, I really am.' Lily sighed, bending slightly to see her reflection in the screen of the microwave. 'I look as spaced out as I feel, clearly.' She ran a hand through her hair, a mixture of stressed and exhausted.

'Lily! We really need your help..' Robyn popped her head in the room, and then turned and left, not waiting round for any sort of response. Lily sighed, frazzled, and shot Iain an apologetic look as she quickly tottered after the nurse.

-x-

'No!'

A clamour rang through the ED, almost deafening. Dylan bending over, spewing what suddenly what was meaningless drivel. David busying around, someone passing a stethoscope, hands scrabbling everywhere.

'No! No!' Lily didn't even recognise her own voice, nor the hand that flew to her mouth, shaking. None of it registered. Suddenly and without even comprehending her movements, she sprung into action, pushing her colleagues aside.

'Lily..' David tried to stop her, an arm up as a barrier, but his voice faltered and she pushed through with a strength neither of them knew she had. He knew full well that she would continue to ignore him, so he quietened and stepped back.

She choked back a sob, and the crowd that had formed quietened when they heard.

Connie was soon crouching by Lily.

'Right, do you have the information please?' She asked, professional as ever.

Tears rolled down Lily's eyes as she begun to answer.

'Iain Dean... 33 years old. At approximately 1:10pm, part of the display board fell from above his head. The... the big one. You know which I'm talking about? I... the GCS..' She just shook her head, dazed, looking down at Iain again. His eyes were closed, almost perfect lines of red trickling down his face. His chest rose up and down. Lily clung on to this. With a shuddery intake of breath, she opened her mouth. 'I...' Trying again only made her burst into tears.

'Come away.' Connie whispered, hand on her shoulder now. The clinical lead looked round and spotted Alicia, who was hovering in the corridor, just looking on. In seconds, Alicia was with Lily.

'Come on, you. Let's get you to the staffroom.' Also looking dazed, she managed to guide Lily to the staffroom.

'No..' Lily stopped in the doorway, looking more distressed. Alicia noticed, but thought better of asking and they walked towards the on call room instead.

'Whenever I make you tea, it's always because something bad's happened. One day, I'll just have to make tea for no reason to break the association.' Alicia chattered away. Lily stayed quiet, not caring for any type of interaction. Although in shock, she wasn't stupid, and she could see that her ex mentee was simply trying to make conversation to try and distract her. When Alicia passed her the mug, it was all too obvious that she felt sorry for her. Sympathy was plastered all over her face. Of course it would be - first her mum, then her... Iain. All in the space of two weeks. The chances were ridiculously slim, but lightning had struck twice.


	35. chapter 35

Lily sat, quietly, by Iain's bedside.

'How long has she been there?' Robyn whispered from outside, a hand sliding down the glass of the window in despair.

'Ages. A good couple of hours. She won't even talk to me.' Alicia replied, chewing her lip with concern.

'Well... why?' Robyn asked. Alicia raised an eyebrow, as if in questioning of the stupid ask. When she saw Robyn's expectant expression, she sighed.

'Because of how she feels. It's obvious, Robyn.'

Robyn just nodded quietly, watching Lily. She'd never seen her colleague look so lost and sad.

-x-

'I never wanted to go through this. What on earth happened to you and how?' Lily whispered, sliding her hand under Iain's limp fingers. 'I'm scared, Iain. I... I need you to get through this. I don't know what I'll do if you don't. If you can hear me, we are waiting on your scan results. Then more will be known. Until then...' A tear slipped down her cheek. Iain's eyes flickered open, and Lily's own eyes widened, more tears beginning to fall. She clung tightly to his hand.

'Don't cry.' He managed to whisper, managing to weakly squeeze her hand back. She made a noise which was crossed between a gasp and a laugh, her eyes shining with tears.

'You are fine!' She exclaimed, and squeezed his hand. 'And you will be right as rain in no time. I promise.'

'My head kills...' He winced, looking up at her helplessly.

'It shouldn't,' She frowned. 'Let me check what they've given you.' She reached for the notes, flicking through them. After a few moments, she looked back at him. 'You can't having anything else. I'm... sorry. You'll just have to-'

'Bear it?' Iain muttered, grimly.

'Exactly.' She nodded.

'So many wires...' He mumbled, fiddling with them.

'I know. It's for the best. Don't mess with them.'

'I don't know what's going to happen to me, but please promise me Lily...' He locked his fingers with hers, even in his state realising that she needed the comfort. 'Please promise me that you will talk to people, offload. Find something to smile at. You know I would. Alright? Do it for me Chuckles. Prom-' Lily's half smile turned into alarm when he started to cough. Without thinking, she ran out of resus, pulling in as many of her colleagues as she could see. 'Please! Please, it's Iain.'

Connie quickly dashed through, followed by Dylan. Robyn headed on in after the pair.

'You should have pressed the alarm, Lily, it's why we have them.' Dylan told her curtly.

'Dylan...' Connie's voice was soft but yet had a warning edge to it, and she gestured towards a crying Lily.

'What? She should! It's a modern NHS, this is where all our money is going. And that time could have been vital!' Dylan argued, fixing the machines that had started to bleep. Connie just shook her head at him.

'She did what she thought best in the moment. Besides, it's happened now. Just leave it and focus on the patient, alright?' She looked up at Dylan. Robyn gave a little smile, pleased at how the clinical lead had dealt with the situation. Her attention then snapped back to work. Meanwhile, Ethan had spotted Lily and had the sense and quick thinking to escort her out of the room and to some place more quiet and less unsettling.

-x-

Connie walked in the on call room, folding her arms.

'What?' Lily dared to whisper, gulping and glancing from Ethan to Connie.

'He's stable, I am fairly sure he'll remain that way. He's not in the clear completely, but I'm not worried about him Lily. I don't know what that episode was. Perhaps a reaction to something in the IV. Dylan's managing that now though. You can pop back through if you'd like, although you do look a little out of it. Maybe go rest.' Connie nodded.

Ethan was quick to agree. 'Yeah. I mean, we'll text you if anything happens. Alicia will, she's got a quiet shift just sorting some paperwork. Alright? You go rest, Lily.' He nodded, a hand on her knee. She ignored this. It was Ethan's hand, not Iain's, so she didn't care for any source of attempted comfort. She knew she had to relent. With a little sigh, she gave a nod. Ethan and Connie visibly relaxed. 'Right, well. Ethan can take you home then. If you wouldn't mind, Dr Hardy?' Connie asked. 'Yeah. Of course.' Ethan just nodded, quietly standing up and moving his hand to rest on Lily's shoulder lightly. 'Shall we go get your stuff? Or, I could send Alicia? Or-or...' Ethan stuttered, trying his very best to tread carefully with her.

'I'll go. Thank you, Ethan.' Lily nodded, quietly.

'Ooh, at least you got a response.' Connie raised an eyebrow, with a half sigh that said she wasn't really taking it personally, and actually felt quite sorry for Lily.

'Yes. Poor Lily. I'll... I'll make sure she gets home. Thanks, Mrs Beauchamp.' Ethan said.

'Just make sure you do.' Connie gave him a nod, then turned and walked in the opposite direction.

-x-

Lily didn't even wince when she climbed into the shower, despite the fact the water was scalding her skin. She felt like she needed to burn the day away somehow, and this was the close she was going to get.

She climbed out the shower, sitting dripping in a towel. She thought some more, and then choked back a sob, thinking of how on any other night Iain would be somewhere in her flat. She was having to go to bed alone for the first time in a few days, and it wasn't her choice to be, which alone managed to make things feel 100 times worse. She'd been so sure and so defiant that she wanted her space, she'd ironically got it, and in the worst way possible. She went through their old messages, not before catching sight of the most recent couple of messages. They read:

'I've work to do tonight. And maybe I'm done with your company.'

'Ah, whatever. I know how you feel x'

Sent ten minutes before he was found. Reflective of exactly how they were with each other, always half jokey half serious.

She skimmed over the last sentence, beginning to see another meaning. Most likely, he was agreeing with her message. He could have said it as reference to her feelings though. It was enough to make her heart swell and break. She began to doubt what she was doing. Sitting in, all alone. She needed rest but she needed him, in some capacity. Even if he was asleep. She just wanted to be there, needed to be there.

-x-

'Hey, sleepy.' Lily whispered, managing a smile for him.

'Hi,' Iain gave a small smile back, still drowsy from napping. 'You're tired yourself.' He noticed.

'I'm fine.' She replied, looking down at her nails.

'Fibber.' There was a silence for a couple of seconds. He frowned. 'Look, Lily. Please rest. Take care of yourself, right? Don't you worry about me.'

'I tried to, my mind was too busy.' She told him.

He gave a slow nod, far from convinced. 'Totally wrong place at the wrong time. I'm so sorry, Lily. Not even for me. Just for all the stress it's brought you.' He gulped.

'I was so worried.' She nodded.

'I know. I know you were.'

Her clammy hand took his.

'Can I?' She asked.

'You don't need to ask,' He replied softly, but the last syllable was muffled by her lips on his. Her hand slid gently behind his neck. Gentle yet intense, different to how they'd kissed before. Warmth was volleyed between the pair, until she eventually leaned back, tears brimming in her eyes.

'Stop it.' He muttered, a mixture of anger and guilt spreading through him. 'Why are you upset after that?'

'I'm sorry-' She managed to whisper, but the tears were back down her cheeks.

'Lily, stop this!' He tried to reach to wipe her tears, concerned, but she leaned back before he could. He collapsed back on to the pillow, defeated and otherwise helpless.

She sobbed quietly, while he squeezed her fingers, doing all he possibly could to calm her. His thumb quickly traced the back of her hand, almost panicky, trying his utmost best to comfort her and stem the tears. He realised that among the many things he disliked, Lily so upset was near enough top of the list.

Despite his efforts, her crying took quite a while to subside. They sat in silence, but for the interference from bleeping monitors and machines, and her sporadic, yet diminishing shuddery intakes of breath.

'I should have known better. I could have distressed you, made you worse. What on earth is the matter with me?' Lily said, voice rising.

'Hey, stop it now. All those conditionals you're using. Could have. Should have. Right? They make everything sound so tentative, because that is exactly what everything is. When this happens to someone you love, you don't get much of a say in how you act? Alright? Don't you berate yourself. You best be listening to me, because for once I speak sense. I mean it.' He said.

Lily didn't care for what he had to say, she just cared that he was able to say it. A part of her was listening, though she had glazed over. He'd used the word 'love', and for the first time, she decided to refrain from fighting or questioning it. After all, it was true. They'd told each other before already, but it had always hung in the balance. A declaration of the words didn't mean so much anymore, much to Lily's regret. It meant they liked each other, even though they used the word 'love'.

In that dimly lit hospital room though, a few things had danced to the surface and made her understand them a little better. Of course they loved each other. Her heart ached with just how much she loved him, and she knew he loved her right back with every fibre and ounce in his body. It radiated through his smile, through their eye contact, through his gentleness when they were intimate. Through their texts, through their gestures, through their chit-chat. Through the kiss they'd only just shared. It was almost as if, beautifully and without words, they'd given themselves to one another.

The pressure of their lips said 'thank God you're still here', and most importantly 'I'm never going to let you go again'.


	36. author's note

**So, after much thought, I think I'm going to leave this story on the previous chapter. It concludes it well, and stops it from dragging and getting all waffle-y. On a separate note, thank you so much for following, favouriting and reviewing! Your support means the world to me. As someone who isn't a writer and just does it as a hobby, it boosts my confidence immensely and it's meant the world. All your lovely messages have made me smile and have kept me going.**

 **If you enjoy my stories (and I'm flattered if you do), then I'm doing one about Alicia and Ethan (Wishing on Stars) and I have just started a new one about Liain called 'Home' - I imagine the idea might appeal to Lily/Iain fans.**

 **Please do check it out if you have a minute, feel free to suggest more ideas, review, or give constructive criticism. Again, thanks so much. All appreciated. You are all so lovely. X**


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